Friday, June 19, 2009

I See You Lying Next To Me With Words I Thought I'd Never Speak

Friday 19 June, 2009 - 7:50pm

I've now been officially seventeen years old for five days. And I've got to say, this last week has been ace!
On Saturday night Emma and Emily stayed over. At 12am they gave me my birthday present. It was this awesome scrapbook that they had put together! It really is quite rad! Then I woke up on Sunday morning and found I had a text from Kirra saying happy birthday and telling me to check my mailbox. So, I checked my mailbox. She gave me a book; The Secret Garden! Which was awesome! I also got a camera from my family! Now that was cool! It's a full awesome camera! So now I can use it when I feel like being a wannabe photographer! From my family I also got Twilight, the DVD.

Then Sunday night I went to the Pancake Parlour with Emily, Emma, Elly, Elouise and Bec. That was heaps fun! Elly, Emma and Emily put together these Supernatural pictures in a frame! It looks completely professional! And from Elouise I got 'The Book Thief', can't wait to get around to reading that. Then I got a Twilight poster from Bec, and some chocolates. Oh, Elly, Emma and Emily also got a chalkboard, lol. And another Twilight poster from Elly. It was a fun night! Pancakes, funny videos filmed on my new camera, weird random guys clapping after singing Happy Birthday, waiters and waitresses thinking we're crazy and a scary bicycle riding clown thing hanging from the roof.

We had Tuesday off school; report proof reading day?.. Just an excuse for a day off. But I had Thursday off as well. So my week has been a bit broken up. I'm really pumped for school to finish. It's not as if we're doing anything anyway. We're not allowed to officially start unit 2 until next term, so there's no real point in even showing up. Anyway, school's nearly at an end, yay!

All in all, things are going alright. It's so random how all this came about. This sudden good mood of mine. Ah well, =]

I think I should list the songs that are currently in my 'Radical Awesome Gnarly Songs' playlist. (lol, yes. I know I'm slightly weird)
(these are in no particular order, just on shuffle!)

Dear Father - Sum 41
Kiss And Control - AFI
Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance
Made Of Steel - Our Lady Peace
In The End - Linkin Park
Story Of A Lonely Guy - blink-182
There Is - Boxcar Racer
Walking Disaster - Sum 41
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects
The Adventure - Angels And Airwaves
Silver And Cold - AFI
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Stockholm Syndrome - blink-182
Love Like Winter - AFI
Valentine's Day - Linkin Park
My Immortal (Rock Version) - Evanescence
The River - Good Charlotte
Innocent - Our Lady Peace
Pieces - Sum 41
Lonely Day - System Of A Down
No, It Isn't - +44
The Hell Song - Sum 41
Angels On The Moon - Thriving Ivory
Rooftops - Lost Prophets
Not Now - blink-182
Asthenia - blink-182
Seize The Day - Avenged Sevenfold
Thief - Our Lady Peace
Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Helena - My Chemical Romance
Speak Of The Devil - Sum 41
Blue And Yellow - The Used
Prayer Of The Refugee - Rise Against
You're Not Alone - Saosin
Wake Up - The Living End
The Leaving Song - AFI
...But Home Is Nowhere - AFI
Tonight - FM Static
Before It's Too Late - Goo Goo Dolls
Work - Jimmy Eat World
that was really hard to just bold my favourites in that list, i pretty much highlighted them all!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Attention: Mission Sonar Overthrow is now in progress

Thursday 11 June, 2009; a day that will go down in history as the start of a revolution.

Please, this is a very important community announcement. It would be much appreciated, more importantly for your own safety, if you would read the following passage.

It has come to the attention of myself, and another brilliant-minded person, the undercover sabotage that it currently taking place within the technological world. In short, what does this mean? Basically it means that technology is rapidly rising up to take over the world! And our aim as well-informed members of society is so overthrow the malicious ever-evolving powers of technology.

Now, all this cannot be said without some hard evidence. It might seem like nothing to you, but this is just simply because you have become desensitised to these wicked acts which have become apart of your seemingly normal everyday lives. Have you ever innocently been using your computer when it will shut itself off? Or perhaps your CD-Rom drive just will not open? Gone to open up an internet website, only to have multiple blank pages open? Or maybe it hasn't involved the internet at all... Ever paused a DVD and walked away from the TV, to come back and press play with the volume up to the maximum? Had troubles with you iPod? Does it pause for no reason? Has it ever just suddenly frozen? Does the screen on your phone freeze and turn white? Does your phone flash for no reason?

The abovementioned "technical difficulties" are just a few examples of the acts conducted by technology. And maybe you're thinking that all of this is an overreaction... but please, this is a very serious situation. If electronic devices have the ability to do these things, can you imagine what they'll be able to do in years to come? Especially with the rate at which technology is advancing! And believe it or not, technology has already learnt how to transfer it's electronic powers into unelectrical devices such as the ordinary ballpoint pen. It may have been a single incident, but it happened to my very own co-partner in this operation.

Now that I'm sure we have your attention, you're probably wondering just how we intend to tackle this seemingly impossible task of overthrowing technology... Well, I'm here to reassure you and let you know, we have a plan! Out there, somewhere in the world, a motherboard of all motherboards is providing technology with the power it needs for total world domination. Our goal; to take down this motherboard! It doesn't sound easy, but with our knowledge and first-hand experiences at the hands of technology, we believe we have what it takes to succeed!

And so it shall be written; the mission of all missions. The mission to take down technology. The Mission Sonar Overthrow! It will be long. It will be arduous. But in the end, will it be successful? Two friends on a mission to find the truth. Two go in, but will both survive? In all likelihood there is a chance of incredible danger and possible death. But we are determined, for the sake of humanity, to give all that we have and step into the world of Mission Sonar Overthrow!

It seems to be the only one I remember!

That is, the only birthday i remember.
Today's Shia LaBeouf's birthday! Happy 23rd birthday!!

It's not that I forget everyone else's, even though that's the exact thing I renowned for doing, but I always seem to be on the computer when I remember Shia's. As opposed to Jared, Jensen and Rob. . . lol. Don't worry about me, I realise how pointless this post is.

Today I had the GAT too. Gosh, BORING! An essay on bees! An opinion piece on material possessions. And 70 multiple choice questions. Three hours of utter boredom! Not too mention how damn cold it was in the hall. Like, I don't think I can adequately describe the level of coldness in that place. Try to imagine sitting on ice in Antarctica during a snow storm, naked! That level of coldness doesn't even come close to what it was in the hall! I was actually shaking, involuntarily, because I was so cold. It was a painful cold too! My feet hurt like crazy, then I just stopped feeling all together! Then when it was over I was about to collapse. I was actually feeling dizzy and seeing stars. The GAT officially is a serious health hazard!

Anyways, I should try to get this RE assignment done. Seriously, RE? It's so stupid and boring and gah! A waste of my time!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Get down low and go, go, go!

So um, mum just left me home alone to look after the potatos that were cooking on the stove and then after they were cooked I had to mash them. . . sounds simple enough. For me, however, that apparently wasn't simple.

I was sitting here at the computer and thought I could smell something. But, I was too busy updating the layout to my MySpace to really bother with this mystery smell. Then I smelt it again; actually it had never gone away, I guess I just finally noticed it again. I sat here wondering what on earth it could be. Then, I remembered that there are potatos on the stove.

I got up and had a look and I saw that all the water in the pot had gone. I could also see ALOT of black. I picked the pot up and put it down on the counter. And what, you may ask, did I place this pot on? A plastic bread board! lol
Straight after I thought to myself what a stupid thing to do that was, but I was already searching for another pot to put the remaining potatos in to worry about it. Once I found one, I salvage what potatos I could.

Then I picked up the pot and put it in the sink. However!, while lifting the pot I realised it had melted to the bread board. So I ripped the pot from the board and put it in the sink. I got a big serving spoon and started to scratch off what I could from the bottom of the pot. I got heaps of washing detergent and just started scrubbing like mad!

Then I realised that the house smelled like smoke. So I opened up the back doors. But it wasn't doing anything. So, seeing as how mum was due back home any minute, I got my deodorant and started spraying like crazy!

Then I went back to working on cleaning the pot! I finally got most of it off, but there was still black marks everywhere! So I decided to just leave it in the sink with detergent in it and some water and let it soak.

