Muse Ban Over Smoking Not A Reality

It's nice to see that Rod Laver spokeswoman, Jo Juler, has stayed true to her word and has released this official statement in relation to the speculation of Muse being banned:

"Muse played two full shows at Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne last week. It has been incorrectly reported that they have been banned from the venue due to a band member smoking on stage. We confirm that the band have not been banned from Rod Laver Arena, and did not receive a fine.

The crowd were extremely well behaved at both shows and there were no incidents/issues to report. The band are very welcome back to Rod Laver Arena when Muse next tour Australia.”

You can find the full article here.

Letter To Rod Laver Arena Officials

My Email to Rod Laver Arena Officials:
To whom it may concern,

I am writing in regards to the events that took place at the Muse concert on December 14 and 15, 2010.

After having been in contact with numerous people after the Muse shows in both Brisbane and Sydney, I was shocked at the organisation, or lack thereof, of the Melbourne shows. To begin with, on Tuesday 14th, those of us who were lining up were made to move out of the shade and into the immense heat, only to be told that we should try to "stay in the shade when possible", despite the fact that we had just been told we weren't allowed in the shaded area. Not only that, but the organisation of the lining up procedures was chaotic and out of control. It would have made more sense to have a number system or a more controlled relocation from the shade into the sun. I found that it was unfair for those people who had been lining up all day to end up at the back of the line. I understand that you will take no responsibility for this and consider it to be the fault of those who decided to line up. However, I still feel that for future reference you may want to do what you can to ensure that everyone gets what they deserve and are treated fairly. Also, circumstances were more controlled on the second night than the first, however if you want people to follow instructions when entering Rod Laver Arena, you may want to step up your security procedures or perhaps conduct such procedures with more control and organisation. There was no structure to what was going on; hence it was difficult for security to do their job.

As for the water situation once inside the venue, I feel that it was irresponsible on the Rod Laver officials' behalf to not supply GA with water throughout the show. The only time when we were provided with water was during the interval between the support act, Biffy Clyro, and Muse. Biffy Clyro were on stage for approximately 45 minutes, with Muse being on stage for approximately 2 hours. The contrast between the two acts and the level of intensity was very distinctive. It made no sense to not provide people with some form of rehydration during the main event for the evening. We were told that it was our responsibility to keep hydrated, yet we were also told that we couldn't have bottles of water with us. Granted, we were allowed to have cups of water; however, one cup of water is not enough to sustain you for the duration of a 3 hour rock concert. The least you could have done would have been to provide GA with water throughout the show. I honestly don't see how something such as water would have been such an issue.

Which brings me to my next issue, that being the “trouble” that Muse members, Dominic Howard and Christopher Wolstenholme, seem to be in. As far as I'm aware, Muse's bassist is in trouble for smoking on stage. I have read the article and I would just like to point out a few things that I feel you have unfairly accused him of and, as a result, made him appear to be much more rebellious than he really is. Apparently, according to your officials, Chris initially tried to hide the fact that he was lighting up on stage, only to then freely inhale between songs. As I am sure you are clearly unaware of, judging by your comments made, Chris' actions were not some deliberate attempt to blatantly disregard your authority. Chris' actions in lighting up and smoking on stage is something that is very common for him to do. I can guarantee he wasn't thinking "I'm going to light up this cigarette just to break the rules". Most probably it was something he did out of routine and habit, as it is something that he frequently does whilst performing. I understand that smoking isn't allowed in non-smoking areas, that much is obvious. However, attacking Chris the way in which you did was unfair. To publically come out and condemn him for such an insignificant act is simply unfair to Chris. The fact that Muse is a rock band is no excuse; however, artists these days conduct themselves in much more serious and dangerous acts than that of Chris routinely smoking on stage. Society is told on a daily basis of the dangers of smoking, yet that does nothing to stop those who don't want to quit. If the issue with Chris smoking is to do with the "promotion" of smoking, audience members are more than educated enough to make their own decisions regarding the issue of smoking. I myself am not a smoker, and witnessing Chris smoke on stage has not encouraged me to start, nor have Chris' actions offended me in any way. However, if the issue is about "deliberately breaking the rules", then I suggest you first get an understanding of the sort of people you are talking about before you make such accusations about Chris "flaunting" the non-smoking policy.

As for Muse being "rapped for encouraging fans to "mosh out" -- in direct violation of security rules", I feel you are creating an issue where there isn't one. As an attendee on both nights, I'm well aware that it was drummer, Dominic Howard, who told the crowd to mosh during the song 'Time Is Running Out'. It wasn't as if Dom made an announcement at the beginning of the show to ignore all precautionary signs and security warnings for the entire evening. All he did was encourage the crowd to get involved and have some fun. After all, a Muse show is essentially a rock concert, and "moshing" is a typical aspect of all rock concerts. Dom didn't tell the audience to crowd surf, which is much more dangerous than moshing. Moshing is jumping up and down and knocking into one another. It doesn't involve violence of any sort. Dom's words were merely a ploy to get the audience fired up and having a good time.

Due to complaints from officials at Rod Laver Arena, Muse have now been dubbed an “anti-establishment style of performance group”. Unless your officials have any idea what they are talking about or are familiar with the message and ethos that comes along with Muse, then they have no right to go out and publically label Muse like that. Quite simply it’s unfair. Not to mention these same “antics” occurred at both the Brisbane and Sydney shows and it hasn’t been until the Melbourne shows that any concern has been raised. In regards to Chris’ smoking, there were a few grumbles from floor security, but nothing more. As for moshing, the Sydney shows were much more unruly and absolutely nothing was said about that. So please inform me as to why you seem to be the only ones with a real issue here, so much so that you’re willing to go out and condemn one of the most esteemed rock bands of our time.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Their Reply:
Thank you for your email regarding the Muse concert.

We take the health and safety of all patrons very seriously at every event, which is why we distribute water at the stage barrier. We are somewhat restricted with this, however, for a few reasons which I can explain. Firstly, the security staff that are positioned behind the stage barrier are primarily there to protect the stage and the band, which obviously means that they are limited in their ability to distribute water while the main act is on stage. I’m sure you would also agree that the majority of patrons would be too distracted by watching the main act and dancing to accept water at that point. We also need to ensure that excess water doesn’t end up on the floor, as this could cause further OH&S issues.

Prior to the event even starting we are attempting to ensure that patrons are safe, and we have drinks and umbrellas out on the Forecourt on hot days for the patrons that are queuing. Drinks are obviously available for purchase throughout the event, and are able to be brought on to the floor. Also, there is always water available from St John Ambulance staff at the edge of the floor.

We will always attempt to ensure that our patrons are safe and healthy, however, patrons also have a responsibility to look after their own welfare and ensure they drink adequate water through the day etc, and this doesn’t always occur.

In relation to us “banning” Muse this is a ridiculous beat up, we have never suggested such a thing, our comments to the media were that we were disappointed that they smoked in a non smoking venue, we did not believe that moshing was ever encouraged from the artists, there were no incidents to report at this concert whatsoever. This was one of the most incident free concerts that we have had at our arena and we welcome them back. This statement will be released to the media through the promoter.

Kind Regards,

Jo Juler.

VCE Results

It is at 6:55am that I am woken to a text message from VTAC with my study scores and ATAR result. Oh, what a lovely way to start the day! -_-

Overall, I wasn't disappointed. I was honestly expecting a lower score than the one I achieved. Those of you who personally know me can vouch for me when I say that I didn't put in much effort this year at school. Not only did I not apply myself throughout the year, but I put even less effort into studying for my exams at the end of the year. So, in saying that, I was pretty happy with my results. I was content.

