For The Record..

This is a little message to anyone who has the slightest issue or question about my decision to defer my university course next year.

I have had enough of everybody and the attitude that seems to accompany their questions in relation to what I have chosen to do. Everybody asks the same question, "what do you plan on doing next year?" and I give the same answer, "I'm going to defer my course for a year". And, time after time, I'm met with the exact same response; it's the return of the skeptical and somewhat cynical look of disapproval. People are like, "oh, so you're not doing anything this year then? And it's like, "well, yeah... but it's not going to be like that forever". There is something about peoples reactions that is so degrading and layered in disappointment! Well, I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm over it!!

I wish people would just back off and leave me alone! It's not your life, it's mine! So why can't everyone just accept that fact and stop making me feel like an idiot.

Every single time I tell people my plans I get the impression that they think I've made a mistake by deferring. Everyone keeps saying, "oh, but what if you end up not wanting to go next year?" or "seriously, you should have just gone this year. I can't believe you're not going!" or "you're going to waste this opportunity!" And every time people say these things to me it just makes me feel like I've failed in some way or I've disappointed a whole bunch of people. My entire life people have had high expectations of me and it's like I've finally failed everyone because I don't want to go to university straight away. You wanna know why I'm not going? Well, here's your answer; Quite simply, I'm not ready for it. Why am I not ready for it? Well, a number a reasons.

Firstly, I have no idea what I want to do. I see no point in enrolling and attending university when I don't have the slightest idea what I want to do. It would be a complete waste of time and a waste of money! University isn't cheap! If I were to go this year I'd only end up enrolled in a whole bunch of random units and subjects or whatever that, in all honestly, I have no idea if I'd even want to study in the first place. Consequently I'd be wasting my time doing something I didn't want to do, wasting not only a year of my schooling but also a years worth of money. It just doesn't make sense to do that! Instead I will take a year off, look at all my options, think about what I want for the future, and hopefully come to a decision about what I want to study and what direction I want to head in.

Secondly, it's scary! The prospect of attending university is a frightening one. High school is simple in the regard that it's something that everyone does/most people do; attending high school is the norm. At high school you're given subjects to study. When you get to the higher levels of high school education you're given the opportunity to choose specific subjects. However, it is all still very simple and there are no real big decisions to be made. University on the other hand is something else completely! There are so many big decisions that have to be made; decisions that will actually have an impact on your life and on your future. That is scary! It's a lot to have to come to terms with at the age of 18. Eventually it is something that will have to be faced but, when that time comes when I do face it, I want to be in the right mind frame. I want to feel like I have what it takes to do it. There is no point in rushing into something if you don't feel comfortable; because the situation won't end well if you're rushed into something that you're not ready for.

I don't understand how people can be so narrow-minded; it's not that hard to see things from my point of view. Who cares if you have decided to/would have decided to do something different to what I'm doing! I've said it before and I'll say it again; it's my life, not yours!

I would very much appreciate it if people would just quit with all the negativity and the patronising way in you regard my decision. Perhaps it's not intentional; however, when I have to listen to the same thing over and over coming from so many different people, it starts to make me feel a bit empty inside, like I'm a let-down. And, like I know so many people would agree with, that's not a good feeling. So back off.

I’d love to be able to just sleep right now, but my brain doesn’t seem to want any of that.

I feel like I just have to get this off my chest before it drives me insane, this weird sense of confusion or whatever. It’s been nagging at me for so long now. For longer than I care to remember. I just don’t know if I can properly explain it when I can hardly understand it myself. I’m just your average person, you know; nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary. I go through the same old shit as the next person. And it’s like, when I’m happy and in a good place, I try hold onto that as much as I can because when I get down, it’s really not good. Not to mention I have no idea how long either mood will last for. And it’s annoying because the switch between the two emotional places can happen so quickly that I’m not even aware of the change. It’s quite unnerving. I just wish sometimes that I could make it go away. Take something to make it go away. Do something to make it go away. But, I can’t. Because that would mean actually focusing on whatever it is and facing it. It’s so much easier to pretend that something doesn’t exist when you keep it to yourself. When you hold onto something private you can convince yourself it’s just a nightmare and that it will go away. But once you let other people in, it becomes real. So instead I lie to everyone. I lie to my friends and I lie to my family; I lie to myself. I make myself believe that it’s nothing but all in my head. I don’t lie because I want to keep a truth hidden. I lie because I don’t want it to be real. And it’s not even a deliberate lie because on the surface I have truly convinced myself it’s nothing. It amazes me how I’m so able to deceive myself. It’s only when I stop to really think about these things and analyse it that I realise what I’m really doing; putting up this facade and telling myself that it’s nothing more than some nightmare I’ll wake up from.