When mum got home I went into the garage and saw Jack putting the doors of the cupboard in our garage back onto their tracks. I asked what happened and mum said she drove into the cupboard. I say to her 'huh, made a bit of a mistake, did you?' She just looks at me weird and says I'm crazy.
When she walks into the house she looks at me and says 'Jyssica, did you forget the potatos?' I just start laughing.

She goes into the kitchen and Jack conveniently points out the bread board, and then I pretty much just start laughing all over again.
I wait for mums reaction, and to my relief, she starts laughing too.
She tastes the potatos that I tried to make do with and tells me they taste a bit burnt. But I just tell her 'it's rustic. Think back to when we went camping. It's just like camping.'

lol. So that's my little story about my eventful afternoon. Nearly burnt my house down! Go me! Let this be a lesson to everyone; do NOT leave me in charge of anything that is in anyway capable of setting fire or causing serious damage! Because more than likely I will forget about whatever it is that I'm suppose to be keeping an eye on and, as a consequence, I could be the reason for you living out on the streets with no home.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Supernatural: Sex And Violence

Season Four-Episode Fourteen
Bedford, Iowa
Vicki Benson is tenderizing meat for supper when her husband Adam comes home late from work. When she talks about his boss keeping him late, he snaps at her and then apologizes. As she explains that she accepted a party invitation for a friend, he loses his temper with her again. Vicki apologizes but Adam picks up the meat tenderizer and beats her to death.
Dean wakes up in the morning to hear Sam making a secret phone call. Dean feigns being asleep and Sam comes in to tell him that he's got information on three murders in Bedford where the loving husbands brutally killed their wives. The brothers visit Adam in jail and he explains that he loved his wife and has no idea why he killed Vicki. He says he didn't feel possessed and they were happy. Dean reveals that Adam has $9,000 in credit card charges to a strip club, the Honey Wagon. He admits that he met a stripper there, Jasmine, who he fell in love with during a bachelor party. She told Adam that they could be together forever if he killed his wife. Adam admits he has no idea where Jasmine lives or what his real name is. He also says that he deserves to die and if he doesn't get the death sentence, he'll do it himself.
Pretending to be an FBI agent, Sam drops in to see Dr. Cara Roberts, who works with the sheriff's department. He asks her about the workups on the three killers and their victims, and reveals that the men had high levels of oxytocin hormones. Oxytocin causes love-type feelings. Dean comes in but Cara seems more interested in Sam. She admits that she has no explanation for the high levels of oxytocin.
A disgruntled Dean complains briefly to Sam about Cara, and then explains that the other two murders hid away funds to pay for their strippers, and frequented a club called the Honey Wagon. However, each man had a different stripper, perfect. They go to the club but the owner doesn't have any paperwork on any of the three strippers. Sam has talked to Bobby, who thinks that sirens are involved. Sirens are creatures that lure men to their deaths, and can read minds to give their victims a perfect mate. They figure it's a single creature, but they have no way to determine who in the club it might be.
In a booth, Lenny Bristol meets with an attractive stripper, Belle. They go to Lenny's place and he makes sure his mother is sleeping peacefully. After sex, Belle tells Lenny to beat his mother to death so they can be together always. He goes into the next room to do so and Belle leaves.
The next day, Dean is alone in the hotel room doing research and notices that Sam forgot his phone. Dean dials the last number and hears Ruby's voice. He hangs up and puts the phone down as Sam returns to tell Dean about Lenny. Bobby calls and tells them that he's determined a siren can be killed with a bronze dagger covered in the blood of someone affected by her song. He figures the "spell" is some kind of venom and it will kill her if she gets a dose. However, none of the guys in jail are under the siren's spell any more. Bobby warns that sirens can turn men to her advantage.
Sam and Dean visit Cara again and Sam asks her for a blood sample. They're interrupted when a real FBI agent, Nick Monroe, arrives, claims he's been assigned to the case, and asks for their IDs. They tell him to call their supervisor, Mike Kayser, and provide a phone number. Fortunately, they have things set up with Bobby to take any such calls and pass himself off as a FBI director. Monroe brings them up to speed and explains he's discovered all of the murderers had strippers at the club. Sam tells Dean to take Monroe with him to keep him busy while Sam gets the blood sample from Cara. Dean reluctantly agrees and fortunately, Monroe is impressed by the Impala. Meanwhile, Sam talks to Cara who reveals that the blood sample has disappeared.
At the club, Dean and Monroe bond over drinks, classic rock, and strippers. Monroe reveals he found a purple flower at every crime scene and Dean remembers where he's seen such flowers before: at Cara's office.
Sam and Cara go over the security tapes but can't find any indication of who stole the blood. Sam explains his theory that the men were drugged and Cara talks about how sometimes you can hate the person you love. She pours out whiskey for both of them and talks about her failed relationship with her ex-husband. Sam's phone rings but he ignores it, and Cara admits she's been thinking about him all day. She hits on him and they end up making love in her office.
Sam returns to his hotel room and calls Dean, who explains that Monroe found hyacinths at the crime scene that originated in the Mediterranean. Dean has checked on Cara and she's only been in town two months, and her ex-husband died of a heart attack. Sam doesn't believe it and Dean figures he had sex with Cara. Sam insists he feels fine and asks to meet, but Dean insists on handling it on his own. Sam angrily throws the phone away. Dean leaves a message for Bobby and then calls Monroe asking for his help.
Monroe watches the club and sees Cara arrive. Dean arrives and says they'll wait to see who she comes out with. As they pass a flask back and forth, Monroe is skeptical of Dean's "poison" theory, and then notes she might be using her saliva. "Monroe" then tells Dean that he can't trust Sam and needs to get him out of the way so he and Monroe can be brothers forever.
Sam returns to the hotel room and finds Nick waiting for him. Dean emerges from behind the door and grabs his brother, holding a knife to his neck. "Nick" assures him that he has total control of Dean because he gave him the brother he always wanted. The siren admits he's bored and wants to fall in love again, then spits its venom into Sam's mouth. It then tells them to fight it out and the winner can be with it forever. Dean says that the Sam he knew is gone and that he knows Sam called Ruby. Sam finally tells him that they're hunting down Lilith because Dean is too weak and Sam's the better hunter. Dean attacks him and the two of them battle. They go through the door out into the hallway and Dean grabs a fire ax. Nick urges Dean on Dean starts to swing… but Bobby arrives and stabs him in the shoulder. Nick tries to run but Bobby throws the knife into the sire's back, killing it and freeing the brothers from its spell.
The next morning, Sam and Dean thank Bobby, who notes he easily figured out Monroe was a fake after one call. He wonders if they're going to be okay and they say they will be. He points out that there's no shame in a siren getting to them. After Bobby leaves, Sam says he's not interested in Cara and there's no point. Sam apologizes for what he said and Dean says the same, and they both claim that they're good.
Aired Monday 8th June, 2009
You know that time of the night when you're laying in bed, waiting to drift off to sleep..? And you know how majority of the time those minutes, sometimes hours, are spent evaluating the events and conversations you had during the day..? Well that's what I did last night, and this is the slight conclusion I have come to.

Yesturday when asked if I could see how pretty the sky was, I looked out the window next to me to see a darkening, grey sky - nothing at all spectacular. However, I then remembered that in the evening it was from my backyard that you could see all the pretty colours in the sky as the sun sets.

So I decided to get up and go have a look at the sky from the back of my house. And sure enough, there it was; beautiful pink, orange and yellow breaking through the strong dark clouds. It looked amazing.

When I returned to the computer in my dungeon (it's not actually a dungeon, it was just very dark at the front of my house) I agreed about the look of the sky and told of what I just saw. I was then told, something along the lines of, it's sad how something to pretty doesn't last, how it just disappears to never be the same again.

This statement, according to the person who said it, was stupid. I, however, thought otherwise. I thought that it was quite valid and had much truth to it.

On the other hand, as I saw it, from where I was sitting, I could see nothing but darkness before me. Yet not so far away, sharing the very same sky, was such a beautiful artwork for all to see. And yes, that beauty may disappear and become one with the darkness; but from that darkness is the possibility of something so much more remarkable to appear the next day. And all it takes to witness and be apart of this beauty is something as simple as getting up and wanting more.

I initially thought that what I had said was very stupid and corny. But after thinking about it, I think it has much relevance to life in general. And, as crazy as it may sound, I think this little realisation is what has encouraged such a good mood in me today. Well, not good mood. More random than anything else! But good nevertheless.