It isn't enough to get straight into the course I had down as my first preference, but it is enough to get me into all my other courses I selected. However, before I give up on Arts at Monash straightaway, I did make it into the fringe and I also have my SEAS application. So hopefully I can still get in. Otherwise I'm quite happy with my second preference.

My results were as follows:
VCE: Satisfactory
ATAR: 84.15

English
Year of study: 2010
Study Score: 37
ATAR subject score: 35.94
Aggregate: 35.94
Used as: primary 4

Mathematical Methods
Year of study: 2009
Study Score: 33
ATAR subject score: 39.18
Aggregate: 39.18
Used as: primary 4

LOTE: Japanese Second Language
Year of study: 2010
Study Score: 26
ATAR subject score: 35.49
Aggregate: 35.49
Used as: primary 4

Psychology
Year of study: 2010
Study Score: 35
ATAR subject score: 33.46
Aggregate: 33.46
Used as: primary 4

Literature
Year of study: 2010
Study Score: 30
ATAR subject score: 31.12
Aggregate: 3.11
Used as: (increment: 10%)

Specialist Mathematics
Year of study: 2010
Study Score: 21
ATAR subject score: 26.69
Aggregate: 2.66
Used as: (increment: 10%)

You ever get that feeling when everything in life just seems to be working out for you? When one moment you're on the edge and then the next you feel safe, like the pieces have finally come together in your favour? That despite all that might be working against you, the things that you hope for the most are finally happening? It's an amazing feeling. It replaces helplessness and anxiety. When you experience that feeling, make sure to hold on to it because you never know how long it may last.

30 Seconds To Mars feat. Kanye West - Hurricane 2.0

No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave
No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe
No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake to the sound of the poison rain
Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?

Heart beat, a heart beat, I need a... heart beat, a heart beat...

Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn let it all burn
This hurricane's chasing us all underground

No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget
No matter how many lives I live, I will never regret
There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames
Where is your God? Where is your God? Where is your God?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead?
Or alive to torture for my sins?

Do you really want? (heart beat, a heart beat)
Do you really want me? (I need a.. heart beat, a heart beat)
Do you really want me dead? (you know I gotta leave, I can't stay, I know I gotta go, I can't stay)
Or alive to live a lie?

Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn let it all burn
This hurricane's chasing us all underground

You say you wrong, you wrong, I'm right, I'm right, you're wrong, we fight
Ok, I'm running from the light, running from the day to night
Oh, the quiet silence defines our misery
The riot inside keeps trying to visit me
No matter how we try, it's too much history
Too many bad notes playing in our symphony
So let it breathe, let it fly, let it go
Let it fall, let it crash, burn slow
And then you call upon God
Oh, you call upon God

Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn let it all burn
This hurricane chasing us all underground
This hurricane...

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead?
Or alive to torture for my sins?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead?
Or alive to live a lie?

Running away from the night, running away from the light
Running away to save your life

A Melody...

Good Charlotte - Harlow's Song (Can't Dream Without You)

I can't dream without you

When you close your eyes and go to sleep tonight
I'll be right outside your door
Dreams will come and they'll take you away
Let them bring you back to me

And tomorrow when you wake
I'll be next you
From protection from the day
When the tears fall down your face like morning dew
I'll be there to put a smile on your face
And I'll say...

I don't wanna live this life without you
I don't wanna spend a night without you
I don't wanna know what it's like
I can't dream without you
I can't dream without you

Let your fire burn bright for the world to see
You are the better part of me
When you hold my hand I swear that I believe
I'm living in my wildest dreams
And I see ...

I don't wanna live this life without you
I don't wanna spend a night without you
I don't wanna know what it's like
I can't dream without you

Flowers for your hair
Rainbows for your eyes to see
Your dreams are everywhere
They'll carry you away from me
Away from me someday
Away from me someday

I don't wanna live this life without you
I don't wanna spend a night without you
I don't wanna know what it's like
I can't dream without you
I don't wanna live this life without you
I don't wanna spend a night without you
I don't wanna know what it's like
I can't dream without you

U2 live at Etihad Stadium, Melbourne

December 1, 2010: U2 at Etihad Stadium, Melbourne

Marching to the tune of David Bowie's 'Space Oddity' was fitting as U2 took to their 360 degree rocket-inspired stage and kick-started their 2010 Australian tour. With such an esteemed reputation for their live performances, from the stage design alone you knew you were in for a treat.

Starting off the night with 'Beautiful Day', U2 played songs from across the eras; from 'I Will Follow' and 'Sunday Blood Sunday' to more recent songs such as 'Get On Your Boots' and 'Vertigo'. During 'Sunday Blood Sunday', Jay-Z made an appearance to feature in the performance. Crowd favourites like 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For', 'Where The Streets Have No Name' and 'With Or Without You' had the audience screaming and taking over the part of vocals. It was an energetic night with a fabulous light show and captivating visuals. Truly an incredible night.

Also, throughout the show, Bono, a passionate advocate for social justice, described the conditions in less fortunate countries and how a small contribution on our behalf can have an immense impact. A lot of people perceive the U2 frontman to be too flamboyant and 'preachy' when it comes to his outspoken views on social issues around the world. However, I find it truly inspiring the conviction of his words and the passion he has for wanting to change conditions in society. Everybody wants the world to be a better place and for the less privileged countries to have equal opportunities and, given the opportunity, we would all do something about it if that chance were ever to arise. So how can people sit back and criticise a man who is in a position where he can make a difference. With millions of people looking up to him around the world, he is in a position where people listen to him. Standing in front of a crowd of 60,000 onlookers, speaking his words of awareness, his message instantly reaches another 60,000 people in the world. If you had the opportunity to raise awareness in such a way, wouldn't you seize the moment too?

The setlist for the night was as follows:
1. Return Of The Stingray Guitar Intro + Beautiful Day
2. I Will Follow
3. Get On Your Boots
4. Magnificent
5. Mysterious Ways
6. Elevation
7. Until The End Of The World
8. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
9. Mercy
10. Bad
11. In A Little While
12. Miss Sarajevo
13. City Of Blinding Lights
14. Vertigo
15. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
16. Sunday Bloody Sunday ft. Jay-Z
17. Scarlet
18. Walk On
Encore
19. Desmond Tutu speech + One
20. Where The Streets Have No Name
Encore 2
21. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
22. With Or Without You
23. Moment of Surrender

30 Seconds To Mars - Hurricane (Uncensored)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, 'Hurricane'; a short film by 30 Seconds To Mars, in its entirety, without censors.
Television networks may have prevented the film from airing due to its content, however, nothing can stand in the way of the power of the internet!

As strange as this video is, I find it to be very artistic. As the video itself reads, "This is not reality, this is a dream" and, as we all know, dreams do not always make sense. It's unusual, bizarre and very sexual, but amongst all the craziness and sexuality is a lot of creativity. It is evident how this video can be seen as inappropriate for people of younger ages, therefore it would be ideal for an alternative version to be made for viewing on music programs. As a 13minute long video, it would have to be cut down anyway in order to be played on such television shows. However, it is obvious the level of commitment, hard work and dedication that has gone into creating such an epic music video, so kudos to the band and Bart Cubbins on a job very well done!

14 DAYS UNTIL MUSE!

30 Seconds To Mars' HURRICANE Banned From Television

After all the hard work and effort that Jared Leto and 30 Seconds To Mars have put into completing their 20minute short film for their song 'Hurricane', networks have banned the film from being broadcast due to the explicit sexual content.

