Day Fourteen - The Person That You Wish You Could Be

Dear the person that I wish I could be,

It's simple; I wish I could be a better person. I wouldn't want to actually be another person, I just wish I could be a different version of myself; an alternate me. I used to always want to be someone else; someone who was pretty, had lots of friends, fit in with everyone, was liked by everyone, had great taste in fashion.. but then I quickly realised, that's an incredibly superficial person I wanted to be. After realising this, from a very young age, I decided to not aspire to be that sort of person. Granted, I was always envious of those people who had it all, but I figured that I was never going to reach anything near it so why even bother.. So instead I was an introverted outcast; I was timid, self-conscious, quiet and 'weird'.
I used to hate that I was like this, but then I again realised that this didn't matter. It didn't matter what anyone else thought; I was free to be me. However, I always wanted to be a better person. I think that I've come a long way from who I used to be, but I still have a fair way to go. I'm still self-conscious, lacking self-esteem, have no confidence and, from time to time, hate who I am in general. But in saying this, these things aren't nearly as bad as what they used to be. I just wish that I wasn't so afraid of taking risks; to be able to put myself on the line without being afraid of what the consquences will be.
There will always be things I want to change about myself, and not just aspects that revolve around me. To me, the most important things I want to change about myself are the things that affect other people. I wish I was more socially active within the community. I wish I was more charitable. I wish I had a higher tolerance for people. I wish that I wasn't so mean to my brothers. I wish that I could treat everyone with respect. I care about the state of the world and I want to make a difference, but I wish that I was more motivated.. in all aspects of my life.
I'm nowhere near perfect and there are many things that I'd like to change in order to become a better person who can make a positive contribution to society. If I can one day be one of those people who had a positive impact, then I'll be able to live with all my flaws, because what's most important is the livelihood of everyone else around me and ensuring that they have the life that they deserve.

-Jyssica.