Monday, June 8, 2009

*Cough**Cough*

Make of this what you will. I don't think there is any explanation that'll make this any less weird.
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Sunday 21 August, 2005

It's as if I have my very own DeLorean

Now I'm looking at old MySpace Blogs. Gosh, I'm finding all this rather fascinating. I figured, I look at this blog more frequently than I do any other one I have. So, if I'm to re-post some stuff from my other blogs, I'm more likely to re-read them! See the logic? =]

Thursday 22 March, 2007
You know what I was thinking...
I don't know if I am actually really good friends with anyone..
I don't have that one friend that I share everything with.
I don't have that friend that I go shopping with every weekend.
I don't have that friend that knows every secret about me.
No one that can tell when I'm upset even if I'm hiding it and no one else can tell.
That one that knows everything about anyone I've ever liked.
The one person I can act like a complete fuck around and they won't give a shit.
The one person that when I'm around them I don't need to hide my true self.
I feel that when I'm around others, I shut myself off, and I don't know why..
Maybe I try too hard to impress people?
Try not to piss people off, and by doing so they don't get to know me.
I'm known as the quiet one.
The smart, nerdy, quiet, timid girl.
But I'm not usually like that.
I'm loud, crazy, hyper, but only a few people have seen that side of me.
Maybe because there are so many dominating personalities?
Maybe I feel intimidated by others?
More than likely I'm just lacking self confidence.
I can act like myself when I'm by myself with someone else who is just like me.
I'm just not too big on the group stuff.
Especially when we are so opposite.
It sucks and I hate it.
And I don't know why : (
How crap.
I see girls everywhere, with their best friend.
They shop together, talk bout boys together, sleep over at each others house, spend every minute of their day together.
As you can probably tell, I spend my time on the computer doing nothing.
Maybe I'm just not good at talking face to face.
I blame technology.
And swimming.
I've had NO social life because of swimming.
They are probably my closest friends, yet they all have other people... other friends... best friends...
But the one person who is probably my best friend... well I'm probably not theirs.
Usually I get left out of things.
I don't really care if I don't spend every second of my life with someone.
Like, actually, I don't mind being by myself, just not all the time.
Everyone needs time for themself.
But the moments that I do spend with my friends, it would be nice to feel included, rather than being pushed to the side.
I don't want to be the center of attention, I HATE being in the spotlight, I don't want the attention to be on me.
But I would like to be noticed.
Like what I have to say actually means something.
Not all the time. I'm not asking for everyone to fuss over me.
Anywho, just a thought...

Saturday 1 September, 2007
Isolated, alone.
Restricted in an open space.
Darkness gradually falls.
No sign of life.
Trapped in an unlife-like reality.
Screams cannot be heard.
Actions cannot be seen.
A figure in the distance
Can just be made out.
Tormented, afraid.
Reach out.
Gripped tightly by a mocking laugh.
Sounds so close, yet so far.
Mistakes you've made,
Layed out before you.
Thrown at you,
Killing you.
Let out a scream, does it help?
Frightened, scared.
Lay still, unable to move.
Hurriedly sweeping across the distance,
A figure pounces on it's victim.
A piercing laughter escapes,
For the victim can do nothing now but shy away.
As every body parts seems to disintegrate.
Confront this nightmare,
But it's just too much.
Forever feeling isolated,
Alone.


Friday 14 September, 2007

Well, hello there.
You know what? I swear I think WAY too much about random, unnecessary stuff. Like who do you know that sits there thinking about death? Who do you know that thinks that life is pointless and unmeaningful?
Well, wanna know what I think? (Too bad if you don’t.. stop reading now if you don’t give a shit..) The meaning of life is simply to SCREW EVERYONE!
Our lives are worthless, they mean nothing to anyone! And even if someone cares about you, and you do happen to mean something to them.. it’s not going to matter.. Coz the few people that you do actually effect, well they’re just going to die,, and so are you.
We were all put on this earth for some apparent reason that is unknown to just about everyone, and if someone does actually know.. WELL THEN TELL ME, COZ I WANNA KNOW! =D
We go through life doing things that other people tell us to do.. and why? What’s the point in following orders and making sure you live up to higher expectations? What are you going to get out of it?
No matter how hard you try to make a difference, there is someone else out there trying just as hard to undo the good that you do. Everything has it’s way of balancing out, and there is just no point!
You go through life, and as a child you have so much to look forward to, a full and happy life. But where do you go from there? All you do is continue to get older. And your childhood of happy memories becomes just that,, a memory.
We try so hard to become the best we can be. But in 100years time, who’s going to remember? The people that where there with you, the people that actually meant something to you, and that you meant something too, they’re gonna be gone. And you’re just going to be another random person that was living.
So I say, SCREW EVERYONE! Screw them! You do what YOU want to do, when YOU want to do it! There is no point in living your life doing things that make you upset, coz you only get one chance, so don’t blow it!
Who cares if you don’t become rich and famous.. just make sure that you’re living your own life and no one else's. Live off the government for all I care!
If you are stuck in the middle of something that upsets you, then get out of it! You have a freaky obsession with someone (lol), then go for it! Eg: Use the governments money to fly to America to meet your lover and screw him! And who cares if you get a restraining order against you, coz it ain’t gonna matter in years to come! You may as well make the most of the time you have!
People should stop wasting their time trying to find cures.. try and figure out what our real purpose is, why we are really here! Coz that’s the real question we all want to know! Cures, yeah, okay,, they seem important,, but whether or not someone dies sooner than later,, it doesn’t really matter, coz we’re all gonna die at some stage anyway!
Does anyone know how we got here in the first place? We have been here for millions and millions of years, and we have had that long to figure it out.. And is anyone closer to knowing? Has anyone made any slight progression from the start of time? NOT THAT I KNOW OF!
You know, people say to ’stay fit, eat right’, but who cares! If you’re fat and unhealthy, you’re gonna die. If you’re skinny and fit, you’re gonna die! GET OVER IT!
No one has the real power to stop you from anything! And if someone feels that they are in fact higher than you,, that you tell them where to go! Coz no one, I mean NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT SOMEONE ELSE DOWN, AND IF THEY DO, THEN YOU BLOODY WELL STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, AND YOU MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE LIVING THE WAY YOU WANT TOO! =D
I’d like to concluding by saying that anyone who has actually continued to read up to here must really be bored! And I would like to point out that I feel I’m going through a mid-life crisis.. at the age of 15.. So don’t bother me! lol! But seriously, do you get me? This all started coz I don’t wanna get old! It’s horrible! My whole life, the whole 15 years that I’ve been here.. what have I accomplished?
Like I said, I think way too much about nothing.. so yeah, this is it from me.. for now! lol! =D

(Just a little insight into this post. I wrote this after a conversation with Hannah. We kinda went nuts, so if this seems completely whack-out, that's why. lol, Hannah can have that effect on people!)

Saturday 3 May, 2008
Howdy!
It's been some time since I've posted anything that anyone can read. Not that people are particularly interested. Like all those messages I get telling me to update this thing... It's overwhelming to say the least!
So, I'm like completely over school, everything to do with school. Which tends to make me over people too. But that's nothing new. I am tired and I can't be bothered anymore.
It's kinda confusing. I'm not "lonely", but I'm missing something, someone. Yet, whenever I'm around people.., I don't wanna be there with them. I'd rather spend time alone with myself. I don't know how to explain it. I think it's more like when.. you feel like you're not really needed or wanted I guess. Like, everyone could go on doing what they're doing without you, and it wouldn't bother anyone.
Not to mention tying to keep up with myself. Now there's a struggle. I've been so pissed off at myself lately too. And I don't know why. I've got nothing to look forward too, to live for. And it's stupid. Everything is so boring!
That's the thing. I'm so tired of living through the same routine, day in, day out. I want something exciting to happen! I wanna do something exciting! A purpose!
I suppose, I can't wait for Supernatural to come back on.! That's rather exciting!.. to me.
But that's not a hell of alot is it? Plus it's kinda weird. The most exciting thing to happen in my life, and it doesn't even involve me.. And it's quite obsessive too. Which is something that I should try and stop. I think that annoys people. But I can't help it... Well, I shall try!
And another thing. Without seeming all "dark". I was thinking the other day, as I do most nights actually, while laying in bed, waiting to fall asleep.. Once I die, will anyone remember me? What can I leave behind? But I dunno what I can leave behind.. Do you think my myspace page will get deleted? Cause that could be something!
But I found this quote, and it fits me to a tee! "When I'm laying in my bed I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals to me" which is so true. I don't want to die. The thought of growing old and dying scares the crap outta me. But on the other hand, life is stupid and completely pointless!
I get up, I go to school. That's it. While at home I'm on the computer. I listen to music. That's it. What kind of a life is that? Although, that's one thing that keeps me happy. Music. I love my music! I love Jade! Isn't Jade just beautiful! I think he is!
Anyway, that's enough complaining for now. It seems that that's all I ever do. How annoying for anyone who bothered to read down to this point, huh!?