In my opinion this is completely outrageous. I mean, have you seen the types of music videos and television programs that get aired on MTV these days? Provided the film has the proper classification warnings and a suitable timeslot there should be no reason as to why it cannot be aired on television!

It's unfair that 30STM should have to edit their video in order for it to be "satisfactory" for the networks. That's taking away the creative rights that the guys have as artists!

A note from Jared Leto: "Here is one letter out of several we received about the inability for networks to broadcast HURRICANE as is. I am looking to find a creative solution that works for all."
(View the full network letter here)

The following teaser trailers are clips from the upcoming 30 Seconds To Mars short film, 'Hurricane'

HURRICANE - Introducing Jared

HURRICANE - Introducing The Telephone

HURRICANE - Introducing Shannon

HURRICANE - Introducing The Gimps

HURRICANE - Introducing Tomo

HURRICANE - Introducing Rosewood

THIRTYSECONDSTOMARS.COM

It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time

While laying here in bed, waiting for sleep to grace me with its presence, I can't help but let my mind wander. And the current thought that's weaving it's way through the labyrinth that is my mind; fate. Whatever you may call it or whatever you believe in, whether it be fate, destiny, coincidences or free will, there are those moments in our lives where we doubt our own beliefs and open ourselves up to the possibility of different views.
Now, I've given this subject of free will vs. fate a lot of thought, and I've never been able to come to a definite conclusion. However, the more I think about it, the more I'm leaning towards believing in fate. I'm a firm believer in the notion that "everything happens for a reason", so it would only make sense for me to believe in fate, right?

Well, I have a story to tell you. The events of this story, while taking place in a slightly intoxicated state, truly freaked me out.. (even when I was sober)!
It was Monday November 15, 2010 and I had sat my very last VCE exam earlier that day. As a celebration of the end of exams I had a group of friends around for pizza and drinks. Being the responsible young adults that we are, we had some people who had to drive who were not drinking. Emily was one of those sober people. Kaitlyn was also another, however she wasn't going to turn up until later on in the night. Rach on the other hand was not one of the non-drinkers. So, when it came time for Rach to go to Bonnie's house (who lives around the corner and down the road; a 5min drive but a 30min walk. Rach was getting picked up from Bonnie's house cos it was easier for Rach's mum to go to a familiar house) I said that rather than Rach walking (which she wanted to do) it would be safer for Emily to drive Rach to Bonnie's and, seeing as how Emily didn't know the area well, I should go too as the navigator. So it was decided; Emily and I would leave to take Rach to Bonnie's. On the way to Bonnie's place though I told Emily to take a right turn onto the road that would take us past my old house (which is also a 5min drive from my current house and literally down the road from Bonnie's). It was a split decision for me to tell Emily to turn right and, seeing as we had some time before Rach's mum would arrive, Emily followed my directions. We turned into my old court and, being the slightly drunk person that I was, I excitedly told Rach and Emily about all the houses in my old court as we passed them, until we got to my old house at the end of the court. There was a car parked outside my old house, but I thought nothing of it; I was too wrapped up in telling my random stories. That was until Emily said "hey, isn't that Kaitlyn?". That's when I looked at the car parked out front my old house and realised it was Kaitlyn. She obviously hadn't noticed it was us in the car because she started her car and began to drive off. I told Emily to hurry up and follow Kaitlyn and, again in my slightly drunk state, I opened the passenger door while we were still moving and ran after Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn then stopped and pulled over. I went to her car, she wound down the window and, naturally, she was surprised to see me. She said "Jys, what are you doing here?" to which I replied "I came to visit my old house! What are you doing here?!". Kaitlyn just looked at me and said "I thought this is where you lived.. Number **, ********* Court?" By this time I was in almost in hysterics! I looked at Kaitlyn and I said "Kaitlyn, this is my old house. I haven't lived here for 3 years. You've never been to this house and I've never had reason to give you this address.." Kaitlyn, however, could have sworn that the house she was parked out front of was my house! I told Kaitlyn where we were off to and that she should just follow us until we get back to my house.
So that's what we did. Emily and I dropped Rach off at Bonnie's house with Kaitlyn following behind us. We made it back to my house where the three of us rejoined the party. Kaitlyn made it to my current residential address and we had a good time! However, it really shook me how that whole event panned out! I mean, what are the chances that I would make a last minute decision to tell Emily to turn right? What are the chances that Kaitlyn would go to my old house? What are the chances that we would actually find Kaitlyn at my old house? Had I not told Emily to turn, we wouldn't have gone to my old house and we wouldn't have found Kaitlyn! It may sound silly, but just think about it; what are the chances of that happening?! What if it hadn't have been me who went with Emily to give directions? Bonnie easily could have gone with the girls as she also lives in the area. If that had been the case then she definitely wouldn't've made the turn. I was the only one who could have gone and possibly made that decision. And what even made me decide to take the girls to my old house in the first place?
After that incident, and given the eerie conversation topic I'd been discussing with Rach and Bonnie earlier in the night, I was genuinely spooked a little by what happened and it really cemented my belief in things happening for a reason; in fate!

Maybe we're the children of a lesser God between Heaven and Hell

That moment in my life has arrived where I have finished school and it's time to move on to "bigger and better things". I couldn't wait to finish school; I hated it! And now it's time to end that chapter of my life, turn the page, and start on a new beginning. However, I don't know where to start. I have writers block, so to speak. How can I know where to begin when, in my eyes, this is the beginning of the end?
Everyone keeps asking me the same question; "what do you plan on doing now?". Well, I don't know how to answer that. My mind keeps constantly changing, my feelings towards certain ideas always wavering. I cannot give anyone a straight answer because the answer is: I don't know. All I know is that I'm taking a year off school to get my head straight. Yet when I tell people this I'm met with the same response: a simple "oh" and a certain look in peoples eyes. Even when I change things up and tell people I want to one day write, I am again faced with the same look. It's a look of disbelief and skepticism. It's as if people find it hard to fathom how I, Jyssica, don't know how I want to spend the rest of my life.
The one person from whom I cop this treatment from the most is my father. He's always on my back about getting a job. I've finished school now so I should have a job. Everyone else has a job and if I don't get one, he's not going to support me forever. I've heard that enough times now that I have a tendency to ignore him. It's not that I haven't thought about getting a job or anything, it's just that I'm not ready for it. To me it's so much more than simply earning money. If I get a job I will be essentially setting myself up for the beginning of the end. If I get a job now, I'll be working for the rest of my life. I have no time left to be a child. Those days are behind me now without anyone informing me that they'd left in the first place. I'm not ready for adulthood. I'm not ready for responsibility. I'm not ready to grow up and face the world.

