For The Record..

This is a little message to anyone who has the slightest issue or question about my decision to defer my university course next year.

I have had enough of everybody and the attitude that seems to accompany their questions in relation to what I have chosen to do. Everybody asks the same question, "what do you plan on doing next year?" and I give the same answer, "I'm going to defer my course for a year". And, time after time, I'm met with the exact same response; it's the return of the skeptical and somewhat cynical look of disapproval. People are like, "oh, so you're not doing anything this year then? And it's like, "well, yeah... but it's not going to be like that forever". There is something about peoples reactions that is so degrading and layered in disappointment! Well, I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm over it!!

I wish people would just back off and leave me alone! It's not your life, it's mine! So why can't everyone just accept that fact and stop making me feel like an idiot.

Every single time I tell people my plans I get the impression that they think I've made a mistake by deferring. Everyone keeps saying, "oh, but what if you end up not wanting to go next year?" or "seriously, you should have just gone this year. I can't believe you're not going!" or "you're going to waste this opportunity!" And every time people say these things to me it just makes me feel like I've failed in some way or I've disappointed a whole bunch of people. My entire life people have had high expectations of me and it's like I've finally failed everyone because I don't want to go to university straight away. You wanna know why I'm not going? Well, here's your answer; Quite simply, I'm not ready for it. Why am I not ready for it? Well, a number a reasons.

Firstly, I have no idea what I want to do. I see no point in enrolling and attending university when I don't have the slightest idea what I want to do. It would be a complete waste of time and a waste of money! University isn't cheap! If I were to go this year I'd only end up enrolled in a whole bunch of random units and subjects or whatever that, in all honestly, I have no idea if I'd even want to study in the first place. Consequently I'd be wasting my time doing something I didn't want to do, wasting not only a year of my schooling but also a years worth of money. It just doesn't make sense to do that! Instead I will take a year off, look at all my options, think about what I want for the future, and hopefully come to a decision about what I want to study and what direction I want to head in.

Secondly, it's scary! The prospect of attending university is a frightening one. High school is simple in the regard that it's something that everyone does/most people do; attending high school is the norm. At high school you're given subjects to study. When you get to the higher levels of high school education you're given the opportunity to choose specific subjects. However, it is all still very simple and there are no real big decisions to be made. University on the other hand is something else completely! There are so many big decisions that have to be made; decisions that will actually have an impact on your life and on your future. That is scary! It's a lot to have to come to terms with at the age of 18. Eventually it is something that will have to be faced but, when that time comes when I do face it, I want to be in the right mind frame. I want to feel like I have what it takes to do it. There is no point in rushing into something if you don't feel comfortable; because the situation won't end well if you're rushed into something that you're not ready for.

I don't understand how people can be so narrow-minded; it's not that hard to see things from my point of view. Who cares if you have decided to/would have decided to do something different to what I'm doing! I've said it before and I'll say it again; it's my life, not yours!

I would very much appreciate it if people would just quit with all the negativity and the patronising way in you regard my decision. Perhaps it's not intentional; however, when I have to listen to the same thing over and over coming from so many different people, it starts to make me feel a bit empty inside, like I'm a let-down. And, like I know so many people would agree with, that's not a good feeling. So back off.