Okay, anyone else find that as boring as I think you all did? lol. I don't think it's boring, I just think I'm seriously weird! These posts are evidence of what I'm always telling people; I have been, for forever will continue to be extremely weird!

Flashback

Okay, I just found this on my Windows Live profile thing from 2006.
I thought it was interesting.
And this is the exact reason why i write things. So that when I go back to them, even if they make no sense whatsoever to anyone else, I still remember.

Saturday 7 October , 2006
Slowly dying,
Grasping onto what I have left.
The desire to go on,
Trying your best,
Does nothing to ease the pain.
Dying efforts do nothing to make you better,
As everyone is sure to beat you.
Emotions running wild cause you to breakdown.
Hide your face, turn away,
Ashamed that you might be the only one.
They look at you as if you're faking,
But you don't care,
You know that you're trying the hardest.
Deep down, on the inside, you beat everyone,
But externally, there's just no way.
Towards the end, all you have is pride.
To know that you truly did all you could.
Nothing else matters, as you come to an end.
All goes quiet and calm,
And everything stops.
Except for your heartbeat,
Pounding harder and harder.
No more worries for now,
But tomorrow's another day...


Tuesday 19 December, 2006
Grrrr... I hate everything to do with swimming right now.
It TOTALLY sucks.
Last Friday, at 5.15AM, that's right 5.15, while the rest of the sane world was sleeping, my coach has a go at everyone. Me mainly becuase "I let the team down" "I always have to have someone else lead sets because I'm too lazy" Like I really give a shit.

Then he has a go at this other kid Cameron because Cam dropped the 5KG medicine ball. He said "You, Jyssica Keen and Dylan Warren will never get anywhere with the effort you put in" (Dylan is this other kid I swim with who wouldn't hurt a fly)
Like he knows how hard I try... I'll admit it, the last 2 months of training have been crap. I've been lacking all motivation and just don't wanna be there, but the last 2 weeks have been really good for me. I've been going 8 sessions, which is more than I usually go concidering the minimum amount of sessions we're meant to go to is 8.
But no, my effort doesn't mean anything to him.No matter what I do, it will never be any good.
I will never live up to his expectations.
He seems to notice all my mistakes but never takes any recognition of my achievments. Coz that is so fair isn't it?
I don't wanna quit swimming but I don't wanna do it anymore.
I don't see any point anymore.
I probably won't get anywhere with it, but I wanna see how far I can go.
But the pressure and expectations... I don't know if I can handle it all.
Monday, 8 June 2009
You know, it was exactly two years ago today that I quit swimming. Isn't that an interesting little fact.

It's raining crazy hard outside. I like being inside when it rains. Being outside is all cold. I don't like being cold. But while you're inside it's nice to watch the rain. I find it to be quite amusing. It's fascinating how it'll go from a downpour to just a drizzle in no time at all. Then before you know it it's gone back to a million little raindrops crashing down rapidly onto my roof. It's so unpredictable. I like when the crazy downpour turns into hail. It sounds so pretty on a tin roof.

In six days I'll be seventeen. I consider that to be extremely bizarre. It makes me feel old! I know right, how can seventeen be old? Well, it just is! When my cousin was seventeen, I used to think she was so old! Do you know how close that it to eighteen!?! I don't like that sound of that! Oh, would you look at that, it's stopped raining...

And just like that the million little raindrops are back. See, fascinating!

Today is the last day of my five day weekend. How much does that suck! I would prefer to not go back to school :) I think that sounds good! I'm hoping we don't do much for the rest of the term. We don't have many weeks left. Hopefully they past very quickly. Then the term holidays can go for as long as they please.

Well, not quite sure if there was a purpose for this post. But that doesn't matter! Supernatural's on tonight! Don't forget! :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Supernatural: After School Special

Season Four-Episode Thirteen
Guest Starring Colin Ford as little Sammy!
Fairfax, Indiana
At Truman High School, the cheerleaders and jocks are gossiping about Taylor, and when she arrives tell her she can't sit with them. They accuse her of being a slut and she sits next to another girl, April. April tells Taylor to ignore them and she feels sorry, but Taylor calls her a fat ugly pig. April runs off in tears. The next day in the women's restroom, April grabs Taylor and slams her into the mirror, then drowns her in the toilet. April's eyes starts to ooze black liquid as she looks down at her victim.
Sam impersonates an orderly and visits April at a mental institute. She claims she was possessed and couldn't stop what she was doing. He asks if she noticed any black smoke but she says she didn't notice any such thing. Outside, Sam meets with Dean and suggests that April was possessed. Dean is less than thrilled to go back to Truman High, where they attended once during their childhood.
1997
Dean drops Sam off at high school and Sam complains it's the third school they've been in. Dean tries to assure his brother without success. Then the teachers introduce the brothers to their respectives. As Sam sits at his desk, a butterfly knife drops out and a couple of the students notice. Dean doesn't have any books and the teacher is less than thrilled, but an attractive blonde student, Amanda, notices. One boy, Barry Cook, introduces himself to Sam, who tells a bully to leave Barry alone. The bully, Dirk, threatens to take on Sam but then backs down when Sam offers to take him on.
The Present
Sam takes a job as a janitor while Dean works as gym teacher and shows the kids how to play dodgeball. Sam contacts him and admits he hasn't found any sulphur.
In Home Ec a jock hits up another student for his homework. The student grabs his hand and shoves it into a cuisinart. As Sam comes in, the possessed boy collapses and starts leaking black liquid from the ear, with no memory of what happened. Sam figures a ghost is responsible and Dean checks the records. Only one student died, slitting his wrist in the girl's bathroom. The dead student is Barry Cook, and they think he's going after bullies. Sam admits that Barry had a hard time.
1997
Sam comes to Barry's help when another bully shoves him to the ground. Meanwhile, Dean is making out with Amanda in a closet and asks her out for a midnight movie. She says she has a curfew and Dean boasts he doesn't have one. He admits he'll only be in town for a couple of weeks, and she wonders if he misses his dad.
In the hallway, the bully, Dirk, catches up to Sam and knocks him to the ground. The teacher warns him away before Sam can do anything.
The Present
The brothers go to the cemetery to salt and burn Barry's bones. Sam is less than happy and wonders if he could have helped if they'd stayed longer. Dean assures him it wasn't his fault and that he's glad they're leaving: he hated the school. Sam says that it wasn't all bad.
1997
Dean plans to get revenge on Dirk but Sam tells him he doesn't need his help. Sam explains he doesn't want to be a freak so he took a beating. Dean says that their dad is going to be another week. Dean notes that Amanda wants him to meet her parents, and he doesn't do parents.
After Sam's teacher Mr. Wyatt talks to him. He's surprised about Sam submitting a non-fiction project about his family killing a werewolf. Mr. Wyatt gives him an A and asks about his family. He wonders if Sam wants to go into the family business and Sam notes no one has ever asked him that. Sam says he doesn't and Mr. Wyatt says he lived his own life and Sam should too.
The Present
The brothers go back to the high school so Sam can talk to Mr. Wyatt, who is still working there. A student asks him for directions and she smiles and calls him by name, then stabs him with a geometry compass. She kicks him in the groin and advances on him as black ooze drips from her mouth. He forces her to swallow salt and the ghost is expelled from her body. The brothers recoup out of town and figure they missed something. Dean reviews the student files and realizes that all the students rode the same bus. Sam wonders if the ghost can ride people miles from its haunt. They examine the bus but don't find any electromagnetic readings and there's no record anyone died on it. Dean checks the glove compartment and finds a new driving permit issued two weeks ago, to a Dirk MacGregor Sr. Sam remembers his son, Dirk.
1997
Dirk attacks Barry as he comes out of the school and Sam comes to his defense. Dirk shoves Sam to the ground and taunts him, and Sam gets up and easily takes him down. He calls the bully "Dirk the Jerk" and the students all taunt him as Dirk walks away.
The Present
Dean and Sam talk to Dirk Sr., who reveals Dirk Jr. died at age 18. He blames himself and admits Dirk had trouble in school. He says the kids picked on Dirk, calling him poor and stupid and "Dirk the Jerk." Dirk Sr. says his wife Jane died of cancer when Dirk was 13, and Dirk Jr. spent all of his time tending to her before her death. Sam apologizes and Dean asks where he's buried. Dirk Sr. reveals that his son was cremated, except for a lock of his hair. He reveals it's on his bus in his Bible.
The school's team is driving to an event on the bus, unaware that the substitute driver, Eddie, has been possessed. Eddie starts accelerating and drives over a tire barrier. The bus goes off the road and Eddie walks out. Sam arrives with a shotgun and calls out to Dirk. Dean come up behind Eddie and ties him with a rope soaked in salt water. Dean can't find the Bible and "Eddie" says they'll never find it. He condemns them for being the bullies and says they're going to get what's coming to them. In response, Sam says Dirk wasn't evil and admits they took it out on each other. Sam regrets Dirk never seeing it but Dirk is unimpressed. He breaks the ropes and Dean shoots him with rock salt. The ghost leaps into one of the athletes and attacks Sam. Dean shoots him but Sam tells him to find the hair. Unable to find it, Dean searches Eddie's body and finds the hair. He burns it and Dirk bursts free of the athlete and disappears.
1997
Amanda discovers Dean kissing another girl in the closet. She admits she was wrong about Dean and figures it's just an act and he's a sad lonely kid. Dean angrily denies it, insisting he's a hero, but no one believes him.
The students congratulate Sam for dealing with Dirk. Their father calls and Dean tells Sam that they're ready to leave. John pulls up in the Impala and Sam reluctantly gets in. He looks back and waves to Barry in the window.
The Present
Sam visits Mr. Wyatt, who remembers the "horror story" he wrote. Sam thanks him for his advice and taking an interest in him, even though he eventually had to assume adult responsibilities. Mr. Wyatt asks if he's happy and Sam considers the question.
Aired Monday 1st June, 2009