Paramore live at Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne

October 13, 2010: Paramore at Sidney Myer Music Bowl, Melbourne

The setlist:
1. Ignorance
2. Feeling Sorry
3. That’s What You Get
4. For A Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic
5. Emergency
6. Playing God
7. Careful
8. Decode
9. You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man (Acoustic)
10. When It Rains (Acoustic)
11. Where The Lines Overlap (Acoustic)
12. Misguided Ghosts (Acoustic)
13. Crushcrushcrush
14. Pressure
15. Looking Up
16. The Only Exception
Encore:
17. Brick By Boring Brick
18. Misery Business

The setlist was only posted online recently, hence my delay in posting the setlist or anything to do with the gig at all. One thing I will say though, it was an AMAZING night! They truly know how to put on a great, energetic show! And Hayley Williams, quite simply, is hot! lol

If there is something that every blog needs, something that mine seems to be sorely lacking, it's some good old fashioned Hollywood/teenage girl bitching. And my target: Matthew Bellamy and Kate Hudson.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think Kate's a great actress, I love her films. However, what gets to me is her relationship with Matthew. The reason for my frustration? I happen to be one of those people who becomes highly obsessed with one thing until it progresses to the point where I begin to take ownership of things that quite obviously will/could never be mine. In this case, my obsession with Muse has lead to my protectiveness over the band members. And don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that this fanatic behaviour is unhealthy and borderline insane, but that's not going to do anything to change the way I feel! It's probably because she is in fact a Hollywood actress, and you hear and see all the time on TV and in magazines about celebrity couples and every single detail of their lives. Not that, in my fanatic mind, I have a problem with knowing every facet of Matt's life, I just don't like how public and "Hollywood" everything has become. I mean, I had no problem at all when he was with his non-famous psychologist girlfriend, Gaia. There was no publicity like there is now! I have nothing against Kate at all. And if she makes Matt happy, then that's all that really matters. Deep down somewhere inside me I actually think they make a cute couple! And when I see pictures of how happy they are together it makes me smile! And seeing Matt out and about with Kates son, Ryder, is just adorable! But still, there's just something that doesn't sit right about the whole thing for me. And honestly, I'm just some stupid crazy teenage girl who should get over things like this that I cannot possible change, nor should I even care about in the first place. So, in saying that, I'm just going to shut up now and stop boring everyone to death with my whining :)

PS. One thing that does make me laugh though is when the newspapers and websites get things wrong. Like captioning a photo with "Mark Bellamy" instead of Matt Bellamy, or referring to the wrong person entirely as the following headline, picture and caption demonstrates.

Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy Share Late Night Out

The 31-year-old beauty spent her time with her musician lover at Ivy Restaurant in London, England on Tuesday, August 31, before heading to The Groucho private members club.

For those who don't know, the man in the picture is Dominic Howard.. Muse's drummer.. lol

I believe in nothing,
Not the end and not the start.
I believe in nothing,
Not the earth and not the stars.
I believe in nothing,
Not the day and not the dark.
I believe in nothing,
But the beating of our hearts.
I believe in nothing,
One hundred suns until we part.
I believe in nothing,
Not in sin and not in God.
I believe in nothing,
Not in peace and not in war.
I believe in nothing,
But the truth and who we are.

Sometimes things happen in life that make you step back and reassess the world from a different perspective. When random and unpredictable events occur they take you completely off guard. During these times you can be left feeling angry, confused and unsettled. But sometimes it's amazing how clear things become amongst the tragedy. Suddenly what used to have you pondering away your time becomes blatantly obvious. You straight away priortise what's important to you and come to realise what it is you value most in your life. I find it incredible how people can set aside their differences when the time calls for it. The overwhelming love and support that people offer in times of need really proves that, despite everything that's wrong in the world, just below the surface is a society that will always come through for one another. And, if you think about it, it's a comforting thought to hold onto.

XIX Commonwealth Games Delhi 2010

The Commonwealth Games; a 2 week international event that sees the countries of the Commonwealth competing in a range of sports and allowing Australia to dominate without the likes of America and China stealing our thunder!

I like the Olympics and the Commonwealth Games! Usually I'm not a sports enthusiast, however the Olympics and Commonwealth Games really bring out my patriotism! My favourite sports to watch are the swimming and the diving! Australia has one of the leading swimming teams internationally. We have an incredibly talented team, including the likes of legends such as Leisel Jones and up-and-coming super-stars likes Alicia Coutts. And yes, I do realise I only mentioned females there, but right now the females dominate the swimming!! Emily Seebohm, Jessicah Schipper.. there's many more but I couldn't possibly write them all out.

That's not to say that the males don't pull their weight! I mean, Geoff Huegill made the most inspiring comeback! The efforts that that man went to in order to get to where he is now.. it's unbelievable! And the male 4x100 medley relay! They smashed the competition! So, all in all, I'm so proud of the Australian swimming team :)

And now that we've entered into the second week of competition, the diving has begun! Matthew Mitcham is so adorable! But more importantly, he's very talented; an excellent diver! He's my man to watch at the moment. I mean, I can't perv on Eamon Sullivan anymore due to the swimming being over, so now it's time to move onto my next target, Matthew.. lol

In all seriousness though, I'm loving the Commonwealth Games at the moment! It's competitions like this that make me want to swim again! It makes me want to aspire to be like these people, competing for the enjoyment, the thrill, and the chance to represent their country and make them proud!

Oh, and to conclude this post on an extreme PHWOAR factor, I leave you with these two beautiful men ♥

^_^
*faints*

日本語のしけん。。。

This requires a blog because I'm just so relieved that it's over..

Today was my first exam of the year 12 VCE exam period, and what better way to start off such a time than with a Japanese oral exam! It was a day of mixed emotions; stress, anxiety, pride, relief! Surrounded by such an amazing and supportive class, we all managed to get through it together! A shout out to Emma, Elly, Elouise, Emily, Bonnie, Rachael, Kaitlyn, Jeorja and James who all did a magnificent job! And of course our teacher, Miss Faulkner, whom without we definitely wouldn't have been able to get through it!

The bus ride to Box Hill involved a lot of screaming and laughing and mind-distracting antics; a very fun environment to be in.. despite the obvious nerves that everyone was feeling! Nevertheless, we were all there for each other, and we did it! XD

I may have made a few mistakes.. had a few silences where I just had no idea what to say!! But overall I don't think I did too badly. And hey, what does it really matter.. right now I'm just so happy that it's over! lol

You would say anything and you would try anything to escape your meaningless and your insignificance...

At what point does searching for something with substance become just another wayward dream? How long must one aspire to such dreams before realising they might just be out of reach? People waste away their lives looking for something without ever really knowing what it is they're trying to find; does this equate to a life well spent? Perhaps it's simply easier to surrender ourselves to our own mundane existence and accept that fact that we're all just insignificant creatures in a world that is far beyond anything we could ever hope to understand. Waiting for our dreams to come to us is just as, if not more, senseless; time will eventually fade us away into nothingness without anything to show for the time spent. To be proactive about our lives is the key; however, how much dedication and motivation is required to get to where we want to be? Not only is the quantity difficult to measure, but simply acquiring the motive to begin with is a challenge within itself. There has to be a purpose to our existence here or why else would we even exist? The issue though is how we go about searching for ourselves and whether or not, in the end, it's even worth the trouble at all.

...and it's driving me mad.

...make your dreams come true.

First of all, I'd like to begin by saying how much I appreciate the feedback I got from my 30-ish Day Letter Challenge. I had people DMing me on Facebook and Twitter and it meant a lot to me. I had replies from people who were either touched by something I wrote or who were able to resonate with something I wrote. Either way, it made it all worthwhile. I never intended for anyone to actually read them, but the fact that so many people did, that just made it mean so much more.
In saying this, a further thank you is also necessary to all those people because without that feedback I don't think I'd've been able to finally make a decision as to where I want to head in the future. I've always had an interest in English and in writing, however I've never trusted in my "abilities" enough to take the chance and go for it. This little exercise originally just gave me an excuse to write again, but eventually it became something that allowed me to explore the different aspects of my own being that I had either forgotten about or supressed. Therefore, the feedback I received gave me a little bit of confidence and made me think, "hey, maybe you don't suck that much afterall..?"
So now I have finally decided what I want to do at University, a decision that has been nagging at me for years now! .. as well as a question that everyone else has been nagging me about too. I've decided I'd like to try for a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in English, and perhaps minoring in Japanese.. Well, so far that's the idea in my mind. I figured it's something that I've always wanted to do but just been too afraid to go after. And now, with the help of a few people and inspirations, I thought, "sod it! Time to stop being so afraid of nothing! I always have the option of changing my mind later if I dislike it, so there's no reason to not at least try for something I love". And so, that is currently where I am at :)
This was rather pointless, but I felt I should share a word of thanks to those people who deserve it.. they all know who they are :)

best, you've got to be the best. you've got to change the world and use this chance to be heard. your time is now!

