blink-182; Neighborhoods

Seven years, ten months and five days after the release of their self-titled record makes September 23, 2011 a very important date for blink-182 fans. Today is the day that the band’s sixth studio album, and first since their ‘indefinite hiatus’ back in 2005, entitled ‘Neighborhoods’ is set to be released.

Having stood outside my local CD store waiting for the doors to open, it’d be an understatement to say that I was excited, and a little bit impatient, to finally hear this album. In all honesty I was as nervous as hell as to what this record would bring, but after multiple listens of this long-awaited record, I think it's safe to say I wholeheartedly approve of 'Neighborhoods'.

It is without a doubt blink-182's darkest album to date, both lyrically and musically. They've definitely matured and incorporated into their music what they've all experienced during the past 8 years. In many respects it's as if they've simply picked up where they left off with their last record, except this time there's no question that this level of maturity suits them. After all, during the time of their eponymous album they were still seen as that band who sang that “cute ‘Na Na Na’ song” and who ran naked through their music videos. This time however, after almost a decade, life has naturally forced them to mature; they've grown up and progressed.

While 'Neighborhoods' stands as this dark and mature album, there are definitely throwbacks to their previous records, as well as hints of their side projects away from blink-182, which are definitely evident throughout the album.

The opening track, 'Ghost On The Dance Floor', is quite indicative of the album as a whole in terms of the overall theme and sound of the record. It’d be fair to say that it’s almost a sequel to ‘Not Now’. There are numerous references to death, hopelessness and self-doubt all the way through the record, but the second track, 'Natives', is perhaps the song in which these themes are most prevalent. Lyrics such as ‘I’m just a waste of your time/ Maybe I’m better off dead’ accentuate the darkness present on the album and paint a pretty good picture for what to expect. The third track, and first single off the record, ‘Up All Night’, is a reflection on the harsh reality of human behaviour and the struggles we all face through the eyes of a perceptive observer. As a single it had people confused, however in amongst the other tracks on the record it works well in context. The fourth track on the album, ‘After Midnight’, is a love song of sorts, an ode to a masochistic and destructive relationship, best captured through the verses, with lines like ‘I kind of like the rush you get/ When you’re standing close to death/ Like when you’re driving me crazy’. ‘Snake Charmer’ follows next with a song that is essentially about women and the evil lust and desire they use to coax men into getting what they want. It has a mixture of heavy guitars and an intro that is quite reminiscent of The Cure. ‘Interlude’ then provides a short instrumental break built upon a piano and a spacey guitar riff, a brief departure from the heaviness of the record before leading itself into the seventh track. ‘Hearts All Gone’ is one of the more fast paced punk rock tracks on the record that could easily be mistaken as a song that got lost during the recording of ‘Dude Ranch’ and that has now been re-recorded to become relevant for this particular record. However, amongst all the darkness some light can be found in the form of the eighth track, ‘Wishing Well’, with it’s catchy 'la da da' chorus. In true-to-form blink-182 fashion, this song has a more upbeat pop feel which is quite reminiscent of ‘Enema Of The State’. The ninth track, ‘Kaleidoscope’, is very much a song about the recording of the album. It is a return to the darkness of the earlier tracks, with lyrics full of fear and uncertainty as to what this journey holds; ‘It is the first time that I’m worried/ … It’s a long road to get it right’. Almost acting as a counterbalance to the paranoia of the previous song, ‘This Is Home’ is a pure rock song about the punk rock scene and how they, blink-182, want each other to ‘let go/ ‘Cause this is home’. ‘MH 4.18.2011’, another straightforward rock effort, has Mark singing of repression and the struggle of trying to grow in such an environment. His advice; ‘Slow down/ Stop living in the shadow of a helicopter’. Set to be the final track on the standard version, ‘Love Is Dangerous’ is a track that for me is their greatest departure from their previous material. It has a somewhat theatrical quality to it, with Tom’s declarations of ‘love/ Love is dangerous’ in the chorus. Track thirteen on the deluxe edition, ‘Fighting The Gravity’, is without a doubt a fitting song title as the music itself has this heavy and sluggish feeling about it, as if you’re actually being held back and pulled down. The lyrics provide the description and the music makes you a part of it. The final track on the album, ‘Even If She Falls’, sees one last return a catchy and upbeat melody, much like the feel good song at the end of a film that leaves you feeling satisfied.

‘Neighborhoods’ is a testimony to blink-182’s longevity, regardless of their split, and their ability to remain relevant. It is a brave, bold and beautiful record that sees the band harmoniously bringing together their array of ideas and influences to create an album that is without a doubt some of the best music they’ve produced.

A Month Ago Today...

...I had the pleasure of meeting Muse :')

Airport stalking paid off because I was able to meet Matthew Bellamy, Dominic Howard and Christopher Wolstenholme.

An experience I'll never forget

Dom and myself ♥

Chris and myself ♥

And minimal time unfortunately meant I was unable to get a photo taken with Matt. .

. . but now I have a goal for next time! ;)

2010 Wrap-Up!

It’s come to that time of the year again where I cosy in and reflect upon the year that was. With so much having happened this year it’s hard to know where to begin so, I’ll do what’s easiest, and start at the beginning.

It’s safe to say that the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 was one of the worst introductions into a new year that my family has had in a long time. Within the space of four months we had three deaths within our family. December 21, January 24 and March 1 saw the unfortunate loss of Uncle Eddy, Aunty Mary and Grandpa, respectively. It was a very difficult period for the entire extended family, however, more specifically, it was extremely difficult for my Grandma who lost her son, her sister and her husband. The sudden loss of three family members took its toll on everyone in a number of different ways and, regrettably, due to legal reasons, certain issues were dragged out longer than necessary, hence prolonging the grieving period. I know that for me personally I will always be affected by certain things that will trigger memories or take me back to a time when I could still see my loved ones as I wished, however I know that that is completely normal, and for as long as I hold onto my memories of them they will never be forgotten, living on forever in hearts of those who they touched.

Also in January I finally got my learners permit. I may have been 2 years late on actually sitting the test, but at least I passed it and earned my right to drive on the roads. As a learner I have to have my permit for a minimum of one year before I can go for my driver’s license. On top of that I also have to have a minimum of 120 hours of driving practise. Keeping all of this in mind I set myself a goal; to get at least 10 hours of driving up a month so that by the time my one year is up I’ll have my 120 hours. Well, luckily for me, I had my 120 hours up within 10 months, so all I need now is to book some lessons before my instructor feels I am ready to go for my license. Not that I am in any rush of course. I don’t have my own car and I don’t really have anywhere I need to drive to that public transport can’t get me to. I’m just hoping that by sometime in February I’ll have my license.

2010 also saw me enter my final year at high school, the most important year, becoming a year 12 VCE student at St.Peter’s College. It was a year of my schooling that, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t looking forward to in the slightest. Usually before I return to school each year I want nothing more than for school holidays to last forever, however, there’s normally a part of me that actually wants to go back. This time though, as I prepared myself to start off my last year, there wasn’t a single ounce of my being that wanted to be back at school. Consequently, I spent my entire year wishing for it to be over and just trying to make it by, one day at a time. Admittedly there were moments when I enjoyed being at school, like if there was a certain topic we were studying that I had an interest in or if we were learning something that I actually wanted to learn about. And, of course, being able to spend every day with my friends is a big bonus! (Probably the very best thing about being at school!) But, other than that, I would arrive at school every morning just counting down the hours until the bell sounded to go home. I began the school year in the wrong mind frame and with no motivation and, as a result, I was never going to have a productive year unless I changed my mentality. As much as I wanted to change my approach to school, the desire wasn’t strong enough, so basically I just ‘got by’. I always knew that I had the potential to do better than what I was doing and, that when the time came at the end of the year for everyone sit exams and get our ATAR scores, I knew I would regret the minimal effort I put into my school work. Luckily for me though, according to everyone else, I have enough ‘natural intelligence’ and I was able to get a reasonable ATAR score. So all in all I suppose I did what I had to in order to pass VCE and successfully complete my formal education.