Supernatural: Criss Angel Is A Douchebag

Season Four-Episode Twelve
It's Magic Week in Sioux City, Iowa, and The Incredible Jay, an older magician. is fumbling through a magic trick at a bar. Another magician, Patrick Vance, drunkenly mocks him from down the bar. Jay wanders over and ruins the trick. Later on stage, Jay reviews a young upcoming performer, Jeb Dexter with Charlie and Vernon, who aren't thrilled with the younger crowd. Jay admits that he's a joke and they're all three old dying magicians. He declares he's going to do the Table of Death illusion over the other two men's objections. It's dangerous, but Jay doesn't care.
Later, Jay performs the Table of Death, which involves him strapped to a table as a bed of spikes are lowered on him from above. Charlie warns that the bindings are tight and wonders if Jay can slip them. He draws the curtain and looks nervously at Vernon, then lights the rope. Outside, Vance staggers outside. Inside, Jay tries to get free while outside, Jay wanders down the street. The spikes fall on Jay.. and Vance collapses, dead from multiple puncture wounds. On stage, a surprised Jay emerges to applause and amazed looks from his friends.
Sam and Dean arrive in town and watch Jeb Dexter performing on the street, doing a card trick while faking demonic possession. Dean finds the idea of fake magic offensive, while Sam remembers when he did magic when he was 13. They talk to Vance's female assistant, who says that Vance stole material from other magicians. She did find one unusual thing in Vance's belongings: a Tarot card, the Ten of Swords, showing a man impaled. Vance hated card tricks and the woman doesn't know who it belonged to.
Jay is in his room when Charlie visits him and asks how he did it. Jay demonstrates his newfound talent and says he wants to do the Executioner, another death-defying illusion. Charlie warns that he's pushing his luck but Jay says it wasn't luck. Charlie says he'll do anything for him but he won't watch Jay die. Jay says that he'll be there, same as always for his friend, and Charlie gives in.
As Jeb Dexter interviews Jay, Dean talks to Vernon and Charlie and shows him the Tarot card. Vernon used to use Tarot cards in his act but says he hasn't touched a deck in years. The two magician direct him to a dealer, Chief, who Vance crossed a year or so ago. Dean goes to see the man and discovers the Chief is a sexual dominator.
Sam is doing research at his hotel room when Ruby comes by. She wants to know why he's wasting time when 34 of the Seals have been broken and the angels are losing. Ruby wants him to go after Lilith and says he's the only one who can stop her. She tells him to deal with Lilith but he's got a problem with what's involved. She tells him to admit that he likes using his powers but he refuses. She tells him to let her know when he's ready and leaves.
Later, Dean finds Sam at the performance. Vernon wants to know if Charlie tried to talk Jay out of performing the illusion, but Charlie says that there was something in Jay's eyes. Dean confronts the two magicians but he knows they're fakes. They claim they're aspiring magicians and Charlie tells them to stick around and watch. Jay presents the Executioner, where he is put in a straitjacket and has one minute to escape a hangman's noose. As Jay tries to escape, a noose in Jeb dressing room come to life. As Jay's time runs out, the noose drops around Jeb's neck and strangles him.
Sam is sure that Jay's escape was impossible. He checks Jay's background and discovers he was famous in the 70s but got old. They figure he's using magic to make a comeback. When Dean hopes he'll die before he gets old, Sam wonders if they'll still be chasing demons when they're 60, but Dean figure with their life they'll be dead long before then. Sam wonders if there's a way they could win once and for all, and Dean wonders if there's something going on. Sam denies it and Dean figures there's no end to the demons.
Back at the theater, Sam and Dean discover that Jeb is dead and Dean has found a Tarot card representing The Hanged Man. Jeb was a douchebag to Jay and Vance heckled him at the bar. They figure Jay slipped the cards onto his victims. Sam admits that Jay managed to slip him. They go to his hotel room and burst in, telling him about the Tarot cards. He denies knowing anything about real magic or that Jeb is dead. When he doesn't throw spells at them, they tie up Jay and try to figure out who is responsible. They prepare to ask him but discover he's escaped his ropes. They go out to look and once they're gone, he slips out of the closet and calls the police. The cops arrest Dean and Sam in the lobby.
Later, Jay talks to Charlie and explains what the Winchesters said. He wonders if they might be right, noting it was impossible for him to do all the things he's done. Charlie says the idea of real magic is nuts, but Jay considers backing out. Charlie tells his that for the first time in years he has a full house. Jay admits that he was planning to die during the Table of Death, and has no idea how he escaped. Charlie says it doesn't matter and he's happy to see Jay at the top of his act again.
That night, Jay performs the Table of Death again and succeeds. There's a scream and backstage Charlie is dead, punctured repeatedly through the chest.
Sam and Dean get out of jail after Jay drops the charges. He explains that Charlie bailed him out of trouble repeatedly when he was younger, and he wants to find who is responsible. Sam explains that the killer must be close to him and note that Vernon is the only remaining suspect. Jay doesn't believe it but Dean warns that using magic is addictive.
Vernon is in his hotel room when Jay calls and asks him to come to the theater. Once Vernon is gone, Sam and Dean break into Vernon's room and search for the Tarot cards. Meanwhile, Vernon arrives and tells Jay that he's the new headliner. Jay says he can't do it but Vernon insists that it's their shot at fame. Jay accuses Vernon of killing Charlie but Vernon denies it. He's interrupted when a man steps out from behind the curtain: a young Charlie.
In Vernon's room, Dean finds an antique poster of a younger Charlie as The Great Dessertini.
The young Charlie explains that he's been around since Barnum's time, and received a book of magic with a spell for immortality. He insists that Jay wanted fame, and is still his friend and always will be. He offers both of them youth and doesn't want to start over again by himself. Dean and Sam arrive but Charlie conjures a hangman's rope to strangle Dean. When Sam fires his gun, Charlie catches the bullet in his teeth then disappears off-stage. Sam tells him to give it up and Charlie fakes surrender, then shoves Sam onto the Table of Death and fastens him down. The rope holding the spikes starts to part. However, Charlie suddenly collapses, bleeding from the stomach. Jay has pickpocket his Tarot cards and left him the Magician, then stabbed himself. Charlie wonders how Jay could choose strangers over him, then falls over dead. Sam and Dean are freed just in time.
Later, Sam and Dean join Jay at the bar to thank him. The magician has lost his supernatural skill and wonders how they can thank him for killing his best friend. Vernon has left, refusing to speak to Jay again. Dean tries to reassure him he did the right thing, but Jay points out he has to spend the rest of his life old and alone and there's nothing right about that. Dean suggests they have a beer but Sam goes for a walk. Outside, Ruby is waiting for him in her car. Sam says she's in. She asks what changed his mind, and he says he doesn't want to be hunting monsters when he's an old man.
Aired Monday 25th May, 2009

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Totally down with technology!