Day Twenty-One - Your Reflection In The Mirror

Dear my reflection in the mirror,

You know what, I originally had something else written for you and I've had it saved as a draft for days, but I've decided against using it. This will be the shortest letter I've written because there's nothing to say that you already don't know; if anything you know more about me than I do. I look at you and I see every mistake and every flaw. I look at you and you revolt me. Sometimes it's easy to look beyond the image you cast and sometimes it's not. Nothing is hidden from you; nothing gets past you. Sometimes I'm content and sometimes I want more from you. You confuse me and frustrate me and shock me and, sometimes, make me proud. Really, there is nothing more to say; you already know it.

-Jyssica.

Day Twenty - That Person You Want To Tell Everything To, But Are Too Afraid To

Dear that person I want to tell everything to,

I don't like to keep secrets; they make me feel like I'm betraying people. Even if it's something minor I'll still feel bad, as if I'm lying or something; it's very easy to make me feel bad about keeping a secret. That is, when it's my secret. I don't like that feeling of holding things back from the people that mean the most to me. If I'm told a secret in the confidence that I won't say a word, then you can hold me to that; I'm very good with other peoples privacy. It's only when there's something on my mind that I'll feel guilty about hiding things. However, it's a little bit silly, isn't it? I mean, we should all feel comfortable in keeping certain bits of information to ourselves if that's what we feel is necessary. Well, regardless, I still feel as if I should tell certain people everything, and that's why I feel bad for keeping some things from them; things that's I've done, things that I've been through, thoughts that I have, things that I do.
But, to those people that I keep things from, that doesn't mean I don't respect, love or trust you; it just means that I feel that some things are better left undiscussed. I mean, mostly everything is in the past, so there's really no need to bring it up again. And some things you just wouldn't understand. When I do open up to people, that takes a lot for me to do that. It's very hard for people to gain my absolute and complete trust, so if I do divulge certain information to you it is because I trust you with every ounce of my heart and my soul; and even then, it's unlikely that anyone will ever know every single thing about me. If you break that trust though, don't think that you will ever regain it. You might, but it really depends on how much you hurt me.
There are certain people that I wish I could tell everything to, but I don't see that happening. Like I said, this has nothing to do with trust, it's just that I feel more comfortable keeping some things to myself; it's got nothing to do with you personally. And sometimes I wish I could just come out and tell you everything, but I always change my mind. It's not so much about being afraid as it is about wanting to keep at least one bit of information to do with myself private and away from the minds of other people. By keeping little bits of information to myself, it makes me feel like I have some control over the situation; that everything I do in regards to this knowledge is influenced by nothing else but me; and I feel that it's important to have this sense of individual power sometimes, that you are the Master of your own fate and the Captain of your soul.

-Jyssica.

Day Nineteen - Someone That Changed Your Life

Dear someone who changed my life,

It's very rare that I open up to people on a deep, personal level. I am, however, completely transparent when it comes to my obsessions and weird little mannerisms; in a way I'm utterly predictable! I'm so outspoken about the things that I'm passionate about that people can read me like an open book! In saying this though, there is more to me than meets the eye; that's right, I'm a transformer, lol. In all seriousness though, I'm a lot more complex than people may assume. There are only a handful of people who have ever glimpsed this side of me, and an even fewer amount still who have actually witnessed this side of me in full force. It is these couple of people who changed my life; who saved my life. Whether it was a conscious effort or not, they all had their role to play. Now, two paragraphs for two special people. (NOTE: there is a third person here, but they already have their own post. This person was/is an incredible strength to me and I don't know what I would have done without them. They have never once judged me based on anything I've ever told them. They know exactly how much they mean to me, at least I hope they do, and nothing will ever, ever change that).

You were there for me when I had no one else to turn to. Don't ask me how it happened, because I don't have a clue, but something changed in our friendship that pushed us from being friends to best friends. Perhaps it was our ability to identify with each other; both in different circumstances, yet both still able to understand where the other person was coming from. For a very long time I came to you for everything. I literally poured my heart out to you because I didn't know what else to do. I needed this weight off of my shoulders and you were my go-to. I felt bad burdening you with my issues when you had your own to deal with, but I guess in a way this just strengthened our bond. I will never, ever forget one specific night when I was babysitting my neighbours. I was watching 'The Boy In The Striped Pyjama's'. I came home that night and I wasn't in a good state.. You helped me through that. I don't even know if you remember.. There is obviously a lot of that story that I'm not going to reveal for the sake of this letter, but trust me when I say what you did for me that night I will never forget. You were there for me every single step of the way, not once losing patience with me or abandoning me. What we went through, and how you helped me, I'm forever in debt to you. I realise that you think you did nothing, but let me assure you that you did do something; more than just a mere 'something'.. perhaps more than you'll ever know. And for everything you did for me, I am eternally grateful.

You did what you did for me without having any clue of the effect you would have. I just want you to know the respect and admiration I have for you. I have always looked up to you; everything about you is how I'd wanna be, your freedom comes naturally. I've never had many older female influences in my life that were close to my age, so once I met you it was like I had finally discovered the big sister that I never had. You're just so intelligent and witty and talented!! After I pretty much lost contact with everyone, you were the one person who I maintained a connection with; and I'm so thankful for that! You really are a bundle of energy and positivity! You have such an optimistic view on life in general! "It's hard to be blue when the sun shines on your day off and you have a bag full of books which cost nothing at all". I love that you get joy out of the simple things in life; a cosy cafe with a tea and good book to keep you company. Sorry to ramble on, but you must understand how much your opinion means to me; because when you sent me a letter out of the blue one day, that was a turning point for me. The letter was unexpected and it made me realise that even though we never actually saw each other anymore, you were still sensing that there was something wrong. For you to be able to guage something like that from such a distance really made me start to think; Not only was I affecting the people I saw on a daily basis, but I had managed to draw your attention. I can't even explain to myself, let alone to everyone else, what snapped within me. But whatever it was, something changed inside of me. From that day on I started to view the world differently; I started to change my opinion on life. By no means did everything suddenly go away, nor do I think it ever will, but from that day onwards things have never been the same. I still keep on me at all times the little ticket you sent me with your letter - it's a constant reminder for me of what to strive for.
Without the love and support of those people closest to me, then I don't know where I would be today. So to all those people who have ever helped me out, whether the favour be big or small, I thank you so much ♥

-Jyssica.