The first school holidays, during the month of March, is when I think my world got turned up-side-down slightly. My family went away for a basketball tournament that Jack was playing in and, seeing as how I didn’t want to go, I got to spend that time at home by myself! During my days of freedom I watched a lot of TV (even if the only TV I watched was Muse’s HAARP DVD on repeat, all day, every day) and I spent a lot of time online. And this is where I found myself slowly emerging myself, oblivious at the time to the long-term consequences, into a world that I would never return from. It all started when I was randomly looking through some music websites until I stumbled across an MTV poll, what for I don’t remember, between My Chemical Romance and Muse. I picked my side and set out to gain votes for Muse. The first place I went to try and recruit voters was Twitter by copying and pasting a little note attached with the link to the voting page. People began replying to me and before I knew it I found myself in the middle of this online community that I had no idea even existed! In no time at all I had a whole new following on Twitter consisting primarily of Musers; the term given to the dedicated following of British alternative rock band, Muse. From Twitter this online community took me to the Muse forums on muse.mu where I officially became a ‘boardie’. I spent the rest of the Easter holidays talking to these people and getting to know them and, from that moment on, I have never looked back. To this day I am still friends with all those musers, even having met up with them at the Muse concert in December. It would be an understatement to say that my fascination with these British rockers has consumed my life, but I honestly don’t care. I owe so much to them for giving me inspiration when I needed it and providing me with hope when my outlook was bleak. I honestly feel as if Muse changed my life. Most importantly though, had it not been for Muse, I wouldn’t have come across some of the most amazing people I know. So for that and so much more I am truly grateful.

May 9, 2010: Supernatural All Hell Breaks Loose II Convention! This was definitely a dream come true for me. I finally got to meet some of the cast members of my all time favourite television show! Unfortunately Jared and Jensen were unable to attend; however, we were graced with the presence of Samantha Ferris (Ellen Harvelle), Rob Benedict (Chuck) and Julie McNiven (Anna), Jim Beaver (Bobby Singer) and, last but not least, Misha Collins (Castiel). Joining me at the convention was Emma and Bonnie, two fellow Supernatural enthusiasts like me! We spent the day asking questions and listening to the stories that the cast would share with us. It’s very true what people say about the Supernatural cast; they are without a doubt some of the most down-to-earth celebrities you could ever come across. They were funny and intelligent and simply a great bunch of people to spend the day with. After the Q&A sessions we were given the opportunity to have professional photos taken with the cast member/s of our choice. I got a photo with Misha and then a photo with Jim! I remember my photo with Misha very clearly. We were told not to attack the actors with hugs unless they went in for the hug first. I had no intention of attacking Misha; however, as I went to put my arm out so I could be on his left side, Misha interpreted that as me wanting a hug. He then went in for the hug and, not knowing what else to do, I followed his lead. But due to the awkward position we then found ourselves in, the result was the most awkward hug in the history of hugs. I put my arm around him and my head kind of leant forward into his shoulder. Essentially, I nuzzled into Misha Collin’s shoulder, lol. And after all that I still ended up on his right side, lol. Afterwards, because we had some money left over, Bonnie, Emma and I pitched in to get a photo with Rob. Later on in the day, the last item on the agenda was the opportunity to get signatures. I ended up with a signed photo with Misha Collins and a signed photo with Rob Benedict. Rob was very kind! Emma, Bonnie and I had our names on a sticky note so that Rob knew how to spell our names; however, we didn’t tell him who was who. So Rob tried to guess which name belonged to each of us. It was quite funny. Then, as he was signing, he was thinking to himself how to finish his message to us and we were saying to him, “how about ‘love from Rob’, ‘thinking of you always’, ‘see you later on tonight’?” Rob just started laughing at us, lol. After he was finished he asked us if we wanted the sticky notes back but we said he could keep them and, as we walked away, we saw him stick the sticky notes to himself and keep them there for the remainder of the signing time! The day spent at the Supernatural Convention really was one of the best days of my life!

With June came my 18th birthday. Never having been one for big celebrations I decided to just have a simple get-together with a few of my friends for lunch at my house. It was nothing fancy but it was nice to have my friends around to celebrate. On the night of the 13th Emma and Elly stayed over so that they could be there with me when I officially turned 18. It was very sweet of them and, at exactly 12am, we cut my birthday cake; a Freddo Frog Ice-Cream Cake! I wasn’t the only one to turn 18 this year though. Beginning with Bec in May and ending with Emma in December, 2010 was the year that majority of my friends and I all became legal! We still have a few people in our group who are yet to cross over into official and legal adulthood, however when their time comes, I guarantee that it’ll go off just as everyone else’s has. Of course, with legality came a few privileges, like being able to drink alcohol and go out clubbing! Not that I’m really one for clubbing, in fact, I can’t stand it. However, get a few drinks into me and I’m more than willing to show off my moves on the dance floor, lol. Not that I even have any ‘moves’, lol. It has been fun though, regardless of whether it’s my ‘thing’ or not. Just being out with your mates and having a good time, that’s all that really matters.

July 4, 2010: The Vampire Diaries Convention. Taking place in the same auditorium at Melbourne University as the Supernatural Convention was held, Emma and I got to meet the cast members of the television show, The Vampire Diaries. The events of the day took place in very much the same fashion as the Supernatural convention in May. At this convention, though, we were lucky enough to meet the three main stars of the show, Nina Dobrev (Elena), Paul Wesley (Stefan) and Ian Somerhalder (Damon). Looking back on the day I remember how gorgeous and smart Nina was, how ripped Paul’s arms were and how incredibly intelligent and passionate Ian was. Emma and I got photos together; one with Ian and one with Paul. As we walked towards Ian to get our photo taken he looked at us both and said “look, two tall fine lovely ladies”. Gosh, that sent Emma and me into a spin, lol. Later on we then got our photo with Ian signed. These conventions are such a great opportunity to get up close and personal with the actors and actresses of your favourite television shows and I hope that I get to attend more of them in the near future!

2010 was also the year that I got to attend four concerts in the space of 3 months, even if 2 of the gigs were for the same band, lol. October 13, December 1, December 14 and December 15 were the dates I got to see Paramore at Sidney Myer Music Bowl, U2 at Etihad Stadium and Muse x2 at Rod Laver Arena, respectively. All three acts were incredible all in their own regards. Going to these gigs has made me want to go to more concerts more frequently! However, that would mean I need to get a job so I have to money to be able to do these things… There’s no question about it, Muse was my favourite act. I couldn’t possibly go into detail now about my Musing adventures because it would honestly take up too much time. I recommend you visit this post (link to be posted later) if you want to read all about Muse. And this one if you want to read about U2.