Yep. Well, I've had one for a little while now. But for anyone who might be in the slightest bit interested, here's my twitter page!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Supernatural: Family Remains

Season Four-Episode Eleven
At a farmhouse, Bill Gibson is watching TV when the lights go out. He goes to the fuse box but discovers that the door won't open. A door opens behind him and a pale woman comes in. The man recognizes her but says it's impossible for her to be there. He lunges at her and his blood flies everywhere.
Sam wakes up to discover Dean has pulled over and is eagerly looking for another case to take on. Sam figures that his brother is trying to keep occupied to avoid thinking about his time as a torturer in Hell. Dean ignores him and finds a report of a man killed in a locked room, in Stratton, Nebraska. They figure it's a ghost and head for the farmhouse. They go into the house, unaware that it's already been sold. Inside they find a sealed-over dumbwaiter and a decapitated doll's head, and high EMP readings. However, Dean is skeptical there's anything to be found.
The new family, the Carters, arrive with their furniture and the Winchesters realize the house has been sold. The daughter, Kate, isn't happy at the luck of reception and appeals to her uncle, Ted. The father, Brian, is less than thrilled when Ted agrees with Kate and his wife Susan tells him to take it easy. Kate notices Dean and Sam coming out of the house. The brothers claim to be county code enforcers there to inspect the problem. They say there's asbestos in the house, making it inhabitable. The brothers direct the family to a nearby hotel and Brian agrees to one night.
The brothers talk to the local housekeeper, Mrs. Curry, who confirms that Bill Gibson was brutally killed. She notes that Gibson kept to himself after his wife died in childbirth and his daughter hung himself. She gives them photos of the family but doesn't know why the daughter hung herself. Mrs. Curry does remember that she heard rustling in the walls but never saw any rats. She also confirms that the dead women were cremated.
The Carters go back to the house and Ted confirms there isn't any asbestos. Kate thinks she sees something in an upstairs window but dismisses it as imagination, and Susan tries to reassure her it'll be great there. Kate is skeptical.
That night, the son Danny is playing video games in his room when the closet door opens on its own and a baseball rolls out. He introduces himself and rolls the ball back in, and someone tosses it out.
Downstairs, Brian is in the kitchen and smells something dead in the closet. Susan wonders what they're doing there and Brian assures her they'll be happy there. Susan says she can't put the kids through another year like the one they just had.
Outside, the Winchester pull up and realize the family has moved back in. Meanwhile, Ted finds a message written in the wall in crayon, saying "Go." Brian thinks Danny is responsible and calls him down. Danny denies writing the message but his parents don't believe him. He claims the girl in the walls did it and wants them to go but Danny to stay. He warns that the girl will get mad if the grownups don't go. Danny says Andy would have believed them and Brian sends him up to his room.
Kate is trying to sleep that night and complains to the dog, Buster. It starts licking her hand from the floor but then the closet door opens and Buster comes out. Kate screams as she realizes something else was there and sees it duck into the closet. The family comes to investigate and Danny says it's the girl in the wall. Dean and Sam knock and come in, and Brian wonders if they're responsible. Dean warns them to get out but the lights go out and they hear Buster whimpering outside. They run outside with Brian and Ted and find a trail of blood leading to the car, and the words "Too late" written in blood on the side. The Winchesters try to convince them to leave and Brian agrees to go. However, they discover that something has flattened all the tires and stolen all their ghost-hunting equipment. Kate sees a girl in the woods but it disappears before anyone else can see it.
Dean and Sam get everyone inside and lay down a salt line. Brian is skeptical and prepares to leave but Sam convinces them to stay. He shows Kate the photos and she and Danny recognize the dead daughter Rebecca. Sam tells the Carters what they know and Ted wants to go out, but Dean threatens him into staying put. Sam goes up to the attic where Rebecca hung herself, but the others soon hear noises and the ghost of Rebecca enters the room. She approaches the salt line and then steps over it while drawing a knife. Dean gets the family out and tries to drive off what he now realizes is a human with a poker, and Sam arrives and drives it off with the beam of his flashlight.
The brothers go outside and assemble the family, while Sam reveals he found Rebecca's diary in the attic. They can't find Danny and Dean tells them to take refuge in the boarded-up shed. Brian tells Kate and Susan to go there while the Winchesters, Brian, and Ted, split up to search. Dean and Ted search inside and Dean finds a hidden panel in the wall. There's a passageway between the walls and the two men go inside. They find a tunnel leading down and Dean reluctantly goes down. He finds the dead dogs that the girl has been feeding on and a drawing of two stick figures. Above, Ted hears a noise, turns, and the girl stabs him through the head.
Outside, Sam and Brian find no sign of Danny and go back to the shed. Dean arrives and tells them that Ted is dead. Dean goes back outside while Sam reads Rebecca's diary. Brian tries to comfort Susan, who asks why bad things keep happening to them. Brian tells her that the same thing won't happen to Danny that happened to Andy. Brian goes outside and Dean asks him about Danny. Andy died in a car accident a year ago and Brian admits it's put a strain on his marriage. They moved there for a fresh start. Dean vows he'll get Danny back and Brian wonders why he cared. Sam interrupts and gets Dean inside. He explains that the girl is Rebecca's daughter, and Bill Gibson's daughter as well. Gibson locked the girl up until she finally escaped and killed her father. Dean figures out where the girl is keeping Danny.
Danny wakes up in a basement area, bound and gagged. The girl approaches him and offers him a rat. She breaks its neck and starts eating it as Danny screams.
The brothers break through the wall over the dumbwaiter and Dean insists on going down to rescue Danny. As he goes down, Sam starts putting together a rope out of curtains. Meanwhile, the girl breaks into the shed.
In the basement, Dean finds their guns and locates Danny. He says "he" is coming back, and explains it's the girl's brother. The brother attacks Dean while Sam lowers the rope to Danny and pulls him up. Outside, the girl stabs through the walls of the shed as she tries to get at them.
Brian gets Danny out of the house while Dean tries to fend off the brother. Dean blinds him with the flashlight long enough to grab his gun and shoot the boy.
The girl busts in and attacks Susan… and is yanked backwards. Susan and Kate listen as they hear screaming noises outside. Brian comes in, holding a bloody knife. Dean and Sam come out and find the girl's corpse.
The next day, the Carters are packing while Sam and Dean load their equipment back into the Impala. Brian is giving them time to leave before he calls in the police, and thanks them for their help. Susan admits they're not okay but at least they're together. Down the road, the Winchesters pull over and Dean admits that he can sympathize with the Gibson children. Sam points out that they were barely human and Dean wasn't like them. Dean agrees, saying he was worse. He notes they were animals defending their territory, but he liked torturing souls in Hell. No matter how many people he saves now, he can't change what he did.
Aired Monday 18th May, 2009

It's amazing how quick things can change. . .

To begin this particular blog off on a cheery note, last night's Jared-fest was awesome! lol Emma and I hired House Of Wax, Cry_Wolf, New York Minute, A Cinderella Story and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. Okay, so Jared-and-Chad-fest. We also watched season one episodes of Gilmore Girl's. So that was awesome. Mountain Dew, Kit-Kat's, Killer Pythons, Cookies and Cream icecream! It was epic, what more can you ask for?! I know what, Rooster Roll from Red Rooster lol. Finally got one!!

So yeah, did that last night. Then went to Emily's new house this afternoon. It's awesome. High roof and brick walls inside! So that was also good.

And then I come home and see a letter on the bench for me. It made me cry. I use this blog as an outlet. I'm pretty much too lazy to hand write anything cause my hand hurts afterwards! So, instead, I write everything in here. I don't write everything, but I write enough to paint a picture. Also, I wasn't aware that anyone actually read this. I just figured that no one would be bothered to read anything that I've written, or that no one knew I even had this. However, apparently people do know about my blog. And apparently people do read it. So there you go!