Day Eighteen - The Person You Know That Is Going Through The Worst Of Times

Dear the person who I know is going through the worst of times,

It's so hard for me to watch you go through this. I feel so helpless, like there's nothing at all that I can do. I don't know what to say; I don't know what to do. I feel as if you're putting on a brave face for the world when inside you're really falling apart. You're such a strong person, and always have been! The horrors that have been thrown your way in the past 6 months would have had everyone else running away had it been them in your position; but that's not like you. You're the type of person that puts everyone else's needs before your own. Despite how you're feeling, you still soldier on and act like everything is okay. But what you've had to deal with, it's not okay. Behind closed doors and away from everyone else, I can't begin to understand how hard it must be for you. I mean, I know how much it hurt me, so I can only begin to imagine the impact this whole ordeal has had on you. And it seems to be never ending.. there's always forms to fill out, people to speak to, phone calls to make.. it really does feel as if it's going to go on forever! Realistically it will all wrap up eventually, but it really has dragged on for longer than necessary, only making the whole situation worse. I want nothing more than for things to back to the way they were before all of this happened, but that's just not possible; nothing will ever be the same again. I've heard you on the phone, had to listen to the aftermath of said phone calls, I've seen the way that your expression changes from time to time.. I hate seeing you like this, and I wish I knew what I could do to help. But like I said, you're strong! You have such a strong will and determination. You're surrounded by a loving family who will always be there for you no matter what. Together as one united front we can all move on; together we're invincible. I hate that this has happened to you, and all in such a short period too. But know that we are here for you, and we love you.

-Jyssica.

Day Seventeen - The Person That Gave You Your Favourite Memory

Dear the person who gave me my favourite memory,

Again, this isn't a specific person as much as it's a specific group of people; my grade 6 primary school class! Whenever someone asks me about the most enjoyable time of my life, I always think back to grade 6. So many great memories are associated with that year! I guess there is one specific person who I was able to share it all with, and perhaps I'll direct this letter to her :)
It was 2004 and I was 11 going on 12 years old in my last year of primary school, and boy did we have fun! At the time all I wanted to do was get out of the place and be done with it, but looking back now I realise I should have enjoyed it while it lasted.. but that's not to say we didn't, because we definitely did! Even from the very first day of induction, you and I kick-started the memories! We were the only friends we had in the class.. We had other friends, but I mean from our friendship group. For induction we didn't have our regular teacher. It would have had to have been a Friday, because it was on Fridays that we had a substitute; our sports and information technology teacher. For the purposes of this letter we'll class him Mr. X (because he's gonna come up quite a bit, lol). Anyway, let's just say that Mr. X was not our favourite person in the world. We'd all been sitting on the floor and then Mr.X told the class to go and sit at our tables. However, we didn't want to do that. He kept telling us to go to the tables, but we refused to do that and instead just sat on the floor. Eventually he gave up and just continued on with the class with us still on the floor (..making faces at him and talking really loudly! lol) We decided for ourselves when we wanted to go sit in our chairs, and when we did, we picked the table that faced the wall and sat there, facing the wall. LOL. Ahh, Mr.X was such a source of amusement! Remember how every Friday, a bit of the day would be dedicated to his Spanish-ness, lol. He'd teach us about the Running of the Bulls and everything.. and we just wouldn't do the work. Oh, hahahaha.. or that day when Jackson was making those chicken noises, so Mr. X sent him into the bag room, but Jackson just got louder and louder! LOL. Oh, that was funny!! And the two groups of tables at the back of the classroom.. I think I was with Luke, Brooke and Judy.. and you were with Sean (?) Anyway, Brooke laughed like a hyena, and Judy used to always get frustrated with us!! lol. And the rubber collection we had!!! Whenever we rubbed some work out we would collect the shavings from it!! (where did that all end up, by the way? lol). And "talk talk talk talk" hahahaha! OMG, that was funny! We figured that you don't breathe when you talk, so everytime Brandon walked past we would start saying "talk talk talk talk" because we thought he smelt! LOL. haha, we were so mean to him. And that Friday we locked him in the sports shed! LOL! We had the duty of putting the blue bins away after lunch, and when we put the bins away we trapped him behind all the bins and then shut the roller door!! Then halfway through the lesson he finally returned to class once he was able to get himself out! Mr. X was like "where were you?" and he's like "I was in the shed." hahaha. OMG! What about silent reading!?!?! How it was a strict rule that we had to be quite, but we would pick a book and just read the last word of every line in the book out loud!! haha, sometimes it made sense too.. making up our own stories! haha, I remember we'd just burst into laughter all the time when we did that! And, of course, we'd get i trouble for it by Mr.X.. but then that would just make us do it more!!
Do you find it funny how everything so far has to do with us and our behaviour in Mr.X's classes.. haha, Friday's had to be the best day!
But then there's also our sports and IT classes with him! In IT he liked to use the overhead projector and his laptop, and he'd literally spend half the class giving us instructions on what to do because no one would listen to him!!! And when we finally did get to go onto the computers, he'd tell us to turn the sound down because otherwise it'd get too noisy.. so instead we turned the volume up! LOL. Or sports classes, when he'd give us instructions.. I remember the pavement on the footpath had been dug up a bit because they were looking for a drain or something.. anyway, there were little stones everywhere. And he said to us while we were on the basketball courts "please don't touch the stones".. so what do we do? .. We pick up the stones and throw them at him, LOL. hahahaha, ohhh gosh. We really were cruel! Then there was the fact that he changed the name of the game "Killer" because he thought it was too violent. So we changed it to "Socceroonie" instead. That way when he wrote it up on the board and rubbed a letter off at a time when we were naughty, it would take forever to rub off so we'd still end up playing it anyway!! But how competitive did he get when he joined in!!! Like, as the teacher you don't actually play. You join in and have fun, but you let the kids win.. but nup, not Mr.X! He got into it and wasn't happy when we said he went out! lol.
haha, are there any memories without Mr.X .. ?
lol, of course! I remember wet day programs! We'd all crowd around the radio.. listening to JoJo's 'Leave (Get Out)' or Stacie Orrico 'There's Gotta Be (More To Life)' or Usher 'Confessions' or Simple Plan!! Oh, remember our obsession with Simple Plan!?!? I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair. ohhh, or that day we had a beatboxing competition. And Brandon got up and was full serious, and people were like "yeah.. that's okay".. but then we got up and were full spastic, and everyone voted us the winners!! LOL. Wet day programs were fun!!
Music in general that year was awesome! Simple Plan, blink182! I remember you used to get the lyrics wrong to both 'Perfect' and 'I Miss You' and I'd always correct you and you'd get annoyed! lol. That was the year when you brought me down!! lol, your punk rock influence! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! hahaha. OMG! What about Maroon 5, 'She Will Be Loved' .. ? hahaha. And she will. Be loved. And she will. Be lo-uh-uh-uh-uh-ved. Even now when I hear that song I think of you! Blink182's self-titled album also reminds me of grade 6; grade 6 swimming to be specific. I got it for my birthday that year, and I as I wasn't doing school swimming, I'd listen to it on the side of the pool, using my WALKMAN! haha. And we'd listen to it on the bus to and from swimming.
And our competitiveness with our school work!! Everytime we did some work, everyone would always think mine was better. Then one day we didn't say which piece of work belonged to who, and then when you asked people, they still thought the one that belonged to me was better! haha. OH! And Ralia!! hahahaha! How when we were doing the topic of Aboriginals we couldn't come up with names for the people in our stories, so we just took letters out of words from the wall displays! ('Ralia' came from the word 'Australia' hahah). OMFG! MY RULER! I STILL HAVE IT!!! XD Haawah Hooganahboogahnah!! LOLOLOL! And how we made holes in it and dug grooves into it so we could have pen races!! hahahaha!! Jesus Christ we had so much fun!!! And Maths Mastery. The last question was always algebra or something, and we always got like 20/20 and felt so smart!!
Man, 2004 with you was SO much fun! There are SO many more memories that I know we'll discuss once you've seen this! lol. Thank you so much for being apart of all of this! It was such an epic year and I wouldn't trade the memories for anything!!