Ugh, and that’s pretty much all I can get out of my system right now… a whole bunch of nonsensical bullshit.

Letter To Rod Laver Arena Officials

My Email to Rod Laver Arena Officials:
To whom it may concern,

I am writing in regards to the events that took place at the Muse concert on December 14 and 15, 2010.

After having been in contact with numerous people after the Muse shows in both Brisbane and Sydney, I was shocked at the organisation, or lack thereof, of the Melbourne shows. To begin with, on Tuesday 14th, those of us who were lining up were made to move out of the shade and into the immense heat, only to be told that we should try to "stay in the shade when possible", despite the fact that we had just been told we weren't allowed in the shaded area. Not only that, but the organisation of the lining up procedures was chaotic and out of control. It would have made more sense to have a number system or a more controlled relocation from the shade into the sun. I found that it was unfair for those people who had been lining up all day to end up at the back of the line. I understand that you will take no responsibility for this and consider it to be the fault of those who decided to line up. However, I still feel that for future reference you may want to do what you can to ensure that everyone gets what they deserve and are treated fairly. Also, circumstances were more controlled on the second night than the first, however if you want people to follow instructions when entering Rod Laver Arena, you may want to step up your security procedures or perhaps conduct such procedures with more control and organisation. There was no structure to what was going on; hence it was difficult for security to do their job.

As for the water situation once inside the venue, I feel that it was irresponsible on the Rod Laver officials' behalf to not supply GA with water throughout the show. The only time when we were provided with water was during the interval between the support act, Biffy Clyro, and Muse. Biffy Clyro were on stage for approximately 45 minutes, with Muse being on stage for approximately 2 hours. The contrast between the two acts and the level of intensity was very distinctive. It made no sense to not provide people with some form of rehydration during the main event for the evening. We were told that it was our responsibility to keep hydrated, yet we were also told that we couldn't have bottles of water with us. Granted, we were allowed to have cups of water; however, one cup of water is not enough to sustain you for the duration of a 3 hour rock concert. The least you could have done would have been to provide GA with water throughout the show. I honestly don't see how something such as water would have been such an issue.

Which brings me to my next issue, that being the “trouble” that Muse members, Dominic Howard and Christopher Wolstenholme, seem to be in. As far as I'm aware, Muse's bassist is in trouble for smoking on stage. I have read the article and I would just like to point out a few things that I feel you have unfairly accused him of and, as a result, made him appear to be much more rebellious than he really is. Apparently, according to your officials, Chris initially tried to hide the fact that he was lighting up on stage, only to then freely inhale between songs. As I am sure you are clearly unaware of, judging by your comments made, Chris' actions were not some deliberate attempt to blatantly disregard your authority. Chris' actions in lighting up and smoking on stage is something that is very common for him to do. I can guarantee he wasn't thinking "I'm going to light up this cigarette just to break the rules". Most probably it was something he did out of routine and habit, as it is something that he frequently does whilst performing. I understand that smoking isn't allowed in non-smoking areas, that much is obvious. However, attacking Chris the way in which you did was unfair. To publically come out and condemn him for such an insignificant act is simply unfair to Chris. The fact that Muse is a rock band is no excuse; however, artists these days conduct themselves in much more serious and dangerous acts than that of Chris routinely smoking on stage. Society is told on a daily basis of the dangers of smoking, yet that does nothing to stop those who don't want to quit. If the issue with Chris smoking is to do with the "promotion" of smoking, audience members are more than educated enough to make their own decisions regarding the issue of smoking. I myself am not a smoker, and witnessing Chris smoke on stage has not encouraged me to start, nor have Chris' actions offended me in any way. However, if the issue is about "deliberately breaking the rules", then I suggest you first get an understanding of the sort of people you are talking about before you make such accusations about Chris "flaunting" the non-smoking policy.