Anyway, this letter. I really didn't expect it. I especially didn't expect the content of it either. And I think after all these years of keeping to myself and not letting anyone in, it's weird to suddenly have people worried about me. I don't want people to worry, that wasn't my intention. Nevertheless, I think that for me, because someone who I idolize and think is totally awesome, for them to suddenly send me this letter, it made me sad. In a good way.

I don't know. I just thought I'd mention that. For future reference.

And in other news,, school. Gosh. I don't really think they are any words that can accurately describe the amount of petty, childish behaviour that's been going on. Well, I don't know. It's just stupid. It's like, no matter what we do it's never good enough for others. I know that Emma, Emily and I have become close since the beginning of the year. Actually, it's pretty much been since the end of last year. But still, according to everyone else we "know too much about each other". As a result everyone else is "getting left out". Now, I don't know why 3 people being friends with each other would be a problem, but apparently it is. Not only that, but it seems as if all of this is just an excuse to get angry and cause confrontation between everyone. I can't stand conflict and I do anything to get out of it, but I'm just not in the mood as of late to be caring about things that I don't have to be caring about. It's ridiculous. I just don't want all this added awkwardness and that feeling of walking on egg shells and constantly being self-conscious of whether or not my actions are satisfactory enough. Gah! Stupid!

Anyways, there's my slight update.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Nothing But The Ramblings Of A Mad Teenage Girl...

First of all - bought 21st Century Breakdown today. Yep, and it's awesome.
blink-182 are touring again.! Hell yeah! From July-October, it's in the states. But, according to their manager, 2010 they'll go international... Big Day Out... Just so long as they come to Australia and I get to see them, then I'm happy.
Mum finally gave me a book to read yesturday. (I got 3 Supernatural books off Amazon the other day. Supernatural: Bone Key, John Winchester's Journal, and The Offical Companion Season 3). She says that she's not giving them to me because 'I've done nothing to deserve them'. Well, personally I think that's bullshit! But, she gave me Bone Key yesturday, and I read it. It was good!
Oh, yeah. I also sent in a letter/email to TV Week about Supernatural, and it totally got published! LOL. I'll put that futher down for all to see.
The Living End had their concert on Friday. And I didn't get to go. Which sucks! But, I think blink-182 is the top of my priority list at the moment.
So I think that's what's been going on in terms of my multitude of obsessions. . .

Onto other things, last night was really weird. I had some weird crazy breakdown. You know how you get frustrated and overcome with a horrible feeling sometimes. And no matter what you do that feeling gets worse and worse?.. Well, last night I had that feeling. I was gonna text someone, but thought against that. Don't think that's the appropriate thing to do at 1am. Anywayz, it was crazy. In all honesty, I don't think I'm doing all that well. I don't wanna go and seek out help or attention. That means admitting there's something seriously wrong. And for now, I don't think anything is all that serious. But I'm lost for what to do. I really want this constant feeling inside of me to go away. I just want to be able to appreciate things and take things as they come. I wanna be hopeful and have a positive outlook on things. But all the hope and desire in the world doesn't seem to be enough right now. And right now I feel like a douche. Who writes these kind of things? Attention seekers. Gah, I don't want to be an attention seeker. Just ignore me.

Okay, I've decided if you are infact reading this, then I owe you an apology. Please, feel free to stop, I'm about to continue on a little rant.

Last night I was browsing peoples myspaces, and I came across Kirra's. Then from hers I found Jay's. And I pretty much just went and looked at all the swimming peoples myspaces. And I've realised, I really miss them. Like, really miss seeing those guys. I was looking through photos, and gosh, the overwhelming sense of nostalgia I got! I am offically -well it's been offical for a while- but I am no longer part of any sort of group with those guys. I don't see them, I don't talk to them, I don't have anything to do with them. And I don't like it. Some of those guys were my closest friends! And now, what we had, it's gone. And that really sucks! And that pretty much just got me thinking (which I know, can never be a good thing), that everyone else seems to be going somewhere. They have goals and aspirations, and I have nothing. The world around me is fast evolving, moving forward. And I'm stuck!

Well, that's enough from me. Such a riveting read, wasn't it?!
Oh, here's my letter lol

Photobucket

Supernatural: Heaven And Hell

Season Four-Episode Ten
Uriel tells the Winchesters to get out of the way so he can kill Anna. Castiel admits that they're heartless, and says that Anna is worse than a demon. Uriel repeats his demand and when they refuse, the angel smashes Ruby into the wall. Dean tries to attack him but Uriel isn't impressed. Castiel renders Sam unconscious with a touch. He goes to the door to get Anna but suddenly lightning flashes and he and Uriel are sucked outward and upward. They go into the next room and find Anna covered in her blood, which she's used to write a symbol on a nearby mirror. She explains she doesn't know how she sent them away and the symbol just appeared in her mind.
The guys figure they want Anna for some reason other than her ability to hear their conversations. They take Anna to Bobby's ghost-proof panic room and Ruby creates hex bags that will hide them from demons and angels alike. Dean thanks her for her help and leaves her to watch Anna. Sam has discovered that although Anna's parents were seemingly normal, Anna had episodes when she was two and a half where she became hysterical when her father approached her. She claimed that he wasn't her real father and her real father was angry at her. They wonder what she's hiding but Anna arrives and wants them to talk to her. She doesn't know what the angels meant and they believe her.
They go to bring Pamela Barnes, now blind after gazing briefly on Castiel in his true form. She knows who Anna is and is ready to help so she can dick over an angel out of revenge. Pamela hypnotizes Anna and asks how she can hear the angels. Anna claims ignorance and says that Rich Milton is her father. Pamela takes her further back and Anna says she doesn't want to. When Pamela pursues the matter, Anna screams and the panic room door closes on its own. When Dean tries to calm down Anna, she slams him away. Pamela manages to bring her out of hypnosis and Anna says that she remembers now. She says that she's an angel.
Anna explains that she's not like the other angels and she was the one in charge of Uriel and Castiel. She explains that she disobeyed and Fell, becoming human. She ripped out her grace, her energy. Amy Milton couldn't get pregnant until Anna entered her. The longer she was human, the more she forgot her divine origin. Now Heaven wants her dead and Hell wants her for torture. Now she plans to get her grace back but doesn't know where it is: she lost track of it when she Fell. Realizing she means she literally fell, Sam tracks down a meteor that vanished over Ohio nine months before Anna was "born" as a human. Another meteor fell over Kentucky and they figure it's her grace. Ruby is skeptical and apologizes for bringing him into the mess. She warns they don't want to get caught between the two armies. She admits that she's afraid of Alastair, a grand inquisitor of Hell. She warns that Sam is getting out of practice with his abilities and he knows what he has to do. Sam refuses and Ruby warns that his decision may kill them all.
Anna is outside when Dean returns from taking Pamela home. Anna says they should get out while they can but Dean assures her they're not that smart. He asks her what they want him for and she explains they're not talking about it now and it happened before she Fall. He asks her why she wanted to become a human and she explains that humans have emotions and feelings and she wanted to obtain them… and refuses to go back to how she was. Dean can't understand why she'd want to give up perfection but she says that angels have no choice but to obey, and only four of them have ever seen God's face. The angels take God's existence on faith, and they're killed if they don't have it. All she did during her existence was watching, not interfering and never receiving orders from a Father. Dean can sympathize.
Sam finds reports of a local miracle in Union, Kentucky, where a full-grown oak appeared over six months in a field. Anna figure it's her grace and they head for Kentucky to investigate and get to the field. Anna realizes it's her grace and she approaches the oak. When she touches it she realizes it's no longer there: someone took it.
They take refuge and try to come up with a plan. However, Anna hears the angels again, giving a message that Dean either return her or he'll be sent back to Hell. She doesn't know of any weapon that will kill an angel. As they try to do research to find anything, Anna approaches Dean and thanks him for helping her. She admits she knew the price for disobeying and tells him something: she heard the angels talking a week ago about him and she knows what he did in Hell. Anna says he needs to forgive himself and he refuses to talk about it. She understands and says he has people who will help when he does. She then kisses him and they make love in the back of the Impala.
Sam has dozed off and Ruby watches him. She then goes outside and burns her hex bag. Alastair appears behind her and shows her the demon-killing knife. She says she's there to talk and offers him the angel in return for being able to walk away with the Winchesters. He considers her offer but has his minions grab her. He makes her a counteroffer as he strokes her cheek with the knife.
Dean returns to the barn to find Uriel waiting for him. He quickly realizes it's a dream and wonders where Castiel is. Uriel tells him their time is up and Dean tries to bluff, saying Anna has her grace. Uriel reveals he has her grace and the angels can't let the demons get her, or end her punishment. Dean refuses, figuring he's bluffing about throwing him back to Hell. Uriel warns him he can be replaced and Dean tells him to do it. Uriel says that Dean can break if the right pressure is applied.
Alastair is slowly torturing Ruby with the knife and eager to relish the moment. He removes her gag and asks where the angel is. She still refuses, saying he'll kill her if she does. She offers to show him and he relents.
At the barn the next morning, Sam wonders where Ruby is as Dean starts drinking. Anna wonders if he's okay, but they're interrupted when Castiel and Uriel enter. Castiel greets Anna and Sam wonders how they found them… then realizes that Dean betrayed them. Dean apologizes to Anna and she realizes the angels forced Dean to choose between her and Sam. She kisses Dean and thanks him for doing what he could, and then forgives him. She tells the angels she's ready and Castiel apologizes, but she notes he isn't sorry. He admits they have a history but she tells him to get it over with.
They're interrupted when Alastair and his demons arrive, carrying an injured Ruby. Alastair demands the girl and is unimpressed by the angels' threats. He notes that Dean had "promise." The fight begins but Alastair is immune to Castiel's ability to drive him out. Uriel disposes of the minions while Alastair chants in Latin… and Dean smashes him over the head. Alastair is distracted and gestures, sending Dean and Sam to their knees. Anna grabs her grace from Uriel and shatters it on the floor, reabsorbing it into herself. She tells everyone to shut their eyes and white light blasts forth from her. Alastair is shattered as she disappears.
Dean picks up the demon-killing knife and tells the angels to find Anna. Uriel says it isn't over but Castiel holds him back. The angels disappear and Ruby comes over as Dean wonders what took them so long. It was Sam's plan for her to get the angels and demons together and let them fight it out. Sam figures Anna must be happy but Dean doubts it.
Later, the guys are having a beer on the road and appreciating their good luck. Sam admits he's curious what Alastair said about Dean having promise but leaves it to Dean to bring up. Dean explains that from his perspective, he was in Hell for 40 years. He talks about how there was eventually nothing left of him… and they would restore him. Again and again. Each day, Alastair offered to end his torture if Dean took up the knife to torture other souls. For 30 years Dean told him no… and then gave in. Sam tries to reassure him but a crying Dean insists he couldn't feel anything.
Aired Monday 11th May, 2009