-Jyssica.

Day Sixteen - Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To

Dear someone I want to give a second chance to,

This is less of someone and more of an entire population, that population including you and me; the world. We all deserve a second chance, right? Well, apparently we all do. Sometimes it's difficult to "forgive and forget", I know I have trouble on the whole "forgetting" part of that.. but still, everyone deserves forgiveness, don't they? Honestly, I don't think they do; not everyone. If you make a mistake, you should learn to live with the consequences. Some mistakes are forgivable; others are not. If you happen to do something that is unforgivable, then don't expect anyone to give you a second chance. This doesn't mean you won't be given one though.. I said not to expect one, that doesn't necessarily mean that some generous person out there won't give you one.
The world is made up of billions of people, everyone being their own unique individual making their own contribution to the world. However, not all contributions are positive. I look around and I see chaos and destruction everywhere. We have countries at war for the most ridiculous reasons because everyone is too narrow-minded and ignorant to come to some agreement. There is violence between different races and cultures, sexes, age groups.. everywhere you look there is likely to be some form of conflict. We have people in our society that think that it's okay to target the more vulnerable. There are violent fights, beatings, stabbings, shootings.. on a less violent scale, but serious nonetheless, there's the typical insulting, name-calling and schoolyard bullying (which these days has started to involve the more serious types of violence). Since when is any of this okay? Who honestly thinks that it's nothing to be apart of such behaviour? Kids teasing other kids, parents taking discipline too far, husbands beating on their wives.. none of this is okay!! The sooner that everyone realises this then the better off we'll all be. Not only does this behaviour effect those involved, but it also affects society as a whole. We all witness the aftermath of these conflicts, we all have to try and work to put the pieces back together.. but regardless of how hard we try to build things back up, there is always going to be a number of people working equally as hard to tear everything back down! It doesn't matter how much time and effort you put into trying to make the word a better place, because evil is always going to exist! Humans are some of the most vile and malicious creatures on this earth, and unfortunately we find ourselves in a position of utmost power.
I want to give the world a second chance. I want to be able to say "hey, we've all made mistakes, let's try harder next time to make the right decision".. but the fact is, the world doesn't deserve a second chance, not in my eyes. History has proven this! We've had our chances to learn from the past, but time and time again we make the same stupid mistakes!! Until there comes a time when we do actually say to ourselves "somethings gotta change", then I refuse to forgive the world. I hope that one day I can but, for now, that's not happening.

-Jyssica.

Day Fifteen - Someone You Judged By Their First Impression

Dear someone I judged by first impressions,

This could be relevant to so many people. In fact I'm positive that it is. I can't think of a specific example, so I suppose this is to anyone in general who I've judged based on first impressions. If you try and tell yourself that you've never judged someone in the very first moments of meeting them, then you'd be lying. You don't even have to have met the person in order to have judged them. Either way, we've all done it. It's human nature to do so.
I've judged people and thought them to be complete bitches, only to realise that they're the sweetest people ever. I've also had it the other way round too, where I've thought someone to be really nice, only to have them turn out to be the complete opposite. Regardless of which case it is, we still shouldn't judge people. Sometimes you might be correct, but 9 outta 10 times you'll be wrong.
When we judge people we limit ourselves and tend to make generalisations. We blind ourselves to the truth; of seeing someone for who they really are. As someone who is regularly misunderstood and judged on first impressions, you'd think that I wouldn't be one to judge.. so I suppose you might consider me to be a hypocrite then. I don't mean to judge people, I just can't help it. How does that old saying go?.. "you should never judge a book by it's cover".. well, it's true. Hopefully I can one day learn to live by this saying.. but for now, I'm sorry if I've judged you incorrectly and if that has in anyway affected you. I know that it's never fun to have people think you're someone other than who you are. So, if this relate to you in anyway, then I'm sorry.

-Jyssica.

Day Fourteen - The Person That You Wish You Could Be

Dear the person that I wish I could be,

It's simple; I wish I could be a better person. I wouldn't want to actually be another person, I just wish I could be a different version of myself; an alternate me. I used to always want to be someone else; someone who was pretty, had lots of friends, fit in with everyone, was liked by everyone, had great taste in fashion.. but then I quickly realised, that's an incredibly superficial person I wanted to be. After realising this, from a very young age, I decided to not aspire to be that sort of person. Granted, I was always envious of those people who had it all, but I figured that I was never going to reach anything near it so why even bother.. So instead I was an introverted outcast; I was timid, self-conscious, quiet and 'weird'.
I used to hate that I was like this, but then I again realised that this didn't matter. It didn't matter what anyone else thought; I was free to be me. However, I always wanted to be a better person. I think that I've come a long way from who I used to be, but I still have a fair way to go. I'm still self-conscious, lacking self-esteem, have no confidence and, from time to time, hate who I am in general. But in saying this, these things aren't nearly as bad as what they used to be. I just wish that I wasn't so afraid of taking risks; to be able to put myself on the line without being afraid of what the consquences will be.
There will always be things I want to change about myself, and not just aspects that revolve around me. To me, the most important things I want to change about myself are the things that affect other people. I wish I was more socially active within the community. I wish I was more charitable. I wish I had a higher tolerance for people. I wish that I wasn't so mean to my brothers. I wish that I could treat everyone with respect. I care about the state of the world and I want to make a difference, but I wish that I was more motivated.. in all aspects of my life.
I'm nowhere near perfect and there are many things that I'd like to change in order to become a better person who can make a positive contribution to society. If I can one day be one of those people who had a positive impact, then I'll be able to live with all my flaws, because what's most important is the livelihood of everyone else around me and ensuring that they have the life that they deserve.

-Jyssica.

Day Thirteen - Someone That's Not In Your State/Country

Dear someone that isn't in my state or country,

You know, I originally had different intentions for this letter, but I think I've just thought of the perfect person/people to write to so I don't double up with my letters.. :) This is for the lovely Japanese people living in Sapporo, Hokkaido! :)
I mean, you guys gave me the experience of a life time!! Being in your company, you made us (my fellow Australian school friends) feel so welcome! After two weeks of travelling around your beautiful country, our final destination was your town. Sapporo in the winter time is cold; cold, yet so magnificently beautiful. We received nothing but respect and a friendly exchange :) When we were terrified of trying to fit in in such a foreign environment, you helped us to feel as comfortable as possible! If you ask me, the one week stay at your school was definitely not long enough!!
And my dear host family; the Shinya household! Such amazing people! I was so nervous about staying with a host family by myself with no Australian, English speaking, friends of mine! However, from the very moment that we met I knew I was in safe hands! I remember meeting you for the first time.. Satomi was still in her dance class, so it was just me and Toshimi.. and everyone thought the height difference between us was hilarious!! I also remember that you held out to me my profile sheet and asked me "how do you pronounce it?" and you pointed to my name, lol. So, sorry for having such a difficult name, lol. In so many ways I felt like you became my family; my Japanese family! Some of my friends were having a difficult time settling in, but I never once had that problem. We hit it off straight away, and for that I am very grateful! We would go shopping all the time, take purikura photos, have take out for dinner (which was ALWAYS delicious!), go on rides and go to games centres at 10pm at night! Whenever I was trying something for the first time, or if you thought maybe I might feel uncomfortable doing something, the word we would always use was "challenge", lol. It was our word that meant, 'I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I'll give it a shot anyway!'. Not only did you embrace me within the household, but into your extended family too! I remember meeting up with Hiromi many times, especially on the last night I was in Japan. We went out for dinner to a traditional Japanese restaurant with all the trimmings! Hiromi came that night too, and you were all lovely enough to shower me with gifts. It was hard to say good bye to all of you, and I hope that someday we can all meet again! Satomi has visited Australia and my family was lucky enough to host her. It was wonderful to be able to see you again! I've hosted before, and sometimes there's awkwardness in the first couple of days, and just as their about to go, that's when you feel comfortable. However, as we had already met before we never experienced that! AND in fact, you're returning back to Australia today for a 5 day stay (with a different family though). It will be fabulous to see you again!! :)
So, thank you for such an amazing, once-in-a-life-time experiences!