While on the subject of Muse I’ll take this opportunity to mention my meeting Muse at Melbourne airport earlier this month. On December 12, my fellow musers and myself went to the airport to try and meet Muse as they arrived in Melbourne for their Melbourne leg of the Resistance Tour. It must have been our lucky day because the boys did indeed arrive that day and we were able to stop them, talk with them and get photos. It was easily one of the greatest days of my entire life! I unfortunately was unable to get a photo with Matt or even talk with him for that matter, but I was able to talk and get photos and signatures from Chris and Dom! That’s right; I got a photo with Dominic Howard and I got my ‘Butterflies and Hurricanes’ 7” vinyl signed. It was an amazing day! Not just the fact that we met them, but just chilling at the airport with an awesome group of people!

December 3, 2010: Hamish and Andy’s Thank You Tour, Sidney Myer Music Bowl. Emma, Elly and myself headed out into the city so that we could be there as radio and TV personalities, Hamish Blake and Andy Lee, broadcast their last radio show. They will be back next year, but only once a week instead of every weekday. This Thank You Tour was their way of saying, as the title itself explains, thank you to Australia. It was a great day filled with lots of laughter and musical performances. Michael Paynter and John Farnham were scheduled to play during the show and, Daryl Braithwaite made an appearance, as well as Newton Faulkner via video but, it was surprise musical guests U2 who really stole the show when they rocked up to perform.

2010 has been a big mixture of emotions. On one hand it has been one of the worst years, with the deaths in our family and my motivation for everything in general being at an all time low. Yet, on the other hand, having the chance to meet the cast of both Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries, as well as meeting the members of Muse and attending the Muse concerts, has made it one of the best years ever. I suppose the good and the bad equalled out, creating some kind of natural balance. However, despite all that has happened this year, I wouldn’t trade it in for anything. 2010 has brought with it new memories, new experiences, new friendships; and it’s the people I got to share these things with that have made everything so much more memorable.

So here is a little something for one of the most important and influential friendships in my life and something for the few new friendships that I have formed this year.

Emma
You’re my best friend! You have quite literally been there for me this entire year, no matter the reason. Whether you knew it at the time or not, you helped me so much during the most difficult time of my life. You were the first one I was on the phone to; you listened to me and respected what I wanted during that time, regardless of whatever it was. You gave me space when I needed it and comforted me when the time called for it. Simply being around you and in your presence helps in any situation. You’re one of those ‘glass-half-full’ types of people who tries to look on the bright side no matter what. Remember, there’s always a silver lining; a ‘light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel’, so to speak, lol. You put so much energy into being there for your friends and that’s something I admire about you. This year you have been there with me for pretty much every monumental event. We got to go to two conventions together and fan-girl over our favourite celebrities. We went to Hamish and Andy together and got to see the boys off in style! Admittedly, you were the second person I called after I met Muse, but that was cos I had to ring Ev so we could go insane over Dom together. But regardless, you were the one I called when everyone else was on the phone to their families and loved ones. That’s because you’re more than my best friend; you’re my sister. You’re a part of my family now, as you well know. You have been accepted with open arms into the Keen household, lol. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing together; whether it be sitting on the couch watching movies and having a food-fest or going out on pub crawls (which are going to be so much fun, lol), I just enjoy spending time with you. Next year is going to be so much fun; freedom at last! I don’t need to hope that we can create some more awesome memories together because I know that that’s a given! Love you, girl!

Ashleigh
It doesn’t matter that I only met you this year because it feels like I’ve known you for so much longer. You can officially go down in my history books as the first online friend who I met up with in real life and who has also stayed the night at my house, lol. And that’s a good thing because that means I feel comfortable with you. It’s uncanny how much we have in common but, as we have both decided, that stopped being weird long ago! Our similarities go beyond a mutual love for Shia LaBeouf and Dominic Howard and Muse; we’re very similar in personal traits and those aspects of ourselves that make us who we are. It’s for that reason that I think we get along so well; because we understand each other. Earlier this year we said that we would get to meet Dom together and, guess what, we did it!!! We met Dom together, we met Muse together and we got to rock out at Muse together on the barrier! I’m so glad that I was able to share in that experience with you and, hopefully, there will be many more experiences like that in the future that we can join in together!

Evelyn
Oh, Evelyn; my muser sister! I was trying to think back to how I even got started talking to you and, you know, I think I remembered how. I’m pretty sure Ash was talking about sticking posters up on her wall and wanted to know if using sticky-tape or blu-tac was better. I told Ash that I use blu-tac but put little squares of sticky-tape on the back corners to stop the poster from ripping or discolouring. You must have seen Ash’s question because you started talking to her about it too. Then you started talking to me about different methods of sticking up posters, lol. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s how we started talking regularly, lol. Then our friendship progressed! You sent out nightly twitpics of Muse and that’s how we discovered we were both Dom-girls! From there I got Dom-pics dedicated to me nightly! Before we knew it you were stalking me everywhere, lol! Twitter, Facebook, muse.mu, MSN, mobile number… It got out of control, lol. But I wouldn’t change anything about it! I don’t think I know anyone else out there who knows as much about Muse as what you do! It’s quite incredible actually. Together we can go off on quite a tangent making up impossible Muse fantasies which, hopefully for our sake, don’t remain merely a fantasy forever, lol. Not to mention you’re the one who got me into QI and, consequently, began filling my head with more random and useless facts! I’m very grateful for the fact that you accepted me for who I am so easily! You know I’m strange and it doesn’t bother you. And, despite the fact that we live in neighbouring states, we FINALLY got to meet one another at the Muse concerts in Melbourne! But not before we got to share, two days beforehand, an epic Muse/Dominic meeting! You had your ninja stalking skills in top gear that day! Thank you for everything you've done for me this year and all the memories you've given me! Here's to many more next year!

Lucy
Lucy, you are such an amazing chick! I am so very grateful that I found you all the way over there in Scotland via the very useful internet! I can't begin to tell you how much it means to have you in my life. It's so strange how, for two people who have never met before, we can be such good friends! I've loved all those crazy and perverted conversations we've had over MSN and TinyChat this past year, even if it means I was up until 4am on a school night, lol. We kicked it off so well so quickly, it was great! And then once we found out each other’s love for fanfic, well, let's just say I think Ev sometimes got a bit worried about us, lol. You really are like the older sister that I never had! I can talk to you about anything at anytime and I like that; it feels comfortable! It is going to be my mission to visit you, Lucy! It will happen! I know it will. And then you can come to Australia and I'll take you to visit the penguins! Thank you, Lucy, for being a part of my life this year! It's been so much fun! And I know that next year will be just as, if not more, awesome!

Julian
Well, where to begin, eh? We met because of the MTV poll and I was trying to find 'fans of Muse' (I didn't know they were called 'musers' at the time) to help vote. And I was telling you about all the hate that was going on between the two fanbases. And because you couldn't log onto the website to comment, you gave me some 'Dead Star' lyrics to post and, as a result, I copped so much hate from the My Chemical Romance fans, lol. And thus began our friendship! From that moment on we simply began talking to each other on Twitter and, to this day, we still do! (And Facebook and muse.mu and MSN and TinyChat.. lol). And it's cos of all the 4am conversations that I've gotten to know you so well! To quote myself and reiterate everything I've already told you, I consider it an honour to have been able to get to know you this year. Though we are so far away in actual distance, I feel that in reality we are so close to one another in spirit. I know that no matter what situation I find myself in I can always come to you for guidance and support. Not to mention you always encourage me to do my best and to be my best. It means a lot. So thank you for everything this year, it's been fun! Now for 2011!

I’m sure there is so much more that happened and so much more I want to say but, for now, this will have to suffice!