Supernatural: I Know What You Did Last Summer

Season Four-Episode Nine
At a hospital, a woman, Anna Milton, is staring off into space. The doctor asks if she knows where she is and if she remembers what she did. Anna says she was trying to warn everyone but realizes it was stupid. The doctor pursues the matter and Anna insists it's all true: the Apocalypse is coming. Anna explains that Lilith is trying to free Lucifer but then seems to hear something. Anna explains there are 600 seals but Lilith only has to break 66, so the angels are losing and they're all going to die.
Later, an orderly brings Anna her meds but she wonders what happened to his face. His eyes turn black and the orderly comes in. Anna concentrates and shoves a case into him, slamming him into the wall. She slips out the door and into the night.
A seemingly drunken Sam is playing pool for money and losing. He turns it around, but notices Ruby at the bar and leaves the money to go talk to her. Dean is less than thrilled for her to be there. She tips them off that Anna has escaped and the demons are looking for her… with orders to take her alive. Dean isn't interested in anything from Ruby, but Sam decides to pursue the matter. As they make the three-day drive to the hospital, Dean wonders what Sam has been doing getting involved with a demon. Sam doesn't want to discuss it and brings up Dean's reluctance to talk about his time in Hell. Dean backs off, but Sam remembers…
Six Months Earlier
Sam summons a crossroads demon and it insists on seeing the demon-killing knife first. It refuses to bargain for Dean's life and Sam stabs it through the hand. Sam demands it take him for Dean but the demon says they have Dean right where they want him.
The Present
Sam and Dean arrive at the hospital and talk to Anna's doctor, who says the orderly doesn't remember anything that happened. The brothers are skeptical and the doctor explains that Anna simply flipped one day, overtaken by delusions that she saw demons everywhere. Among Anna's papers are references to "Raising the Witnesses" and the freeing of Samhain.
The guys go to see Anna's parents and find them dead, their throats slit. Dean recognizes some of Anna's sketches as the window from her church. They go to the church and find Anna hiding there. They try to talk to her and she knows who they are. She's heard the angels talk about them and knows that some of them think Dean can save them, and don't like Sam at all. She explains that she can overhear angels in her head. The voices started the day Dean was released from Hell. They figure the demons want her so they can listen in on their enemies. As Anna asks if her parents are okay, Ruby comes in and Anna retreats in terror. She warns a big-time demon is coming but Dean thinks she's lying. Ruby says the demon followed them, and they see a statue of Jesus start bleeding. Ruby says the demon is there and Dean examines the statue while Sam gets Anna into a nearby room for safety. Ruby says that Sam has no choice but to use his powers. The demon, Alastair, bursts in and Sam tries to stop it but it shrugs off his powers and tosses Sam down the stairs. Dean attacks it with the knife and the demon asks Dean if he recognizes him, saying they were close in Hell. Ruby gets Anna out while Dean finally recognizes Alastair. Sam tries to stab Alastair but doesn't deliver a killing blow. The brothers realize that Ruby has left with Anna and leap out a window to make their escape, leaving the knife behind.
Dean and Sam get to their motel to tend to their wounds and Sam wonders who the demon was. Dean doesn't answer and wonders if Ruby can be trusted. Sam insists they can and figures Ruby hasn't called because Alastair is watching them. Sam says they have to lay low and Dean wonders why Sam trusts her so much. He says that Ruby saved his life.
Six Months Earlier
A drunken Sam returns to his hotel room and two demons attack him. One of them is Ruby, in a new body. She takes the knife and explains that Lilith gave her one last chance in return for killing Sam. Sam tells her to do it and Ruby stabs her fellow demon instead. She tells him they have to go and they hit the road. Ruby wants to get something to eat but Sam isn't interested. Ruby explains she's a fugitive on Sam's behalf and Sam wants to know if she can help him save Dean. She admits she doesn't know anything powerful enough. He stops the car and orders her out. He asks her whose body she's wearing and she admits it belongs to a secretary. He tells her to leave it or he'll send her back to Hell.
In a hospital, a young Jane Doe is dying. The doctors disconnect her from life support, but she suddenly revives and asks for food. Sam is at a new place when Ruby arrives in her new (present day) body. She has a medical record proving her body was brain-dead, and she says she has something else for him. She offers him Lilith and he's eager to use his powers. However, she explains that Lilith is up to something big and they need to take the time to get it right this time. Ruby tells him to sober up and she'll teach him everything she knows. He practices on a captive demon but fails, and Lilith kills it with the knife. Ruby assures him he'll get over losing Dean but Sam refuses to talk about it. She reminds him she used to be human and remembers what it means to lose someone. She apologizes and then kisses him. He shoves her away, but she continues to come on to him and he finally gives in.
The Present
Dean is less than thrilled to hear about Sam's sexual escapades. Sam continues with how he found signs indicating Lilith was in town…
Five Months Earlier
Ruby warns that they're not ready to confront Lilith. When Sam insists on going, Ruby realizes he's on a suicide run but Sam shoves her aside and goes anyway. Sam goes to the house and finds a young girl at a table. The girl begs him to go home and two demons attack Sam. They say Lilith couldn't make it and knock the knife away. However, Ruby arrives and attacks the demons, and tells Sam to get the girl to safety. She kills one but the remaining demon overpowers her. Sam returns and uses his power, successfully forcing the demon out of its host body and sending it back to Hell.
The Present
Sam says that he couldn't have made it without Ruby. They're interrupted when a maid arrives with clean towels. She gives an address to Sam, who realizes she's Ruby temporarily in a new body. They sneak out the back and go to the address, where Ruby has Anna. Dean is forced to reconsider Ruby and admits he owes her for Sam. Anna wants to call her parents and Sam finally tells her the truth. She starts sobbing but then says that they're coming. They retreat to a backroom and Ruby realizes that they've lost the knife. There's a knock on the door and then it bursts open… and Castiel and Uriel enter. They're there for Anna and Castiel explains she has to die.
(to be continued)
Aired Monday 4th May, 2009