-Jyssica.

Day Twelve - The Person You Miss The Most

Dear the person I miss the most,

Before I started writing this letter, I realised just how difficult this was going to be; but I'm going to get through this one because you mean so much to me.

It's been 4 months at 15 days since the last time I saw you. Even now I still find it hard to just think about you, because when I do think about you I'm always reminded of the fact that I'm never going to see you again. It isn't until I'm in the privacy of my own room that I can think things through properly, because that's when I can have my own reflective moment without anyone else to witness. I miss you so much and nothing will ever change that. You meant so much to me, and still do. A part of me worries that I never told you enough how much I loved you while I still had the chance; but I suppose you would have had to have known. My childhood was spent growing up with you and your influence. You gave me memories that I will hold dear and cherish for the rest of my life. I owe so much of who I am to you. And I just hope that you knew how much you meant to me. As I've previously stated, I'm not much of the religious type. However I know that to you religion was everything; you even told me once, while reflecting upon all that was important to you, completely acknowledging the conditon you were in, that you felt that your most important relationship was your relationship with God. Now, I mightn't believe in it, but I know you did. So I truly hope that for your sake you're right, because I couldn't hope for anything more than for you to have found peace in a better place. You were/are an inspiration to me. Despite your declining state you never gave up. Even in your final moments you refused to give in. You were such a strong individual! You lived through some of the most difficult situations but always made it through. You built a life for yourself and for your family and gave so much to everyone around you. I am so honoured and proud to be able to say that you were mine; that you are my grandfather. Never will I forget the precious times I spent with you; weekends with you and grandma, taking walks by the river, the bike rides or walks into town, driving around in the Vinnies truck, playing Mahjong with you, the little hop/skip you would do in order for us to be walking with the same foot in front of the other, working in your garage and fixing everything that you thought was broken (even if sometimes it wasn't, lol), playing in the park and collecting acorns, even simply sitting on the couch with you watching TV (I also remember the time that Titanic was on TV and I wanted to watch it and as soon as the sex scene in the car came up you were like "okay Jyssica, I think it's time for bed", lol). All of these memories, and so much more, are what I will hold onto for a lifetime. No amount of words will ever be able to express how much I love you or miss you. So I'll say one last thing; I love you, and I miss you so much, and despite the fact that you may no longer be here with us anymore, your memory will live on forever in our hearts ♥

-Love from your granddaughter, Jyssica ♥

Day Eleven - Someone You've Drifted Away From

Dear someone I've drifted away from,

This is actually a very simple task to write this letter because it goes out to pretty much everybody I've ever known. It was never a conscious decision to distance myself from you, it sort of just happened via the natural progression of life. I have always considered myself to be an outsider with no real place where I felt I belonged. I never saw this as a negative though because I have always been content living in my own little private world. My very nature has always been to keep to myself and to blend in; I never sought to stand out amongst the crowd. This, however, wasn't the real me. In the privacy of my own world I was, and still am, slightly on the eccentric side, as a few people will be able to attest to. Regardless of what I was like behind closed doors, this didn't change the fact that I was essentially a completely different person when around others. I used to try to please other people, to make them want to have me around. I never got on anyones bad side and always tried to fit in and contribute to the group without being too overtly opinionated. With so many more confident and charasmatic people around, I gave up on trying to make a name for myself and opted to just hide away in the shadows. I have always stood firm about being yourself and not caring what other people think, but it wasn't until not that long ago that I actually started to listen to myself.
I have always had friends, but I went for a very long time without having the friend; the best friend. I was a drifter. I didn't go more than a year hanging out with the same crowd at school. A new year meant a new group of friends. It wasn't that I stopped being friends with anyone, it was just the simple fact that people grow up; people change. In some cases it was everyone in the group that went their separate ways; in other cases it was just me. In those particular instances I just felt that everyone else was changing together, developing the same interests and passions. It just happened to be that I wasn't going in the same direction as them, hence why I drifted a lot.
I am still friends with most of the people I've drifted away from, it's just that we're nowhere near as close as we used to be. Sometimes I feel jealous when I look at those people now and see that they're all still together; it makes me wonder what I did wrong and why I'm always the one who seems to lose people. I used to think that if I was going to keep losing people all the time then maybe I should just conform and become another face in crowd; other times I thought I should just give up on the friends thing all together. But now I know I was just being silly. I still have those wonderful people in my life, and I've now found my little 'click' XD . I couldn't ask for a more amazing group of people to surround myself with. So despite the fact that I've drifted away from so many people, they will always mean so much to me for everything that they did, and I'm just grateful that I now have a place where I feel I belong.

-Jyssica.

Day Ten - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

Dear a deceased person I wish I could talk to,

Six months ago this would only have been directed to two people; unfortunately that number has increased. Nevertheless, there will be plenty of time to dedicate to those more recent losses, and for now I'm going to take the opportunity to write to one particular person whom I've been longing to talk to for so long, regardless of the fact that it will never happen.
Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to meet you. You were before my time; taken away from this world long before I was even a mere thought in anyone's mind. I've heard stories about you, about how you raised your son practically on your own after the death of your husband. In all honesty, I find the whole situation surrounding your side of the family very confusing. However, from what I've heard, you were an amazing woman. I've seen photos of you; photos of a long distant past, enjoying the moment while it lasted. I've heard of the lessons that you taught your son, the morals that you instilled within him. I've heard about the hardships that you had to endure within your life, hardships that you faced and conquered. I suppose life was harder back then; harder, yet in many ways a much simpler time.
It's a shame that we were never even given a chance to meet. I know that one of the things you wanted most in the world was a granddaughter; well, here I am. I'm technically a religious person, but a piece of paper means nothing to me unless you actually have faith. So I suppose I don't really consider myself to be religious at all. Sure, I have my beliefs, but they're my beliefs based on what I choose to believe, not what I'm told to believe. One of the many things that I believe in is the existance of spirits. I believe that once we die there is no heaven or hell for us to go to, I simply can't wrap my head around that concept. However, I believe that once we die, if you are leaving something behind in this world that you have an unbelievable connection with, whether that be due to love, vengance or 'unfinished business', I believe that you can remain on the earth as a spirit, tied down to whatever is keeping you here until you have made peace. From there where do we go? I can't answer that. All I know is that I used to hold onto the hope that you were still around. I used to talk to you whenever I felt alone; the conversation may have been extremely one sided (lol) but still, it made me feel like I was almost 'confessing' myself to you, getting rid of the weight that was keeping me down. I found comfort in that small hope that I had, and I held it close to my heart. As I got older that hope faded, however I'm thankful for my youthful innocence and the role that you played in that. I suppose a part of me will always hold onto the tiniest shred of hope that you might still be out there watching over me, but I no longer rely on it.
I wish that I could have met you, and I wish that I believed that we one day could. But no matter how hard I wish, that will never happen. So what I hold onto now is a desire to be the kind of person that you could have been proud of; someone who you would have been proud to call your granddaughter.

-Jyssica.