You ever get that feeling when everything in life just seems to be working out for you? When one moment you're on the edge and then the next you feel safe, like the pieces have finally come together in your favour? That despite all that might be working against you, the things that you hope for the most are finally happening? It's an amazing feeling. It replaces helplessness and anxiety. When you experience that feeling, make sure to hold on to it because you never know how long it may last.

U2 live at Etihad Stadium, Melbourne

December 1, 2010: U2 at Etihad Stadium, Melbourne

Marching to the tune of David Bowie's 'Space Oddity' was fitting as U2 took to their 360 degree rocket-inspired stage and kick-started their 2010 Australian tour. With such an esteemed reputation for their live performances, from the stage design alone you knew you were in for a treat.

Starting off the night with 'Beautiful Day', U2 played songs from across the eras; from 'I Will Follow' and 'Sunday Blood Sunday' to more recent songs such as 'Get On Your Boots' and 'Vertigo'. During 'Sunday Blood Sunday', Jay-Z made an appearance to feature in the performance. Crowd favourites like 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For', 'Where The Streets Have No Name' and 'With Or Without You' had the audience screaming and taking over the part of vocals. It was an energetic night with a fabulous light show and captivating visuals. Truly an incredible night.

Also, throughout the show, Bono, a passionate advocate for social justice, described the conditions in less fortunate countries and how a small contribution on our behalf can have an immense impact. A lot of people perceive the U2 frontman to be too flamboyant and 'preachy' when it comes to his outspoken views on social issues around the world. However, I find it truly inspiring the conviction of his words and the passion he has for wanting to change conditions in society. Everybody wants the world to be a better place and for the less privileged countries to have equal opportunities and, given the opportunity, we would all do something about it if that chance were ever to arise. So how can people sit back and criticise a man who is in a position where he can make a difference. With millions of people looking up to him around the world, he is in a position where people listen to him. Standing in front of a crowd of 60,000 onlookers, speaking his words of awareness, his message instantly reaches another 60,000 people in the world. If you had the opportunity to raise awareness in such a way, wouldn't you seize the moment too?

The setlist for the night was as follows:
1. Return Of The Stingray Guitar Intro + Beautiful Day
2. I Will Follow
3. Get On Your Boots
4. Magnificent
5. Mysterious Ways
6. Elevation
7. Until The End Of The World
8. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
9. Mercy
10. Bad
11. In A Little While
12. Miss Sarajevo
13. City Of Blinding Lights
14. Vertigo
15. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
16. Sunday Bloody Sunday ft. Jay-Z
17. Scarlet
18. Walk On
Encore
19. Desmond Tutu speech + One
20. Where The Streets Have No Name
Encore 2
21. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
22. With Or Without You
23. Moment of Surrender

It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time

While laying here in bed, waiting for sleep to grace me with its presence, I can't help but let my mind wander. And the current thought that's weaving it's way through the labyrinth that is my mind; fate. Whatever you may call it or whatever you believe in, whether it be fate, destiny, coincidences or free will, there are those moments in our lives where we doubt our own beliefs and open ourselves up to the possibility of different views.
Now, I've given this subject of free will vs. fate a lot of thought, and I've never been able to come to a definite conclusion. However, the more I think about it, the more I'm leaning towards believing in fate. I'm a firm believer in the notion that "everything happens for a reason", so it would only make sense for me to believe in fate, right?

Well, I have a story to tell you. The events of this story, while taking place in a slightly intoxicated state, truly freaked me out.. (even when I was sober)!
It was Monday November 15, 2010 and I had sat my very last VCE exam earlier that day. As a celebration of the end of exams I had a group of friends around for pizza and drinks. Being the responsible young adults that we are, we had some people who had to drive who were not drinking. Emily was one of those sober people. Kaitlyn was also another, however she wasn't going to turn up until later on in the night. Rach on the other hand was not one of the non-drinkers. So, when it came time for Rach to go to Bonnie's house (who lives around the corner and down the road; a 5min drive but a 30min walk. Rach was getting picked up from Bonnie's house cos it was easier for Rach's mum to go to a familiar house) I said that rather than Rach walking (which she wanted to do) it would be safer for Emily to drive Rach to Bonnie's and, seeing as how Emily didn't know the area well, I should go too as the navigator. So it was decided; Emily and I would leave to take Rach to Bonnie's. On the way to Bonnie's place though I told Emily to take a right turn onto the road that would take us past my old house (which is also a 5min drive from my current house and literally down the road from Bonnie's). It was a split decision for me to tell Emily to turn right and, seeing as we had some time before Rach's mum would arrive, Emily followed my directions. We turned into my old court and, being the slightly drunk person that I was, I excitedly told Rach and Emily about all the houses in my old court as we passed them, until we got to my old house at the end of the court. There was a car parked outside my old house, but I thought nothing of it; I was too wrapped up in telling my random stories. That was until Emily said "hey, isn't that Kaitlyn?". That's when I looked at the car parked out front my old house and realised it was Kaitlyn. She obviously hadn't noticed it was us in the car because she started her car and began to drive off. I told Emily to hurry up and follow Kaitlyn and, again in my slightly drunk state, I opened the passenger door while we were still moving and ran after Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn then stopped and pulled over. I went to her car, she wound down the window and, naturally, she was surprised to see me. She said "Jys, what are you doing here?" to which I replied "I came to visit my old house! What are you doing here?!". Kaitlyn just looked at me and said "I thought this is where you lived.. Number **, ********* Court?" By this time I was in almost in hysterics! I looked at Kaitlyn and I said "Kaitlyn, this is my old house. I haven't lived here for 3 years. You've never been to this house and I've never had reason to give you this address.." Kaitlyn, however, could have sworn that the house she was parked out front of was my house! I told Kaitlyn where we were off to and that she should just follow us until we get back to my house.
So that's what we did. Emily and I dropped Rach off at Bonnie's house with Kaitlyn following behind us. We made it back to my house where the three of us rejoined the party. Kaitlyn made it to my current residential address and we had a good time! However, it really shook me how that whole event panned out! I mean, what are the chances that I would make a last minute decision to tell Emily to turn right? What are the chances that Kaitlyn would go to my old house? What are the chances that we would actually find Kaitlyn at my old house? Had I not told Emily to turn, we wouldn't have gone to my old house and we wouldn't have found Kaitlyn! It may sound silly, but just think about it; what are the chances of that happening?! What if it hadn't have been me who went with Emily to give directions? Bonnie easily could have gone with the girls as she also lives in the area. If that had been the case then she definitely wouldn't've made the turn. I was the only one who could have gone and possibly made that decision. And what even made me decide to take the girls to my old house in the first place?
After that incident, and given the eerie conversation topic I'd been discussing with Rach and Bonnie earlier in the night, I was genuinely spooked a little by what happened and it really cemented my belief in things happening for a reason; in fate!

Paramore live at Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne

October 13, 2010: Paramore at Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne

The setlist:
1. Ignorance
2. Feeling Sorry
3. That’s What You Get
4. For A Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic
5. Emergency
6. Playing God
7. Careful
8. Decode
9. You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man (Acoustic)
10. When It Rains (Acoustic)
11. Where The Lines Overlap (Acoustic)
12. Misguided Ghosts (Acoustic)
13. Crushcrushcrush
14. Pressure
15. Looking Up
16. The Only Exception
Encore:
17. Brick By Boring Brick
18. Misery Business

The setlist was only posted online recently, hence my delay in posting the setlist or anything to do with the gig at all. One thing I will say though, it was an AMAZING night! They truly know how to put on a great, energetic show! And Hayley Williams, quite simply, is hot! lol

Sometimes things happen in life that make you step back and reassess the world from a different perspective. When random and unpredictable events occur they take you completely off guard. During these times you can be left feeling angry, confused and unsettled. But sometimes it's amazing how clear things become amongst the tragedy. Suddenly what used to have you pondering away your time becomes blatantly obvious. You straight away priortise what's important to you and come to realise what it is you value most in your life. I find it incredible how people can set aside their differences when the time calls for it. The overwhelming love and support that people offer in times of need really proves that, despite everything that's wrong in the world, just below the surface is a society that will always come through for one another. And, if you think about it, it's a comforting thought to hold onto.

