Now I'm looking at old MySpace Blogs. Gosh, I'm finding all this rather fascinating. I figured, I look at this blog more frequently than I do any other one I have. So, if I'm to re-post some stuff from my other blogs, I'm more likely to re-read them! See the logic? =]
Thursday 22 March, 2007
You know what I was thinking...
I don't know if I am actually really good friends with anyone..
I don't have that one friend that I share everything with.
I don't have that friend that I go shopping with every weekend.
I don't have that friend that knows every secret about me.
No one that can tell when I'm upset even if I'm hiding it and no one else can tell.
That one that knows everything about anyone I've ever liked.
The one person I can act like a complete fuck around and they won't give a shit.
The one person that when I'm around them I don't need to hide my true self.
I feel that when I'm around others, I shut myself off, and I don't know why..
Maybe I try too hard to impress people?
Try not to piss people off, and by doing so they don't get to know me.
I'm known as the quiet one.
The smart, nerdy, quiet, timid girl.
But I'm not usually like that.
I'm loud, crazy, hyper, but only a few people have seen that side of me.
Maybe because there are so many dominating personalities?
Maybe I feel intimidated by others?
More than likely I'm just lacking self confidence.
I can act like myself when I'm by myself with someone else who is just like me.
I'm just not too big on the group stuff.
Especially when we are so opposite.
It sucks and I hate it.
And I don't know why : (
How crap.
I see girls everywhere, with their best friend.
They shop together, talk bout boys together, sleep over at each others house, spend every minute of their day together.
As you can probably tell, I spend my time on the computer doing nothing.
Maybe I'm just not good at talking face to face.
I blame technology.
And swimming.
I've had NO social life because of swimming.
They are probably my closest friends, yet they all have other people... other friends... best friends...
But the one person who is probably my best friend... well I'm probably not theirs.
Usually I get left out of things.
I don't really care if I don't spend every second of my life with someone.
Like, actually, I don't mind being by myself, just not all the time.
Everyone needs time for themself.
But the moments that I do spend with my friends, it would be nice to feel included, rather than being pushed to the side.
I don't want to be the center of attention, I HATE being in the spotlight, I don't want the attention to be on me.
But I would like to be noticed.
Like what I have to say actually means something.
Not all the time. I'm not asking for everyone to fuss over me.
Anywho, just a thought...
Saturday 1 September, 2007
Isolated, alone.
Restricted in an open space.
Darkness gradually falls.
No sign of life.
Trapped in an unlife-like reality.
Screams cannot be heard.
Actions cannot be seen.
A figure in the distance
Can just be made out.
Tormented, afraid.
Reach out.
Gripped tightly by a mocking laugh.
Sounds so close, yet so far.
Mistakes you've made,
Layed out before you.
Thrown at you,
Killing you.
Let out a scream, does it help?
Frightened, scared.
Lay still, unable to move.
Hurriedly sweeping across the distance,
A figure pounces on it's victim.
A piercing laughter escapes,
For the victim can do nothing now but shy away.
As every body parts seems to disintegrate.
Confront this nightmare,
But it's just too much.
Forever feeling isolated,
Alone.
Friday 14 September, 2007
Well, hello there.
You know what? I swear I think WAY too much about random, unnecessary stuff. Like who do you know that sits there thinking about death? Who do you know that thinks that life is pointless and unmeaningful?
Well, wanna know what I think? (Too bad if you don’t.. stop reading now if you don’t give a shit..) The meaning of life is simply to SCREW EVERYONE!
Our lives are worthless, they mean nothing to anyone! And even if someone cares about you, and you do happen to mean something to them.. it’s not going to matter.. Coz the few people that you do actually effect, well they’re just going to die,, and so are you.
We were all put on this earth for some apparent reason that is unknown to just about everyone, and if someone does actually know.. WELL THEN TELL ME, COZ I WANNA KNOW! =D
We go through life doing things that other people tell us to do.. and why? What’s the point in following orders and making sure you live up to higher expectations? What are you going to get out of it?
No matter how hard you try to make a difference, there is someone else out there trying just as hard to undo the good that you do. Everything has it’s way of balancing out, and there is just no point!
You go through life, and as a child you have so much to look forward to, a full and happy life. But where do you go from there? All you do is continue to get older. And your childhood of happy memories becomes just that,, a memory.
We try so hard to become the best we can be. But in 100years time, who’s going to remember? The people that where there with you, the people that actually meant something to you, and that you meant something too, they’re gonna be gone. And you’re just going to be another random person that was living.