As for Muse being "rapped for encouraging fans to "mosh out" -- in direct violation of security rules", I feel you are creating an issue where there isn't one. As an attendee on both nights, I'm well aware that it was drummer, Dominic Howard, who told the crowd to mosh during the song 'Time Is Running Out'. It wasn't as if Dom made an announcement at the beginning of the show to ignore all precautionary signs and security warnings for the entire evening. All he did was encourage the crowd to get involved and have some fun. After all, a Muse show is essentially a rock concert, and "moshing" is a typical aspect of all rock concerts. Dom didn't tell the audience to crowd surf, which is much more dangerous than moshing. Moshing is jumping up and down and knocking into one another. It doesn't involve violence of any sort. Dom's words were merely a ploy to get the audience fired up and having a good time.

Due to complaints from officials at Rod Laver Arena, Muse have now been dubbed an “anti-establishment style of performance group”. Unless your officials have any idea what they are talking about or are familiar with the message and ethos that comes along with Muse, then they have no right to go out and publically label Muse like that. Quite simply it’s unfair. Not to mention these same “antics” occurred at both the Brisbane and Sydney shows and it hasn’t been until the Melbourne shows that any concern has been raised. In regards to Chris’ smoking, there were a few grumbles from floor security, but nothing more. As for moshing, the Sydney shows were much more unruly and absolutely nothing was said about that. So please inform me as to why you seem to be the only ones with a real issue here, so much so that you’re willing to go out and condemn one of the most esteemed rock bands of our time.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Their Reply:
Thank you for your email regarding the Muse concert.

We take the health and safety of all patrons very seriously at every event, which is why we distribute water at the stage barrier. We are somewhat restricted with this, however, for a few reasons which I can explain. Firstly, the security staff that are positioned behind the stage barrier are primarily there to protect the stage and the band, which obviously means that they are limited in their ability to distribute water while the main act is on stage. I’m sure you would also agree that the majority of patrons would be too distracted by watching the main act and dancing to accept water at that point. We also need to ensure that excess water doesn’t end up on the floor, as this could cause further OH&S issues.

Prior to the event even starting we are attempting to ensure that patrons are safe, and we have drinks and umbrellas out on the Forecourt on hot days for the patrons that are queuing. Drinks are obviously available for purchase throughout the event, and are able to be brought on to the floor. Also, there is always water available from St John Ambulance staff at the edge of the floor.

We will always attempt to ensure that our patrons are safe and healthy, however, patrons also have a responsibility to look after their own welfare and ensure they drink adequate water through the day etc, and this doesn’t always occur.

In relation to us “banning” Muse this is a ridiculous beat up, we have never suggested such a thing, our comments to the media were that we were disappointed that they smoked in a non smoking venue, we did not believe that moshing was ever encouraged from the artists, there were no incidents to report at this concert whatsoever. This was one of the most incident free concerts that we have had at our arena and we welcome them back. This statement will be released to the media through the promoter.

Kind Regards,

Jo Juler.

Maybe we're the children of a lesser God between Heaven and Hell

That moment in my life has arrived where I have finished school and it's time to move on to "bigger and better things". I couldn't wait to finish school; I hated it! And now it's time to end that chapter of my life, turn the page, and start on a new beginning. However, I don't know where to start. I have writers block, so to speak. How can I know where to begin when, in my eyes, this is the beginning of the end?
Everyone keeps asking me the same question; "what do you plan on doing now?". Well, I don't know how to answer that. My mind keeps constantly changing, my feelings towards certain ideas always wavering. I cannot give anyone a straight answer because the answer is: I don't know. All I know is that I'm taking a year off school to get my head straight. Yet when I tell people this I'm met with the same response: a simple "oh" and a certain look in peoples eyes. Even when I change things up and tell people I want to one day write, I am again faced with the same look. It's a look of disbelief and skepticism. It's as if people find it hard to fathom how I, Jyssica, don't know how I want to spend the rest of my life.
The one person from whom I cop this treatment from the most is my father. He's always on my back about getting a job. I've finished school now so I should have a job. Everyone else has a job and if I don't get one, he's not going to support me forever. I've heard that enough times now that I have a tendency to ignore him. It's not that I haven't thought about getting a job or anything, it's just that I'm not ready for it. To me it's so much more than simply earning money. If I get a job I will be essentially setting myself up for the beginning of the end. If I get a job now, I'll be working for the rest of my life. I have no time left to be a child. Those days are behind me now without anyone informing me that they'd left in the first place. I'm not ready for adulthood. I'm not ready for responsibility. I'm not ready to grow up and face the world.