Day Twenty-One - Your Reflection In The Mirror

Dear my reflection in the mirror,

You know what, I originally had something else written for you and I've had it saved as a draft for days, but I've decided against using it. This will be the shortest letter I've written because there's nothing to say that you already don't know; if anything you know more about me than I do. I look at you and I see every mistake and every flaw. I look at you and you revolt me. Sometimes it's easy to look beyond the image you cast and sometimes it's not. Nothing is hidden from you; nothing gets past you. Sometimes I'm content and sometimes I want more from you. You confuse me and frustrate me and shock me and, sometimes, make me proud. Really, there is nothing more to say; you already know it.

-Jyssica.

Day Twenty - That Person You Want To Tell Everything To, But Are Too Afraid To

Dear that person I want to tell everything to,

I don't like to keep secrets; they make me feel like I'm betraying people. Even if it's something minor I'll still feel bad, as if I'm lying or something; it's very easy to make me feel bad about keeping a secret. That is, when it's my secret. I don't like that feeling of holding things back from the people that mean the most to me. If I'm told a secret in the confidence that I won't say a word, then you can hold me to that; I'm very good with other peoples privacy. It's only when there's something on my mind that I'll feel guilty about hiding things. However, it's a little bit silly, isn't it? I mean, we should all feel comfortable in keeping certain bits of information to ourselves if that's what we feel is necessary. Well, regardless, I still feel as if I should tell certain people everything, and that's why I feel bad for keeping some things from them; things that's I've done, things that I've been through, thoughts that I have, things that I do.
But, to those people that I keep things from, that doesn't mean I don't respect, love or trust you; it just means that I feel that some things are better left undiscussed. I mean, mostly everything is in the past, so there's really no need to bring it up again. And some things you just wouldn't understand. When I do open up to people, that takes a lot for me to do that. It's very hard for people to gain my absolute and complete trust, so if I do divulge certain information to you it is because I trust you with every ounce of my heart and my soul; and even then, it's unlikely that anyone will ever know every single thing about me. If you break that trust though, don't think that you will ever regain it. You might, but it really depends on how much you hurt me.
There are certain people that I wish I could tell everything to, but I don't see that happening. Like I said, this has nothing to do with trust, it's just that I feel more comfortable keeping some things to myself; it's got nothing to do with you personally. And sometimes I wish I could just come out and tell you everything, but I always change my mind. It's not so much about being afraid as it is about wanting to keep at least one bit of information to do with myself private and away from the minds of other people. By keeping little bits of information to myself, it makes me feel like I have some control over the situation; that everything I do in regards to this knowledge is influenced by nothing else but me; and I feel that it's important to have this sense of individual power sometimes, that you are the Master of your own fate and the Captain of your soul.

-Jyssica.

Day Nineteen - Someone That Changed Your Life

Dear someone who changed my life,

It's very rare that I open up to people on a deep, personal level. I am, however, completely transparent when it comes to my obsessions and weird little mannerisms; in a way I'm utterly predictable! I'm so outspoken about the things that I'm passionate about that people can read me like an open book! In saying this though, there is more to me than meets the eye; that's right, I'm a transformer, lol. In all seriousness though, I'm a lot more complex than people may assume. There are only a handful of people who have ever glimpsed this side of me, and an even fewer amount still who have actually witnessed this side of me in full force. It is these couple of people who changed my life; who saved my life. Whether it was a conscious effort or not, they all had their role to play. Now, two paragraphs for two special people. (NOTE: there is a third person here, but they already have their own post. This person was/is an incredible strength to me and I don't know what I would have done without them. They have never once judged me based on anything I've ever told them. They know exactly how much they mean to me, at least I hope they do, and nothing will ever, ever change that).

You were there for me when I had no one else to turn to. Don't ask me how it happened, because I don't have a clue, but something changed in our friendship that pushed us from being friends to best friends. Perhaps it was our ability to identify with each other; both in different circumstances, yet both still able to understand where the other person was coming from. For a very long time I came to you for everything. I literally poured my heart out to you because I didn't know what else to do. I needed this weight off of my shoulders and you were my go-to. I felt bad burdening you with my issues when you had your own to deal with, but I guess in a way this just strengthened our bond. I will never, ever forget one specific night when I was babysitting my neighbours. I was watching 'The Boy In The Striped Pyjama's'. I came home that night and I wasn't in a good state.. You helped me through that. I don't even know if you remember.. There is obviously a lot of that story that I'm not going to reveal for the sake of this letter, but trust me when I say what you did for me that night I will never forget. You were there for me every single step of the way, not once losing patience with me or abandoning me. What we went through, and how you helped me, I'm forever in debt to you. I realise that you think you did nothing, but let me assure you that you did do something; more than just a mere 'something'.. perhaps more than you'll ever know. And for everything you did for me, I am eternally grateful.

You did what you did for me without having any clue of the effect you would have. I just want you to know the respect and admiration I have for you. I have always looked up to you; everything about you is how I'd wanna be, your freedom comes naturally. I've never had many older female influences in my life that were close to my age, so once I met you it was like I had finally discovered the big sister that I never had. You're just so intelligent and witty and talented!! After I pretty much lost contact with everyone, you were the one person who I maintained a connection with; and I'm so thankful for that! You really are a bundle of energy and positivity! You have such an optimistic view on life in general! "It's hard to be blue when the sun shines on your day off and you have a bag full of books which cost nothing at all". I love that you get joy out of the simple things in life; a cosy cafe with a tea and good book to keep you company. Sorry to ramble on, but you must understand how much your opinion means to me; because when you sent me a letter out of the blue one day, that was a turning point for me. The letter was unexpected and it made me realise that even though we never actually saw each other anymore, you were still sensing that there was something wrong. For you to be able to guage something like that from such a distance really made me start to think; Not only was I affecting the people I saw on a daily basis, but I had managed to draw your attention. I can't even explain to myself, let alone to everyone else, what snapped within me. But whatever it was, something changed inside of me. From that day on I started to view the world differently; I started to change my opinion on life. By no means did everything suddenly go away, nor do I think it ever will, but from that day onwards things have never been the same. I still keep on me at all times the little ticket you sent me with your letter - it's a constant reminder for me of what to strive for.
Without the love and support of those people closest to me, then I don't know where I would be today. So to all those people who have ever helped me out, whether the favour be big or small, I thank you so much ♥

-Jyssica.