So I say, SCREW EVERYONE! Screw them! You do what YOU want to do, when YOU want to do it! There is no point in living your life doing things that make you upset, coz you only get one chance, so don’t blow it!
Who cares if you don’t become rich and famous.. just make sure that you’re living your own life and no one else's. Live off the government for all I care!
If you are stuck in the middle of something that upsets you, then get out of it! You have a freaky obsession with someone (lol), then go for it! Eg: Use the governments money to fly to America to meet your lover and screw him! And who cares if you get a restraining order against you, coz it ain’t gonna matter in years to come! You may as well make the most of the time you have!
People should stop wasting their time trying to find cures.. try and figure out what our real purpose is, why we are really here! Coz that’s the real question we all want to know! Cures, yeah, okay,, they seem important,, but whether or not someone dies sooner than later,, it doesn’t really matter, coz we’re all gonna die at some stage anyway!
Does anyone know how we got here in the first place? We have been here for millions and millions of years, and we have had that long to figure it out.. And is anyone closer to knowing? Has anyone made any slight progression from the start of time? NOT THAT I KNOW OF!
You know, people say to ’stay fit, eat right’, but who cares! If you’re fat and unhealthy, you’re gonna die. If you’re skinny and fit, you’re gonna die! GET OVER IT!
No one has the real power to stop you from anything! And if someone feels that they are in fact higher than you,, that you tell them where to go! Coz no one, I mean NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT SOMEONE ELSE DOWN, AND IF THEY DO, THEN YOU BLOODY WELL STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, AND YOU MAKE SURE THAT YOU’RE LIVING THE WAY YOU WANT TOO! =D
I’d like to concluding by saying that anyone who has actually continued to read up to here must really be bored! And I would like to point out that I feel I’m going through a mid-life crisis.. at the age of 15.. So don’t bother me! lol! But seriously, do you get me? This all started coz I don’t wanna get old! It’s horrible! My whole life, the whole 15 years that I’ve been here.. what have I accomplished?
Like I said, I think way too much about nothing.. so yeah, this is it from me.. for now! lol! =D
(Just a little insight into this post. I wrote this after a conversation with Hannah. We kinda went nuts, so if this seems completely whack-out, that's why. lol, Hannah can have that effect on people!)
Saturday 3 May, 2008
Howdy!
It's been some time since I've posted anything that anyone can read. Not that people are particularly interested. Like all those messages I get telling me to update this thing... It's overwhelming to say the least!
So, I'm like completely over school, everything to do with school. Which tends to make me over people too. But that's nothing new. I am tired and I can't be bothered anymore.
It's kinda confusing. I'm not "lonely", but I'm missing something, someone. Yet, whenever I'm around people.., I don't wanna be there with them. I'd rather spend time alone with myself. I don't know how to explain it. I think it's more like when.. you feel like you're not really needed or wanted I guess. Like, everyone could go on doing what they're doing without you, and it wouldn't bother anyone.
Not to mention tying to keep up with myself. Now there's a struggle. I've been so pissed off at myself lately too. And I don't know why. I've got nothing to look forward too, to live for. And it's stupid. Everything is so boring!
That's the thing. I'm so tired of living through the same routine, day in, day out. I want something exciting to happen! I wanna do something exciting! A purpose!
I suppose, I can't wait for Supernatural to come back on.! That's rather exciting!.. to me.
But that's not a hell of alot is it? Plus it's kinda weird. The most exciting thing to happen in my life, and it doesn't even involve me.. And it's quite obsessive too. Which is something that I should try and stop. I think that annoys people. But I can't help it... Well, I shall try!
And another thing. Without seeming all "dark". I was thinking the other day, as I do most nights actually, while laying in bed, waiting to fall asleep.. Once I die, will anyone remember me? What can I leave behind? But I dunno what I can leave behind.. Do you think my myspace page will get deleted? Cause that could be something!
But I found this quote, and it fits me to a tee! "When I'm laying in my bed I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals to me" which is so true. I don't want to die. The thought of growing old and dying scares the crap outta me. But on the other hand, life is stupid and completely pointless!
I get up, I go to school. That's it. While at home I'm on the computer. I listen to music. That's it. What kind of a life is that? Although, that's one thing that keeps me happy. Music. I love my music! I love Jade! Isn't Jade just beautiful! I think he is!
Anyway, that's enough complaining for now. It seems that that's all I ever do. How annoying for anyone who bothered to read down to this point, huh!?
Okay, anyone else find that as boring as I think you all did? lol. I don't think it's boring, I just think I'm seriously weird! These posts are evidence of what I'm always telling people; I have been, for forever will continue to be extremely weird!
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