If there is something that every blog needs, something that mine seems to be sorely lacking, it's some good old fashioned Hollywood/teenage girl bitching. And my target: Matthew Bellamy and Kate Hudson.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think Kate's a great actress, I love her films. However, what gets to me is her relationship with Matthew. The reason for my frustration? I happen to be one of those people who becomes highly obsessed with one thing until it progresses to the point where I begin to take ownership of things that quite obviously will/could never be mine. In this case, my obsession with Muse has lead to my protectiveness over the band members. And don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that this fanatic behaviour is unhealthy and borderline insane, but that's not going to do anything to change the way I feel! It's probably because she is in fact a Hollywood actress, and you hear and see all the time on TV and in magazines about celebrity couples and every single detail of their lives. Not that, in my fanatic mind, I have a problem with knowing every facet of Matt's life, I just don't like how public and "Hollywood" everything has become. I mean, I had no problem at all when he was with his non-famous psychologist girlfriend, Gaia. There was no publicity like there is now! I have nothing against Kate at all. And if she makes Matt happy, then that's all that really matters. Deep down somewhere inside me I actually think they make a cute couple! And when I see pictures of how happy they are together it makes me smile! And seeing Matt out and about with Kates son, Ryder, is just adorable! But still, there's just something that doesn't sit right about the whole thing for me. And honestly, I'm just some stupid crazy teenage girl who should get over things like this that I cannot possible change, nor should I even care about in the first place. So, in saying that, I'm just going to shut up now and stop boring everyone to death with my whining :)

PS. One thing that does make me laugh though is when the newspapers and websites get things wrong. Like captioning a photo with "Mark Bellamy" instead of Matt Bellamy, or referring to the wrong person entirely as the following headline, picture and caption demonstrates.

Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy Share Late Night Out

The 31-year-old beauty spent her time with her musician lover at Ivy Restaurant in London, England on Tuesday, August 31, before heading to The Groucho private members club.

For those who don't know, the man in the picture is Dominic Howard.. Muse's drummer.. lol

Chasing a starlight...

So, lastnight/this morning I was running on no sleep :) The final results were: awake for 20 hours on 3.5hrs sleep :) Not a bad effort if I do say so myself! lol. However, with sleep deprivation comes mood swings. I literally went from a Dominic Howard sex conversation to my 'I don't want to be thinking about life' moods. (Refer to this post lol) I'm thinking that seeing as though I have my Psychology exam tomorrow, I should probably go to bed at a reasonable time.. before 12am perhaps? lol. But knowing me, the chances of that happening are very slim! And, instead of studying today, I was in bed until 2pm-ish. Very productive day! I think in total I've done about 30min revision! In a way I deserve to fail my exam.. it might teach me a lesson! I know that what I'm doing is wrong, and I know I should change my habits, and I want to change my habits.. but I just don't care enough to actually do it!

And tomorrow is Matthew Bellamy's birthday :) I should try and remember to post something.. I always seem to forget! The only person who I ever remember to blog for is Shia LaBeouf for some reason.. lol

This post really has no purpose at all! I'm just bored and looking for something to do. I could be studying but.. meh. My theory is that if I don't know it by now, then it's too late and too bad!.. I'll survive. What I am worried about is the fact that I have 3 SACs after my exams. I also have a literature essay and an English essay due in this Friday.. which probably won't happen.. and I have all this specialist homework to catch up on before the SAC! So that's actually my main concern, not this stupid exam.

And I'm planning on drawing on my veins tomorrow, lol. The examiners will think I'm completely mental! Shall be funny! :)

And yeah, trying to plan something to do for my birthday. At this stage it looks like I'll be having a BBQ with some friends around.. nothing fancy. Emma and Elly are gonna stay over Sunday night before my birthday.. And Bec and I will maybe go out on Monday night once I'm 18! So yeah, that's pretty much what's going on there.

Before I really start to ramble too much, I'm gonna end this here.

Cheers :)