Day Eighteen - The Person You Know That Is Going Through The Worst Of Times

Dear the person who I know is going through the worst of times,

It's so hard for me to watch you go through this. I feel so helpless, like there's nothing at all that I can do. I don't know what to say; I don't know what to do. I feel as if you're putting on a brave face for the world when inside you're really falling apart. You're such a strong person, and always have been! The horrors that have been thrown your way in the past 6 months would have had everyone else running away had it been them in your position; but that's not like you. You're the type of person that puts everyone else's needs before your own. Despite how you're feeling, you still soldier on and act like everything is okay. But what you've had to deal with, it's not okay. Behind closed doors and away from everyone else, I can't begin to understand how hard it must be for you. I mean, I know how much it hurt me, so I can only begin to imagine the impact this whole ordeal has had on you. And it seems to be never ending.. there's always forms to fill out, people to speak to, phone calls to make.. it really does feel as if it's going to go on forever! Realistically it will all wrap up eventually, but it really has dragged on for longer than necessary, only making the whole situation worse. I want nothing more than for things to back to the way they were before all of this happened, but that's just not possible; nothing will ever be the same again. I've heard you on the phone, had to listen to the aftermath of said phone calls, I've seen the way that your expression changes from time to time.. I hate seeing you like this, and I wish I knew what I could do to help. But like I said, you're strong! You have such a strong will and determination. You're surrounded by a loving family who will always be there for you no matter what. Together as one united front we can all move on; together we're invincible. I hate that this has happened to you, and all in such a short period too. But know that we are here for you, and we love you.

-Jyssica.

Day Seventeen - The Person That Gave You Your Favourite Memory

Dear the person who gave me my favourite memory,

Again, this isn't a specific person as much as it's a specific group of people; my grade 6 primary school class! Whenever someone asks me about the most enjoyable time of my life, I always think back to grade 6. So many great memories are associated with that year! I guess there is one specific person who I was able to share it all with, and perhaps I'll direct this letter to her :)
It was 2004 and I was 11 going on 12 years old in my last year of primary school, and boy did we have fun! At the time all I wanted to do was get out of the place and be done with it, but looking back now I realise I should have enjoyed it while it lasted.. but that's not to say we didn't, because we definitely did! Even from the very first day of induction, you and I kick-started the memories! We were the only friends we had in the class.. We had other friends, but I mean from our friendship group. For induction we didn't have our regular teacher. It would have had to have been a Friday, because it was on Fridays that we had a substitute; our sports and information technology teacher. For the purposes of this letter we'll class him Mr. X (because he's gonna come up quite a bit, lol). Anyway, let's just say that Mr. X was not our favourite person in the world. We'd all been sitting on the floor and then Mr.X told the class to go and sit at our tables. However, we didn't want to do that. He kept telling us to go to the tables, but we refused to do that and instead just sat on the floor. Eventually he gave up and just continued on with the class with us still on the floor (..making faces at him and talking really loudly! lol) We decided for ourselves when we wanted to go sit in our chairs, and when we did, we picked the table that faced the wall and sat there, facing the wall. LOL. Ahh, Mr.X was such a source of amusement! Remember how every Friday, a bit of the day would be dedicated to his Spanish-ness, lol. He'd teach us about the Running of the Bulls and everything.. and we just wouldn't do the work. Oh, hahahaha.. or that day when Jackson was making those chicken noises, so Mr. X sent him into the bag room, but Jackson just got louder and louder! LOL. Oh, that was funny!! And the two groups of tables at the back of the classroom.. I think I was with Luke, Brooke and Judy.. and you were with Sean (?) Anyway, Brooke laughed like a hyena, and Judy used to always get frustrated with us!! lol. And the rubber collection we had!!! Whenever we rubbed some work out we would collect the shavings from it!! (where did that all end up, by the way? lol). And "talk talk talk talk" hahahaha! OMG, that was funny! We figured that you don't breathe when you talk, so everytime Brandon walked past we would start saying "talk talk talk talk" because we thought he smelt! LOL. haha, we were so mean to him. And that Friday we locked him in the sports shed! LOL! We had the duty of putting the blue bins away after lunch, and when we put the bins away we trapped him behind all the bins and then shut the roller door!! Then halfway through the lesson he finally returned to class once he was able to get himself out! Mr. X was like "where were you?" and he's like "I was in the shed." hahaha. OMG! What about silent reading!?!?! How it was a strict rule that we had to be quite, but we would pick a book and just read the last word of every line in the book out loud!! haha, sometimes it made sense too.. making up our own stories! haha, I remember we'd just burst into laughter all the time when we did that! And, of course, we'd get i trouble for it by Mr.X.. but then that would just make us do it more!!
Do you find it funny how everything so far has to do with us and our behaviour in Mr.X's classes.. haha, Friday's had to be the best day!
But then there's also our sports and IT classes with him! In IT he liked to use the overhead projector and his laptop, and he'd literally spend half the class giving us instructions on what to do because no one would listen to him!!! And when we finally did get to go onto the computers, he'd tell us to turn the sound down because otherwise it'd get too noisy.. so instead we turned the volume up! LOL. Or sports classes, when he'd give us instructions.. I remember the pavement on the footpath had been dug up a bit because they were looking for a drain or something.. anyway, there were little stones everywhere. And he said to us while we were on the basketball courts "please don't touch the stones".. so what do we do? .. We pick up the stones and throw them at him, LOL. hahahaha, ohhh gosh. We really were cruel! Then there was the fact that he changed the name of the game "Killer" because he thought it was too violent. So we changed it to "Socceroonie" instead. That way when he wrote it up on the board and rubbed a letter off at a time when we were naughty, it would take forever to rub off so we'd still end up playing it anyway!! But how competitive did he get when he joined in!!! Like, as the teacher you don't actually play. You join in and have fun, but you let the kids win.. but nup, not Mr.X! He got into it and wasn't happy when we said he went out! lol.
haha, are there any memories without Mr.X .. ?
lol, of course! I remember wet day programs! We'd all crowd around the radio.. listening to JoJo's 'Leave (Get Out)' or Stacie Orrico 'There's Gotta Be (More To Life)' or Usher 'Confessions' or Simple Plan!! Oh, remember our obsession with Simple Plan!?!? I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair. ohhh, or that day we had a beatboxing competition. And Brandon got up and was full serious, and people were like "yeah.. that's okay".. but then we got up and were full spastic, and everyone voted us the winners!! LOL. Wet day programs were fun!!
Music in general that year was awesome! Simple Plan, blink182! I remember you used to get the lyrics wrong to both 'Perfect' and 'I Miss You' and I'd always correct you and you'd get annoyed! lol. That was the year when you brought me down!! lol, your punk rock influence! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! hahaha. OMG! What about Maroon 5, 'She Will Be Loved' .. ? hahaha. And she will. Be loved. And she will. Be lo-uh-uh-uh-uh-ved. Even now when I hear that song I think of you! Blink182's self-titled album also reminds me of grade 6; grade 6 swimming to be specific. I got it for my birthday that year, and I as I wasn't doing school swimming, I'd listen to it on the side of the pool, using my WALKMAN! haha. And we'd listen to it on the bus to and from swimming.
And our competitiveness with our school work!! Everytime we did some work, everyone would always think mine was better. Then one day we didn't say which piece of work belonged to who, and then when you asked people, they still thought the one that belonged to me was better! haha. OH! And Ralia!! hahahaha! How when we were doing the topic of Aboriginals we couldn't come up with names for the people in our stories, so we just took letters out of words from the wall displays! ('Ralia' came from the word 'Australia' hahah). OMFG! MY RULER! I STILL HAVE IT!!! XD Haawah Hooganahboogahnah!! LOLOLOL! And how we made holes in it and dug grooves into it so we could have pen races!! hahahaha!! Jesus Christ we had so much fun!!! And Maths Mastery. The last question was always algebra or something, and we always got like 20/20 and felt so smart!!
Man, 2004 with you was SO much fun! There are SO many more memories that I know we'll discuss once you've seen this! lol. Thank you so much for being apart of all of this! It was such an epic year and I wouldn't trade the memories for anything!!

-Jyssica.

