Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Maybe we're the children of a lesser God between Heaven and Hell

That moment in my life has arrived where I have finished school and it's time to move on to "bigger and better things". I couldn't wait to finish school; I hated it! And now it's time to end that chapter of my life, turn the page, and start on a new beginning. However, I don't know where to start. I have writers block, so to speak. How can I know where to begin when, in my eyes, this is the beginning of the end?
Everyone keeps asking me the same question; "what do you plan on doing now?". Well, I don't know how to answer that. My mind keeps constantly changing, my feelings towards certain ideas always wavering. I cannot give anyone a straight answer because the answer is: I don't know. All I know is that I'm taking a year off school to get my head straight. Yet when I tell people this I'm met with the same response: a simple "oh" and a certain look in peoples eyes. Even when I change things up and tell people I want to one day write, I am again faced with the same look. It's a look of disbelief and skepticism. It's as if people find it hard to fathom how I, Jyssica, don't know how I want to spend the rest of my life.
The one person from whom I cop this treatment from the most is my father. He's always on my back about getting a job. I've finished school now so I should have a job. Everyone else has a job and if I don't get one, he's not going to support me forever. I've heard that enough times now that I have a tendency to ignore him. It's not that I haven't thought about getting a job or anything, it's just that I'm not ready for it. To me it's so much more than simply earning money. If I get a job I will be essentially setting myself up for the beginning of the end. If I get a job now, I'll be working for the rest of my life. I have no time left to be a child. Those days are behind me now without anyone informing me that they'd left in the first place. I'm not ready for adulthood. I'm not ready for responsibility. I'm not ready to grow up and face the world.

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