Day Sixteen - Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To

Dear someone I want to give a second chance to,

This is less of someone and more of an entire population, that population including you and me; the world. We all deserve a second chance, right? Well, apparently we all do. Sometimes it's difficult to "forgive and forget", I know I have trouble on the whole "forgetting" part of that.. but still, everyone deserves forgiveness, don't they? Honestly, I don't think they do; not everyone. If you make a mistake, you should learn to live with the consequences. Some mistakes are forgivable; others are not. If you happen to do something that is unforgivable, then don't expect anyone to give you a second chance. This doesn't mean you won't be given one though.. I said not to expect one, that doesn't necessarily mean that some generous person out there won't give you one.
The world is made up of billions of people, everyone being their own unique individual making their own contribution to the world. However, not all contributions are positive. I look around and I see chaos and destruction everywhere. We have countries at war for the most ridiculous reasons because everyone is too narrow-minded and ignorant to come to some agreement. There is violence between different races and cultures, sexes, age groups.. everywhere you look there is likely to be some form of conflict. We have people in our society that think that it's okay to target the more vulnerable. There are violent fights, beatings, stabbings, shootings.. on a less violent scale, but serious nonetheless, there's the typical insulting, name-calling and schoolyard bullying (which these days has started to involve the more serious types of violence). Since when is any of this okay? Who honestly thinks that it's nothing to be apart of such behaviour? Kids teasing other kids, parents taking discipline too far, husbands beating on their wives.. none of this is okay!! The sooner that everyone realises this then the better off we'll all be. Not only does this behaviour effect those involved, but it also affects society as a whole. We all witness the aftermath of these conflicts, we all have to try and work to put the pieces back together.. but regardless of how hard we try to build things back up, there is always going to be a number of people working equally as hard to tear everything back down! It doesn't matter how much time and effort you put into trying to make the word a better place, because evil is always going to exist! Humans are some of the most vile and malicious creatures on this earth, and unfortunately we find ourselves in a position of utmost power.
I want to give the world a second chance. I want to be able to say "hey, we've all made mistakes, let's try harder next time to make the right decision".. but the fact is, the world doesn't deserve a second chance, not in my eyes. History has proven this! We've had our chances to learn from the past, but time and time again we make the same stupid mistakes!! Until there comes a time when we do actually say to ourselves "somethings gotta change", then I refuse to forgive the world. I hope that one day I can but, for now, that's not happening.

-Jyssica.

Day Fifteen - Someone You Judged By Their First Impression

Dear someone I judged by first impressions,

This could be relevant to so many people. In fact I'm positive that it is. I can't think of a specific example, so I suppose this is to anyone in general who I've judged based on first impressions. If you try and tell yourself that you've never judged someone in the very first moments of meeting them, then you'd be lying. You don't even have to have met the person in order to have judged them. Either way, we've all done it. It's human nature to do so.
I've judged people and thought them to be complete bitches, only to realise that they're the sweetest people ever. I've also had it the other way round too, where I've thought someone to be really nice, only to have them turn out to be the complete opposite. Regardless of which case it is, we still shouldn't judge people. Sometimes you might be correct, but 9 outta 10 times you'll be wrong.
When we judge people we limit ourselves and tend to make generalisations. We blind ourselves to the truth; of seeing someone for who they really are. As someone who is regularly misunderstood and judged on first impressions, you'd think that I wouldn't be one to judge.. so I suppose you might consider me to be a hypocrite then. I don't mean to judge people, I just can't help it. How does that old saying go?.. "you should never judge a book by it's cover".. well, it's true. Hopefully I can one day learn to live by this saying.. but for now, I'm sorry if I've judged you incorrectly and if that has in anyway affected you. I know that it's never fun to have people think you're someone other than who you are. So, if this relate to you in anyway, then I'm sorry.

-Jyssica.

Day Fourteen - The Person That You Wish You Could Be

Dear the person that I wish I could be,

It's simple; I wish I could be a better person. I wouldn't want to actually be another person, I just wish I could be a different version of myself; an alternate me. I used to always want to be someone else; someone who was pretty, had lots of friends, fit in with everyone, was liked by everyone, had great taste in fashion.. but then I quickly realised, that's an incredibly superficial person I wanted to be. After realising this, from a very young age, I decided to not aspire to be that sort of person. Granted, I was always envious of those people who had it all, but I figured that I was never going to reach anything near it so why even bother.. So instead I was an introverted outcast; I was timid, self-conscious, quiet and 'weird'.
I used to hate that I was like this, but then I again realised that this didn't matter. It didn't matter what anyone else thought; I was free to be me. However, I always wanted to be a better person. I think that I've come a long way from who I used to be, but I still have a fair way to go. I'm still self-conscious, lacking self-esteem, have no confidence and, from time to time, hate who I am in general. But in saying this, these things aren't nearly as bad as what they used to be. I just wish that I wasn't so afraid of taking risks; to be able to put myself on the line without being afraid of what the consquences will be.
There will always be things I want to change about myself, and not just aspects that revolve around me. To me, the most important things I want to change about myself are the things that affect other people. I wish I was more socially active within the community. I wish I was more charitable. I wish I had a higher tolerance for people. I wish that I wasn't so mean to my brothers. I wish that I could treat everyone with respect. I care about the state of the world and I want to make a difference, but I wish that I was more motivated.. in all aspects of my life.
I'm nowhere near perfect and there are many things that I'd like to change in order to become a better person who can make a positive contribution to society. If I can one day be one of those people who had a positive impact, then I'll be able to live with all my flaws, because what's most important is the livelihood of everyone else around me and ensuring that they have the life that they deserve.

-Jyssica.

Day Thirteen - Someone That's Not In Your State/Country

Dear someone that isn't in my state or country,

You know, I originally had different intentions for this letter, but I think I've just thought of the perfect person/people to write to so I don't double up with my letters.. :) This is for the lovely Japanese people living in Sapporo, Hokkaido! :)
I mean, you guys gave me the experience of a life time!! Being in your company, you made us (my fellow Australian school friends) feel so welcome! After two weeks of travelling around your beautiful country, our final destination was your town. Sapporo in the winter time is cold; cold, yet so magnificently beautiful. We received nothing but respect and a friendly exchange :) When we were terrified of trying to fit in in such a foreign environment, you helped us to feel as comfortable as possible! If you ask me, the one week stay at your school was definitely not long enough!!
And my dear host family; the Shinya household! Such amazing people! I was so nervous about staying with a host family by myself with no Australian, English speaking, friends of mine! However, from the very moment that we met I knew I was in safe hands! I remember meeting you for the first time.. Satomi was still in her dance class, so it was just me and Toshimi.. and everyone thought the height difference between us was hilarious!! I also remember that you held out to me my profile sheet and asked me "how do you pronounce it?" and you pointed to my name, lol. So, sorry for having such a difficult name, lol. In so many ways I felt like you became my family; my Japanese family! Some of my friends were having a difficult time settling in, but I never once had that problem. We hit it off straight away, and for that I am very grateful! We would go shopping all the time, take purikura photos, have take out for dinner (which was ALWAYS delicious!), go on rides and go to games centres at 10pm at night! Whenever I was trying something for the first time, or if you thought maybe I might feel uncomfortable doing something, the word we would always use was "challenge", lol. It was our word that meant, 'I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I'll give it a shot anyway!'. Not only did you embrace me within the household, but into your extended family too! I remember meeting up with Hiromi many times, especially on the last night I was in Japan. We went out for dinner to a traditional Japanese restaurant with all the trimmings! Hiromi came that night too, and you were all lovely enough to shower me with gifts. It was hard to say good bye to all of you, and I hope that someday we can all meet again! Satomi has visited Australia and my family was lucky enough to host her. It was wonderful to be able to see you again! I've hosted before, and sometimes there's awkwardness in the first couple of days, and just as their about to go, that's when you feel comfortable. However, as we had already met before we never experienced that! AND in fact, you're returning back to Australia today for a 5 day stay (with a different family though). It will be fabulous to see you again!! :)
So, thank you for such an amazing, once-in-a-life-time experiences!

-Jyssica.

Day Twelve - The Person You Miss The Most

Dear the person I miss the most,

Before I started writing this letter, I realised just how difficult this was going to be; but I'm going to get through this one because you mean so much to me.

It's been 4 months at 15 days since the last time I saw you. Even now I still find it hard to just think about you, because when I do think about you I'm always reminded of the fact that I'm never going to see you again. It isn't until I'm in the privacy of my own room that I can think things through properly, because that's when I can have my own reflective moment without anyone else to witness. I miss you so much and nothing will ever change that. You meant so much to me, and still do. A part of me worries that I never told you enough how much I loved you while I still had the chance; but I suppose you would have had to have known. My childhood was spent growing up with you and your influence. You gave me memories that I will hold dear and cherish for the rest of my life. I owe so much of who I am to you. And I just hope that you knew how much you meant to me. As I've previously stated, I'm not much of the religious type. However I know that to you religion was everything; you even told me once, while reflecting upon all that was important to you, completely acknowledging the conditon you were in, that you felt that your most important relationship was your relationship with God. Now, I mightn't believe in it, but I know you did. So I truly hope that for your sake you're right, because I couldn't hope for anything more than for you to have found peace in a better place. You were/are an inspiration to me. Despite your declining state you never gave up. Even in your final moments you refused to give in. You were such a strong individual! You lived through some of the most difficult situations but always made it through. You built a life for yourself and for your family and gave so much to everyone around you. I am so honoured and proud to be able to say that you were mine; that you are my grandfather. Never will I forget the precious times I spent with you; weekends with you and grandma, taking walks by the river, the bike rides or walks into town, driving around in the Vinnies truck, playing Mahjong with you, the little hop/skip you would do in order for us to be walking with the same foot in front of the other, working in your garage and fixing everything that you thought was broken (even if sometimes it wasn't, lol), playing in the park and collecting acorns, even simply sitting on the couch with you watching TV (I also remember the time that Titanic was on TV and I wanted to watch it and as soon as the sex scene in the car came up you were like "okay Jyssica, I think it's time for bed", lol). All of these memories, and so much more, are what I will hold onto for a lifetime. No amount of words will ever be able to express how much I love you or miss you. So I'll say one last thing; I love you, and I miss you so much, and despite the fact that you may no longer be here with us anymore, your memory will live on forever in our hearts ♥

-Love from your granddaughter, Jyssica ♥

Day Eleven - Someone You've Drifted Away From

Dear someone I've drifted away from,

This is actually a very simple task to write this letter because it goes out to pretty much everybody I've ever known. It was never a conscious decision to distance myself from you, it sort of just happened via the natural progression of life. I have always considered myself to be an outsider with no real place where I felt I belonged. I never saw this as a negative though because I have always been content living in my own little private world. My very nature has always been to keep to myself and to blend in; I never sought to stand out amongst the crowd. This, however, wasn't the real me. In the privacy of my own world I was, and still am, slightly on the eccentric side, as a few people will be able to attest to. Regardless of what I was like behind closed doors, this didn't change the fact that I was essentially a completely different person when around others. I used to try to please other people, to make them want to have me around. I never got on anyones bad side and always tried to fit in and contribute to the group without being too overtly opinionated. With so many more confident and charasmatic people around, I gave up on trying to make a name for myself and opted to just hide away in the shadows. I have always stood firm about being yourself and not caring what other people think, but it wasn't until not that long ago that I actually started to listen to myself.
I have always had friends, but I went for a very long time without having the friend; the best friend. I was a drifter. I didn't go more than a year hanging out with the same crowd at school. A new year meant a new group of friends. It wasn't that I stopped being friends with anyone, it was just the simple fact that people grow up; people change. In some cases it was everyone in the group that went their separate ways; in other cases it was just me. In those particular instances I just felt that everyone else was changing together, developing the same interests and passions. It just happened to be that I wasn't going in the same direction as them, hence why I drifted a lot.
I am still friends with most of the people I've drifted away from, it's just that we're nowhere near as close as we used to be. Sometimes I feel jealous when I look at those people now and see that they're all still together; it makes me wonder what I did wrong and why I'm always the one who seems to lose people. I used to think that if I was going to keep losing people all the time then maybe I should just conform and become another face in crowd; other times I thought I should just give up on the friends thing all together. But now I know I was just being silly. I still have those wonderful people in my life, and I've now found my little 'click' XD . I couldn't ask for a more amazing group of people to surround myself with. So despite the fact that I've drifted away from so many people, they will always mean so much to me for everything that they did, and I'm just grateful that I now have a place where I feel I belong.

-Jyssica.

Day Ten - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

Dear a deceased person I wish I could talk to,

Six months ago this would only have been directed to two people; unfortunately that number has increased. Nevertheless, there will be plenty of time to dedicate to those more recent losses, and for now I'm going to take the opportunity to write to one particular person whom I've been longing to talk to for so long, regardless of the fact that it will never happen.
Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to meet you. You were before my time; taken away from this world long before I was even a mere thought in anyone's mind. I've heard stories about you, about how you raised your son practically on your own after the death of your husband. In all honesty, I find the whole situation surrounding your side of the family very confusing. However, from what I've heard, you were an amazing woman. I've seen photos of you; photos of a long distant past, enjoying the moment while it lasted. I've heard of the lessons that you taught your son, the morals that you instilled within him. I've heard about the hardships that you had to endure within your life, hardships that you faced and conquered. I suppose life was harder back then; harder, yet in many ways a much simpler time.
It's a shame that we were never even given a chance to meet. I know that one of the things you wanted most in the world was a granddaughter; well, here I am. I'm technically a religious person, but a piece of paper means nothing to me unless you actually have faith. So I suppose I don't really consider myself to be religious at all. Sure, I have my beliefs, but they're my beliefs based on what I choose to believe, not what I'm told to believe. One of the many things that I believe in is the existance of spirits. I believe that once we die there is no heaven or hell for us to go to, I simply can't wrap my head around that concept. However, I believe that once we die, if you are leaving something behind in this world that you have an unbelievable connection with, whether that be due to love, vengance or 'unfinished business', I believe that you can remain on the earth as a spirit, tied down to whatever is keeping you here until you have made peace. From there where do we go? I can't answer that. All I know is that I used to hold onto the hope that you were still around. I used to talk to you whenever I felt alone; the conversation may have been extremely one sided (lol) but still, it made me feel like I was almost 'confessing' myself to you, getting rid of the weight that was keeping me down. I found comfort in that small hope that I had, and I held it close to my heart. As I got older that hope faded, however I'm thankful for my youthful innocence and the role that you played in that. I suppose a part of me will always hold onto the tiniest shred of hope that you might still be out there watching over me, but I no longer rely on it.
I wish that I could have met you, and I wish that I believed that we one day could. But no matter how hard I wish, that will never happen. So what I hold onto now is a desire to be the kind of person that you could have been proud of; someone who you would have been proud to call your granddaughter.

-Jyssica.